Ok. Sorry I've been gone but been so busy..My state med convention was 2 weekends ago and it was a big success. We had so many more attendees than had preregistered and we were filled above capacity! I took my son and he had a wonderful time. I took 2 days off to spend some good downtime with him and he and I are doing well.

My prez kickoff speech went great and I did the professional "thing" to the very best that I could have done and the whole weekend went great <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Been working hard and trying only to focus on good stuff...and as usual, when things get good, Jethro decides to swoop in and wreak chaos.

For example (embedded vent here)...Last week is son's graduation from PreK. First Jethro announces a few weeks before that he's hiring a fulltime nanny who is fluent in a few languages and will have her pick up son at my house in am before work and then drop him off at my home after work. Well I didn't like it for a few resons and I didn't give him my ok on that. FYI...he has final say according to divorce decree on educational decisions b/c he is bound to pay for them and only after having reached an agreement with me about them. There are many layers to dealing with a man like Jethro a nd the obvious motive isn't always the true one. He then announces about a week and a half ago that he's "moving to Lake Lanier" after my former dream home is sold (again last year he transferred this property to his parents who are on his company payroll). Moving to a nice, pricey lakefront house. Also bought 2 jetski's. I just try to filter it all out, the material wealth part..But when I think how he's moving over 30 minutes away and how he's proposed having a nanny at HIS HOUSE watch my son while I am working, I realize that he's got about 30 more hours, sixty per month more, hours time with my son which would make him with more time than I. Plus it could mess with custody arrangement and his move could also mess with this as well. I see a future legal quagmire and Jethro gaining ground.

The idea was solidified this past week when my son graduated from PreK. I guess again I was right. He contacts me the day before saying that "he'd rsvp'd for me to the graduation (despite fact I personally rsvp'd over a week and a half ago to his teachers myself)and said that there would be only ONE in my party attending" (snide remark). After that he said that "thursday is son's last day at prek school and that he'd not be attending their summer school". He decided this without any input from me which is against decree. And then announced that "either himself or her (Ms. Family Values) would be picking up son in the am at my home before work and that she'd be bringing my son home to me after work". I fly into a rage. This was NOTHING like what he previously proposed and he recants and says that "well the nanny is for a few hours a week". So...he wants my son to have the "babysitter" (my other nickname for his wife)watch him thus showing more time in his custody than with me and also possibly skewing the school issue or the residency issue by his moving soon. I say quickly no to all of this but nicely.

He flies into a rage. I tell him that I am thankful for his offer but I must decline as my son being in my custody during the summer is my decision. He cusses me out and swears at me and even called me on wednesday last week a "C _ _ t". Nobody on earth has ever called me that. And for no reason. Why? Because I said NO. I did not give in to him. For the last 2 years before he made her legit as his wistress, he'd paid for summer school for our son. Now suddenly she's the legit wife, he's backing down. Only monies he's paying out is for the babysitter/nanny to watch the Prada Predator (other nickname for her)'s baby while she's out digging more dishonest gold or shopping. He announces that "I'm on my own" when it comes to his paying for anything during the summer and that he tried to make it easy for me but I am so difficult to work with and then cussed some more. Then threatens to take me to court again and again. I freak out and cry alot. Then it dawns on me after rereading decree...He couldn't take me to court for a damn thing.

I take son to pool on thursday in the subdivison. My next door neighbor ironically has gone thru same thing except her x is marrying the OW and OW isn't preggers (she already had four of her own with different men)..Her bf, my neighbor, is from the carribbean and he says calmly in his accent..."you're stressing to much. take care of the problem he gave you and it will all go away." She said to pinch a few more pennies and pay for summer camp for son and also have maybe a nanny one or two days a week so son can rest and sleep in. That way x can't say son is always in school or not having rest during summer and you are manageable in your budget. Problem solved!

And wouldn't you know it? I tell Jethro again thank you but problem is solved and he goes bezerk.

Now let's go to the actual graduation itself. I stated much much earlier there are 2 kinds of Waywards/x's....Ones with remorse and guilty conscience and the other ones...the ones who deny any culpability or guilt and are in your face 24/7. Mine falls into the "other" category.

