“””NEWLY WROTE: I know you guys need to live, but remember, the CS money goes to support the shelter, clothing and expenses of the kids, not the X.

No matter how much it is, it's typically not enough. And for a single household which was barely making it - splitting it into two is even harder.

Support your children. And if you want to decrease CS, request more or equal overnights with your children. Be the parent you say you are - or in many cases were before the split.”””

I didn’t want to thread jack. But I’ve seen a couple of your recent posts with this same message. I know it’s hard not to stereotype, especially when gains much of their knowledge from life experiences. But I want you to know that there are many of us men who pay more CS than is mandated by the state. There are many of us who go beyond that and pay for things outright that are legally covered as CS items. And there is atleast one of us whose x-wife is being totally supported by the X and the OM. Whose x-wife uses and dangles the children on almost a daily basis. Whose x-wife is continually seeking more support.

I don’t know why I felt compelled to write but please remember there are good guys out here that are getting the raw end of the deal too.

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And there is atleast one of us whose x-wife is being totally supported by the X </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Make that 2.

I also believe that some WW's don't understand the full impact their choice will have on the kids.

Not all women are numbers people and some don't realy see what is required financialy to support a family in a single home, nevermind seperate homes.

In some cases the WW may not see that if she wants a seperate life from he BH, she will also have to start contributing financialy.

Perhaps the only way they will see this is if they are pushed into doing something about it by being limitted on what they are currently recieving for support.

Yes I am one who's wife has not worked in 10 years and she doesn't see going to work as a priority because I continue to provide everything I have to support her and our kids.

WIWH

Bill,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But I want you to know that there are many of us men who pay more CS than is mandated by the state. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do know this. And I do believe that many men on this site are those who are very concerned about the best interest of the children. Those on this site are typically interested in getting healthy and doing the best for their children.

We do get newcomers who don't realize how expensive it is to raise children, or to live in separate households. I would put my X in that category. In most cases, CS is based on incomes with state mandates guidelines. These are difficult to calculate with a SAHParent, and it seems this is where the bulk of the disputes lie.
This is not just a D concept.
I've heard men at work talk about supporting their wives who are SAHMs. They work harder than I do and get no monetary benefit, and typically sacrifice for the family. That's why many states use community property distribution.

I am certainly not defending those X's who are milking their X to live an extravagent lifestyle or for paybacks. My posts are truly geared to economic needs. My x tried to get alimony, while claiming an income of 1/3 of the past years, and while he bought a new motorcycle and Suburban.
I am happy I am no longer supporting his lifestyle.

Bill, I know you would do whatever you could for your children.

My x refused to split chess camp for our son - $125 between us - an art camp for each child - $175 per child for one week each.

I haven't had a child support increase in 5.5 years.

I want to buy them new sneakers. New jeans. Pay for haircuts. Take them to a movie. Softball. Soccer. Chess lessons.

Let's not forget the fact he NEVER pays dr bills. Can't tell you when I got any money for that though it is in the decree.

I just told him the CS has got to be increased. They want more than they wanted 5.5 years ago. Not to mention inflation.

Bill yes I am sure there are good guys out there -but alot of exhusbands pay only what they are told to pay for child support - Which is fine unless it says in the divorce decree that they are to pay for more.. Example - my ex is to pay a certain amount for two kids per week - and he pays that faithfully everyweek and I am very thankful - yet he is still required to pay for 1/2 of all activities - which he has never done since day one and we have been divorced a 1 1/2yr. - so he does not pay his half - and on top of that - I put in my divorce decree that I didn't want set visitations because I wanted him to be able to see them whenever he wanted to - and vice versa - I didn't want him to become an every other weekend dad - Well that was the biggest mistake I ever made because he thinks that he doesn't ever have to see them... So yes I have kept them in the same home, kept them in same activities - it is tight and it is killing me financially - but if I take them out because he won't pay - then I have to deal with their heartache - not him because he is never there.... He thinks what he pays for child support is efficient and he is wonderful because he pays that...and I am a money grubbing whatever if I try to get him to pay for something extra like camp or what have you .. I would get in little pissing matches like cinderella and it wasn't pleasant .... So I have taken all the cost for all activities on my shoulders - I make do and pay for it myself - I will send him copies and if he pays he pays if he doesn't well then he doesn't it isn't worth my aggravation... He can think he is wonderful all he wants - but I will know that I have in fact done everything for these kids in their best interests.... So Bill I think when someone complains about a man not paying enough - that they don't in general believe it is all men - just their "Ex" --- Because when you live through not having enough money and having to tell your 12 year old that you cannot get those sneakers because Mom doesn't have the money - well you get really angry sometimes....

And when he tells his 6 year old that he won't pay $11 for a school field trip, yet he continues to buy his "toys", boats & cars, the kids learn real quick who is telling the truth.

And why didn't I just pay for it - because I paid for the last 5 school events, and this needs to be established so that when the trips cost $150, we learn that each parent is responsible to contribute.

And when the 6 YO insists that I attend school events, and I ask if she asked Dad, she answers "why bother, he won't come anyway."

There are so many great fathers out there, if I were married to any of these MBers, perhaps I wouldn't be divorced!

While I can certainly sympathize with all of your situations. The point of this thread was and is simple. That there are good guys out there who really do what is in the best interests of their children.

If we want to go on a smear campaign against the financial lack of responsibilities of our X’s and examine their abilities to co-parent, then we would have to start a MEGA THREAD. Which is not my intention, not is it my intention to get in a war with Men who Pay vs Women who Receive.

I think I’ve made my point and my record speaks for itself as I go off to buy new shoes for the girls and pay in full to send all 3 of them to church camp as I’ve done the last 3 years.

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 05:33 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

So what happens when WW starts making you feel guilty for all the things that the kids are gonna go through because of HER choice.

They have to go to school and can't home school because mommy has to get a job

They have to go to day care and be taken care of by strangers because mommy has to get a job

They have to have a babby sitter because, yes again, Mommy has to get a job.

Is it right for mommy to make daddy feel like these things are his fault because he needs a new place to live?


Sorry. This is a bad time for this topic for me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

WIWH