This sounds silly but my wife filed for divorce after I finally wanted a quick settlement in respect of the alimony that my X wife has to pay me. I have custody of our 2 children and my wife (also previously divorced) has custody over her child.

Actually, this thing has a 5 month history. Five months ago we got married. At that stage she felt that my x wife has hurt her seriously due to things that happened before our marriage. During my D's first school day, I allowed my x wife to take my D to school. I informed my wife about that decision only the day before. My fault, I know. Two weeks later their was a serious altercation between my wife and my x because my x came and took my D from our home against my explicit instructions while I were away. During the altercation, my wife's D was hurt and upset. That sent my wife into a rage. When I got home that afternoon my wife made me promise to take my x apart. In the meantime my x telephonically expressed her regret to me about the incident. My wife and I visited my x where she attended a school function with my d. My x was tearful and quite meek and mild and said that such an incident won't happen again. So I told her in a civilised way that such an incident can't happen again. When we got home, my wife went through the roof because I failed to take my x apart about the incident. After that, I resolved never to allow my x to visit the the kids during the week when they are staying with us. During weekends they visit my x.

From that point on, everything seemed to run smoothly until my wife began to form the impression that my x is leading a carefree life that entails going to the gym, dating, dancing, etc. while my wife has to look after her kids. She began to demand that we send my kids back to my x to force her to carry the burden of raising the kids. That shocked me because it seemed as if my children are being used as a tool by my wife to get to my x. At that stage my x was "toeing the line" in an examplary way. She did not bother us or the kids while they were with us. I told my wife that the thaught of doing that is really upsetting to me. My wife's anger outbursts grew more frequent until she demanded that I sue my x for a higher alimony payment. I filed for a court date. My x responded with surprise and eventually offered to settle out of court on the morning of the court case. While we were discussing the matter, I realised that we were not going to come to a settlement. During the course of the afternoon my x agreed to an amount. The very next morning my x postponed the signing of the settlement papers again. My wife was livid with anger and told me that I was like clay in my x's hands and that she was disgusted by it. She wanted a divorce. That evening I sat down and drew up a new court claim. That made my wife very happy. She told me that if I hear anyting from my x I must inform her because she want to know that my x is sufffering under the threat of high alimony payments and pending court cases. The next morning my x phoned me and offered a settlement for the amount on which we initially agreed, no strings attached this time. It sounded reasonable to me and as I was instructed by my wife, I told her about my x's offer and said that I considered accepting it. She went ballistic again and an hour later informed me that she filed for divorce.

I experience my wife as a very impulsive, volitile and emotional person. I wanted to act on the principle of joint agreement. If I want to do something fundamental, I want to clear it with my wife and only do someting on which we agree 100%. That's why I phoned her first about my x's final settlement offer. I also find my wife's obsession with my x a bit sickening.

I nevertheless love her dearly and am sure that, given time, this matter will be settled. She is adamant about the divorce and only wants to talk about the distribution of our assets. In the meantime she treats me with absolute coldness and disdain.

Any comments or suggestions please.

From what I read, seems that there is way too much hostility with the kids by both females. Yes, your x is being disrespectful but I see your wife being disrespectful too.

If you have custody of the kids, there is an agreement for time shared with the kids. The kids need to see their mother. The kids seem to be in the middle of their disagreement, and I would get the divorce decree out, read the final words, act on the final words and put an end to the children being used a ping pong balls. The kids are not being treated fairly, and if the x doesn't want to take responsibility for being a parent, take her part of being with the kids away. Go back tot he judge and this can get ordered legally.

All I see is a mess, the kids are getting hurt, and I hate to see children being used.

Sounds like your present wife feels threatened by your ex's presence in your life. Your loyalty must be to your wife, and no decisions should be made without her agreement. You and your ex are no longer a couple.

I think you need to go to counseling with your wife to get this ironed out. Otherwise this will go on for years.

Why isn't your ex-wife allowed to see the kids during the week? My husband was given standard visitation, but there is also a clause about additional time by mutual agreement - although he has almost never wanted any extra time.

If your new wife couldn't at least tolerate your previous one, why on earth did she marry you? The mother of your children will always be in the picture - unless the new wife manages to push the children out of the picture as well, which it sounds as if she is trying to do.