I go to the graduation in my scrubs and labcoat. I look nice though. I walk towards the back of the room (maybe forty people there)with my digital camera and sit down quietly. I do not look at x who is sitting on front row. Son does a great job. At least 2 times during the graduation, Ms. Family Values stands up (she's on front row) and walks out of room with the baby in tow. I guess she wanted me to have to see her. She wore an awful gaudy pink printed dress and her hair is in dire need of conditioner. The baby is cute (I will always be kind about the baby), but doesn't look a thing like my son did when he was an infant. And no, the baby wasn't screaming. Last time she walked out, she stood outside the kindergarten room (walls were made of glass so parents could watch their kids inside) and I saw her staring at me dead on. I ignore her completely. Then comes the "rose" thing. Each child hands their mother a rose as thanks for giving so much. My son is handed (the only kid that does this btw) TWO roses. He walks over and hands Jethro one but FV holds it too. Now, there are alot of grandparents here and I hear loudly one say in the back "what's with this crap? does the kid have two moms?". I say nicely and audibly, "no he has one mother and I am she thank you." Then my son walked down the center aisle and a huge grin surfaces on his face and he hugs me. Everybody kinda "got it" at that point. After the graduation, my x comes up to me and attempts to speak to me. He tries to be all nice (remember now, FV is standing outside of the room and watching this)and is standing beside me being all "fatherly" and whatnot. He announces that he'd taken my advice and found a good Christian private school for my son to attend next fall. In my county and only seven miles from my home. I am agreeable to this part. But he says I will pay for after school and before school care. I say I will consult the decree. He says I can either pay for it or have "her" come and pick up son after school for me. He is using the wistress to get out of paying for things and also to get more custody time and also to be damn cruel to me as only way he could hurt me is to throw another woman in my face and try to make her appear as a mom figure to my child. I say that it is not written in stone and I will take care of matters.

Then comes the kicker...he says "will you please as you are leaving VALIDATE the presence of my child in some way to Family Values?" Just give some sort of sign that you understand the baby exists? I look at him with disgust at his words. I said audibly this...and a few parents standing nearby heard it and they gave him dirty looks to. "Jethro, I NEVER WILL DENY THE PRESENCE OF A SWEET BEAUTIFUL CHILD. I will however, NEVER EVER VALIDATE your relationship as it's your thing now. It's not part of who I am and has no bearing on my life. Your choices to commit adultery are your own and I am not going to pretend it's right or give any validation. I will however always be kind about your child. She is the half sister of my son and didn't ask for this crud to happen either. She didn't ask to be born into a situation like this. Kids are miracles and are innocent. But furthemore, don't put me on the spot ever again in public and ask me to do something uncomfortable just to make your life easier with her."

Quickly I think on the spot and see my son will walk out with me that day. I want to be good about things as best I can be and want to honor my son, his half sister, and my faith and not compromise my values at same time or my promises I made to myself when I started this journey. I walk by and my son is holding my hand. Without looking at Family Values at all, I look into the eyes of my son's half sister and say "she is absolutely beautiful. May God bless her and I wish her much love and happiness." I walk away. You can never imagine how difficult that moment was. Without faith I couldn't have done it. To look into the eyes of your x's child, the child who's existence he lied about until FV was 8 mos. pregnant. To look at the little girl bearing the name you had picked out for your child. But in an instant God showed me it wasn't about FV or Jethro. It was about that child and my son. And my son being a good and kind brother. So it ended good. And I did not compromise my values either. I didn't acknowledge FV by looking at her at all. She is basically nothing to me at all except a very very expensive babysitter.

Now for the good stuff.

My life....Am dating the cute PA alot now. He's off to Vegas next week for his medical convention. His mom and sister are visiting him this weekend and I have son at home so we're laying a bit low now. He's fully respectful of my sitch and now I know why....seems his dad left his mom for another woman when he was my son's age..Ironic huh? He's lived thru everything my son has. Even the summer camp dilemma. And he's today not very close to his dad nor does he really respect him. We don't have a firm committment, but it's good so far. We went to lunch on wednesday and he said he's afraid that sooner or later he's gonna have a big time run in with Jethro as he's not going to stand for any more of his crap. We briefly talked about my flying to vegas next weekend, but money would be better spent if we had a trip with more time together...that would mean from my end a committment though...but he said that's the next thing to discuss after he gets back.

I am also kinda talking to the cute resident as well and the guy I knew from college. Hey, there's no ring on my finger...yet..

Just want to be absolutely sure about everything this time. And I will admit. I do get butterflies when I am around RR (cute PA). Alot of them.

Life is ok. It's better. Alot better.

Forgot to add this part...

