I made the 2 hour drive to OM's city and got some really nice digital pics of WW's vehicle in his driveway. You can read her license plate and the numbers on his house. The garage was open and his vehicle was gone. Ran some errands, don't get to the big city very often, and went to Kinko's and made prints of the pics, a set for me and set for my attorney. Went back by and WW's vehicle was gone but OM's was in the garage, door still open. Made a note of his license plate number for future reference. He lives on a cul de sac so I had to make the turn around and go back by. Decided to go back and double check the plate number (had it right the first time) and when I made the turn around and came back OM was in his side yard talking on his cell phone, probably to WW, maybe the police but I pay my taxes and I can drive down any public street I want, right? He stared at me and I stared at him and rolled by slow. I had promised those that knew I was going I would not confront him, not time yet I keep getting told. So I was good and didn't even flip him off or anything. Those around town that have seen him have told me he looks older than his 54 years and I would have to agree. He is 11 years older than WW. He bears a remarkable resemblance to WW's deceased father, a little larger but his face is pretty close. I asked her after D-Day if he was a father figure and she just grinned, now I know he is. WW was back at her house when I got back to our little hamlet, unusual for her- the pattern has been she would come back tomorrow a.m. in time for work. She left before 1:30 p.m. today. Maybe things are starting to cool off some.

Just a question....

Your signature line shows divorced.

Why are you stalking her?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Elan:
<strong> Just a question....

Your signature line shows divorced.

Why are you stalking her? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think the dv date is a future court date. Just a guess. However, given that he is taking pictures for the lawyer, etc. that seems to be reasonable.

Tony

deafjeff,

Man that must have been rough. Sometimes I wished that I would find STBX with someone. It would have explained alot to me but that doesn't seem to be the case for me.

After reading your post, I guess I'm lucky that STBX doesn't have OM or I would probably be in jail right now. I don't think I would have handled it as well as you.

WIWH

do you realize that in most states, affairs are meaningless with respect to the divorce proceedings? You are just hurting yourself by seeing this.
Focus on you and on your recovery. That will pay off in the future.

E: JSC is correct, the DV-Day is scheduled for 08/02/04- thats August 2nd, this year. I'm not stalking, I'm gathering evedence.

WIWH: It ain't easy but I already new she would be there and it wasn't as bad as the first time I actually caught her there back in March. I've known about this OM since February. I would love to have it out with him but, like you, I would probably go to jail. That would cost me my job and blow any shot at custody all to hell.

Newly: I have been told that affairs don't mean much in this state, shows shes a bad wife, not a bad mother............. but even her attorney told her to cool it and she has not. If she insists on going through with this, it will be court record what a tramp she is. As far as hurting myself, maybe I need this so I can move on.

Maybe you do, but is it worth the mental and physical energy extended.

Take the time to work on yourself to be the best person and the best parent you can be. I believe it is our job as parents to minimize the impact on the children, and improve ourselves for their sake.

N:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> but is it worth the mental and physical energy extended.

Take the time to work on yourself to be the best person and the best parent you can be. I believe it is our job as parents to minimize the impact on the children, and improve ourselves for their sake.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For me it is worth the mental a physical energy extended. I absolutely know where she was, so there is no second guessing. She is still with OM, probably time for me to move on. Thats working on myself. The kids are with my parents getting some much needed time with them, so I'm not taking time away from them to do this. I do my best to keep the impact on them to a minimum. WW is the one that told them about OM, showed them his picture, calls them from his house, and lies to them about where she is when they already know. Perhaps the best way I can improve myself for their sake is to get WW out of my life as much as possible. This helps to make that decision.

That notion, "bad wife not bad mother" is such a disappointing belief. I can't wait to finish law school. That argument is weak.

The two go hand in hand. Bad wife not bad mother.?? How can you be one without being the other? Psychologist tell us that 70% of the spouses who abuse the other spouse go on to abuse the children as well. If I am married to a woman who can boldly go against the law of the land and the law of God for her own enjoyment, who's to say what she won't do? My goodness! To watch your husband/wife suffer, to sit back and watch your children's lives be torn apart so that you can do whatever it is you please is both a wonder and a horror. I mean, can a woman really love her children when she neglects the father of her children and the man she made a vow to? Doesn't love include sacrifice? How can you argue that one is being a good parent when they choose self over the betterment of their own children, "I need to be happy...God wants me happy...I am not happy at home...the children will be better off in the long run".

