Today's my wifes's birthday and I haven't tried to contact her in any way. She's probably in Florida with her best friend or up here with her new friends. I'm alone--no big plans but I see things happening for me down the line. I like being alone. I've always been there for her and I feel like I'm doing the smart thing by waiting for our divorce to be official before I start dating or whatever. I'm just tempted to call her but I know it would only make me upset to here that "I don't give a sh-t about you tone of voice." The kind that I've become all to familiar with in the last year. I hope she's having fun and I wish her the best. She's 35 today. She loves her birthday and I don't want to ruin it for her.

Alittle background, she had a physical affair a couple years ago and then an emotional one alittle over a year ago with someone else. Both were from her work--both geeks. You want to know what the saddest picture is that I have of her in my mind. It was the night of St. Patrick's day when she came home late and drunk and I walked downstairs to see her crying on the sofa. She looked so sad and I didn't understand why. That was the first night she cheated on me.

I wish I could erase that memory of her and the memory of all the emails I found between them afterwards. It hurt so much to find out that she had feelings for another guy and that she kept it a secret from me.

We were best friends. We did everything together. Bu then something happened and it happened right around that time. We stopped trusting ourselves and each other.

My question is what do you do with all the memories? She has all the pictures and photo albums of us, I have them all in my head. How does your heart move forward when your mind keeps looking back?

Happy Birthday, Babe! I'm sorry I couldn't be there to celebrate with you.