I see x on mother's day along with my xIL's too. They are in the suv (same as mine remember?) pulling the 2 new jetski's. I am picking up son. I get out to put son in carseat and I am all dressed up as he and I are going to brunch together. He has son (knew we were going out) dressed in shorts and an old t shirt and sandals. I look really really good. XIL's say that "I look absolutely gorgeous and that I must be doing great". I say that I am well. They come over and hug me and are in awe. X looks at me wierdly too as though I were some kinda babe...and the next time I picked up son after work (he had son on his birthday), He made a comment to me (again FV not present) that he liked the outfit I was wearing but that I should wear a different colored bra with the top...The tiniest bit of strap was peeking outta my shirt and I looked very nice though. I tell him that my undergarments are not his concern.

So I've now gotten the ultimate revenge. I look better than his new W. He wanted a model and got something else. I am getting ahead in life and in work. I am dating. I am not taking his crud and am getting proactive now. I am not at all the same woman he used to know and it's gotta be hard.

Best plan is to Plan A yourself and your kids during this whole divorce thing. You cannot change an x. Don't give any energy to it. You can change yourself though. You can throw energy into your kids though. Put your focus where it needs to be. If you keep your life, morals, and family in check, sooner or later things will fall into place I promise.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justpeachy:

Best plan is to Plan A yourself and your kids during this whole divorce thing. You cannot change an x. Don't give any energy to it. You can change yourself though. You can throw energy into your kids though. Put your focus where it needs to be. If you keep your life, morals, and family in check, sooner or later things will fall into place I promise. [/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JP .. absoulty loved this part .. I agree with you about it. I also am looking better then my STBX's Affair partner .. always have in my opinion. I had followed you rstory for a while but never posted .. just wanted to say I'm glad you are doing better..

JP,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You said: I look into the eyes of my son's half sister and say "she is absolutely beautiful. May God bless her and I wish her much love and happiness." I walk away. You can never imagine how difficult that moment was. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just want to let you know how much I admire a person who can do that. Plain and simple, it takes class. You go, girl!

So glad to hear you are not only OK, but doing great. I was worried that I havent seen you post in awhile and I posted to you.."where are you" and you didnt reply.

Its funny, before my X left, he said I was better looking than OW, hate to think how he thinks of her now that I have lost 25lbs and now have time to devote to taking care of myself instead of babysitting and alcoholic/addict. Out with the old, in with the new. Had to get new clothes too with my new weight.

And OW has gained all the weight that I lost due to living with X's excessive lifestyle.

I went to a hypnotist to help me lose weight and one of the suggestions they plant is to think of situation where you are in alot of distress, and think of that when food is put in front of you, take away the pleasurable feeling when you eat.

He used to drag us all the time to the all you can eat buffets, and I hated them so much, I hated the way I felt, and hated the way he pigged out, and hated the way he would moan for hours and then repeatedly tell me not to ever let him go there again (yeah right..like I could control him), next week he would be right back there...So now looks like she is fitting in quite nicely at the buffets <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> (and my son reported that last time he was in x's car he saw large pharmaceutical jug of diet pills in glove compartment...wonder where he got those? He has been known to frequently steal from drug stores/doctors offices)

Good job on the graduation/ other child sitch.

So glad to hear from you
Smiles,
Dawn

Peachy, glad to hear that you are well.
About custody time, in my state, it's all about the overnights, so that's how it's calculated.
About work-related childcare, in our state/agreement, each parent is responsible for the cost of work related childcare (WRC) (split according to income). Just because he doesn't need the WRC, doesn't mean that you don't. So kindly tell him that you've made another (consistent) choice and you'll let him know his share.
Transitions are too difficult on the kids, and more so when another party is thrown in.
Good Luck.

Hey...thanks guys. And sorry sunrise...I didn't respond earlier to you...

I love the diet tip! I sure have alot of stressful sitch's to remember whenever food is stuck under my nose. So glad to hear from lostnconfused, avondale, newly too...I missed alot of you.

Today was cool. We just did alot of nothing. I bought son new shoes and tonight went thru spare bedroom (really stores lots of boxes as I condensed a three story home into two stories last year). Found box of photos and it was like looking at photos of my dad who died five years ago in June...It really feels the same now. But in that box I found some important docs and some birth certificate orignals and more copies and was glad to find them...