If I ever have a divorce case I will go into the mind of an adulterer to prove that their mind, their interest does not lie with the children or the family, but rather in themselves and they will sooner neglect the children, again, than do what is best for them. As Bill O'Reilly put so succinctly, "You must see people as they are, not as you want them to be. You are not going to change a callous, cruel, selfish person." Bad wife bad mother. Bad husband, bad father. That good mother, but not good wife is an oxymoron.

DTIA: Very well put. I'm going to copy it and give it to my attorney. He is supposed to be the smartest one around but I haven't heard anything so eloquent from him. If I could was start over, I would pick the meanest instead of smartest.

Way to go D2IA!!!! Check mate! I agree wholeheartadly, you my freind will make a great lawyer someday.

thanks WMWB. The way I feel today, I will only take on divorce cases, cases where the spouse cheated and was trying to get over on the other spouse.

What a shame.

DTIA: When this started my attorney told me to do some digging and see what I could come up with. This was before either D-Day. When I had the goods on WW he said "See, isn't detective work fun!". And it might be if it wasn't my life. A while back the magazine insert in the Sunday paper, Parade I think, had their annual What People Make edition and there was a private investigator making way more than what Jeff is. I have thought seriously about going into that business and specializing in busting WSs. Looks like there is plenty of business to be had. I'll give you the referral when the BSs are looking for an attorney.

sounds like a plan.

There definitely needs to be in place something that will serve as a deterrent for people who may be faced with the opportunity to break up a family. Obviously, people's morals are shot. A man choosing to lay down with a woman he KNOWS is married has moral issues. But I bet if he knew he could face jail time or a half a million dollar fine he'd make the right choice then. Oh, I bet people will think twice...three, four times before they slept with a married individual. Sex with this married person and jail? Or sex with this single person and stay free? Hmmmmm.

Something needs to be done. One state at a time. Hey, if they can push for same sex marriage we can push for this. There is nothing unconstitutional about saving marriages from horny, immoral men and women, is there?

There would still be plenty of business. Too many men can't think when the "other head" takes over and too many women seem to be like Lassie, just an old b!tch in heat. They're going to do it even if it could mean the chair.

Ooops, did I say that?

Newly took the words right out of my mouth. Courts don't concern themselves with morality issues, it's all about the finances...the business of it all. In fact, unless there is physical abuse or drug/alcohol issues, the court doesn't take notice of the reasons for divorce.

Regarding dating others, my attorney just asked me if I was seeing someone, and when I said no, he said, well you should be... so obviously dating isn't an issue either.

As I have muddled through this divorce process (one year tomorrow since initial filing, court date scheduled for 6/16) it has surprised me continuously that there is no room for emotions in the process, no room for the drama, and no concern for the reasons or causes of the breakdown of the marriage. It is calculated, cool, detached and basically the division of a corporation. I read many books on divorce that gave advice on what to do and what not to do, and I have found that none of the advice given in the books really exists. I think that they are written only for the drama of it all. My attorney didn't care if I was dating again, if my STBX was dating again (he has had at least 3 girlfriends that I know of)... and none of it matters to the court.

You'll not win anything more with the proof of the photographs, even if they were photographs of the 2 of them in bed engaged in sex. The court would never allow the photographs into their courtroom to be paraded around like a circus. The courts are far too crowded and dignified to allow for such evidence. A charge of "adultery" will be all that is allowed (depending on your state.. you can't charge adultery in this state unless you have the name of the other person and have served papers upon them to validate the charge).

You are bringing yourself unecessary pain to follow her and OM and witness them. Even if you needed to see this to get past it, OK, so you've been there, seen it... enough of that. Move on and as Newly said, start to work on yourself. In time the pain and hostility that you feel toward OM and W will ease hopefully. Maybe a counselor would help you with the issues that you have listed in your response....

Good luck

MM: Thanks for your response. I am looking into the adultery charge here but don't have real high hopes. I know its time to work on me and move on. Easy to say but not so easy to accomplish. As for OM and WW, I hope they remain together through eternity in a very warm special place.

Not sure what I will do when I see the OM. At some point that will probably happen.

I will probably just spit on the ground and walk away.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by JustinExplorer:
<strong> Not sure what I will do when I see the OM. At some point that will probably happen.

I will probably just spit on the ground and walk away. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You could walk across the street to him... spit on his shoes... and simply say "Huh... I guess I guess I would..." then walk away <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> !!!

Just kidding... I see my WW's OM every day... he lives two doors away. I think it would be better not to have to see him.