Kimmie,
Welcome to MB. This is a great place to learn what's going on, how to deal with it all, what WILL work, what won't - learn how to deal with the flood of emotions you will feel.
First of all, stop re-acting. Start taking control of your emotions. Start taking good care of YOU and your children.
He is going to do what he is going to do. Right now, he is running away. You say you "tried Plan A, tried Plan B...."
These are not some
strategy you try in order to get what you want. Plan A is a way of acting to change the WRONG things you were doing in your M. It might be LoveBusters, or Disrespectful Judgments, or Angry Outbursts.........see?
To read more about these, click on the link to Concepts at the top of the page.
I was guilty of all of the above - and much worse. My H left and div'd me
without my say-so, I live in a state where one spouse can get a divorce just b/c they want to.......I thought I was powerless. I learned from this place that I DID have power. No, maybe not to change my H's mind at that time, but I had power over other aspects of my life. I took back my control, and started worrying less about what he is/was doing. It gave me peace of mind, if nothing else.
I changed ME. I changed the way I hung on his every move. If I waited and hoped, and I would fall into depression over the fact that he was w/"
HER."
Finally,
gradually, I stopped making it about HIM. It was about
ME. I made my life about ME. I started focusing more on what I needed to do, to have, wanted to do.......
You said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">stbxH says he cares about me, but he never was in love with me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK, this is re-writing history. THEY ALL DO THIS!!! OF COURSE he loved you (prolly still does, somewhere deep inside him). Ignore these statements. In fact, DO NOT EVEN TALK TO HIM ABOUT "US"
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He's got a new girlfriend, and they want to move off and get married. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, well, they all say THIS, too!!! Just take it one day at a time......first you have to go through with a divorce. Sometimes they come out of the fog when that process starts, it's very traumatic.
Stay calm. Start making changes in YOU. There's really nothing you can do to change him. But you can change YOU, and get through this devastation with your self-esteem intact. These are good places to start.
God Bless,
<small>[ May 31, 2004, 08:21 AM: Message edited by: lupolady ]</small>