Got email from Jethro today...he's "out of the country" until wed night. Seems he wouldn't spill where he was btw..Just said I "could have son one more night if I wanted to". Son hears that dad's outta the country and he says.."oh he's with Ms. Family Values in Mexico". Now why in the heck can't they just come out and say that they're on their honeymoon or vacation or something instead of being so vague? I don't get it. Is it like I'm gonna fly down there and break up their little va-ca or something? I don't think so. Son said they brought the baby as well.

What a romantic trip. That's how everybody should do it. Shack up first, get preggers, marry at the eleventh hour, have no real wedding and bring the newborn on a honeymoon outta the country. Ah...the romance. The three am feedings and six am feedings. The screaming and crying and diapers. I can picture it now as I once went with JEthro to Mexico (our one year anniversary btw...and he's true to form again by doing same thing w/her as he did first w/me )...Just imagine this...He leaves after breakfast to go golfing. She stays with baby and goes shopping or amuses herself all day. She sees him for a few hours. Then after dinner he goes off to the casino to drop many c-notes down. What a romantic guy he is...lmaorotf.

Anyway, that used to be life with Jethro on trips. It's amazing but I used to daydream years ago whenever I'd see a travel magazine that I'd be the woman in the ad with the handsome guy by her side...not a guy running off to play golf or blackjack or hit on women in the dance club at the resort. Now after the storm hit a few years ago and the sky is clearing a bit, I think that chick in the ad that I remembered (I think it was for a Sandals' ad) just might become me.

So...anybody got any stories of their x taking the new OW or OM on same either honeymoon or anniversary trip as they did with you? I am curious if my x is the most un-original guy in the bunch.

Gotta go. Real life calling and zzzzz. Work is tomorrow and we know what that means. Yuck. RR (cute PA) is in vegas. Last night son and I went to eat at Bahama Breeze and I had a margarita...Muy Bueno! And we had a blast. I got a hilarious phone call from him. He calls house first and sounds a bit flustered and unsure why as to I was out at 9 pm at night? He says on message "this is very different. Where are you? Ok. No biggie. I will call your cell." Keeping them guessing is good I think. He calls cell a minute later and we talk for about 30 minutes. I don't worry about him at all in Vegas despite fact he's with the other buds...(all are PA's he went to college with and all guys). It's good not to have to watch over your shoulder. Nobody should have to again.

BTW...did anybody read the article in Cosmo this month about dopamine levels and the "in love" feeling? Yea...what I've preached for years is in print again. It basically in maybe ten paragraphs or less shows how to evoke the dopamine levels in the male brain to "go off" by basically being aloof. By either being first to get off phone. First to end the date. First to appear "foggy" if you will. Supposedly it triggers this response and I also believe it would probably work in reverse for females as well so guys try it.

I think this is key for those trying to get the WS away from OP for those stuck in this phase right now lurking here. Do the divorce busting 180 tips and then add some huge "dopamine boosts" and act totally counter to how you feel. I swear this works guys...

Peachy,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> said I "could have son one more night if I wanted to". </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What would have happened if you weren't able to keep your son? What if you had made plans to be out of town?

I would write a response to him like this:
Of course I'll keep son, as you know I value our time together. However, in the future, I would appreciate more advance notice when you need coverage on your time with him. I was able to change my plans this time, but may not be able to in the future. Two weeks notice would be expected in situations planned in advance.

And peachy, who cares where he's taking her. Just enjoy your time.

Glad your back JP!
Sorry to hear your X is being such a butt. Oh how you handle yourself so well!
I hope to learn from you, still!

Glad your life is going well.
I wish good things for you with the PA.

Take care, I will keep reading your posts.

K

Peachy-

You have handled yourself so well. I am so proud of you. You faced the worst and handled it with such class.

Your XH sounds so much like mine. No shame at all, just in your face, constantly manipulating and pushing his agendas.

As you saw at graduation, you are the only Mommy your son will ever have and it doesn't matter how much FV tries to force the situation, you can't replace Mom. I am seeing the same thing with my kids right now. The OW just doesn't get it and in turn forces herself on the kids and now they are like back off please! The more she pushes the more the kids back off. It is a no win situation for these women, but I really feel for our kids.

As for the dating thing. Have fun. I agree with the staying aloof thing. I truly believe there is no better way to get the guy intrigued then to be aloof. It keeps them guessing and keeps up the whole thrill of the chase idea. Enjoy!

One last note, the whole idea of the bombshell OW is highly overrated. In reality it seems that more often than not these women are far less attractive and with it than the betrayed wives. What are these men thinking?

Good luck and keep us posted!

Take care and God bless!
K