How do you feel about women persuing you? Do you like it? Dislike it? or how is it that you feel about it? List your age too if you don't mind, I want to see if it's a generational thing or what!!!

I said that this time around, I wanted someone to pursue me, and that ain't happen' and I am wondering why. My oldest daughter and I talked about this the other day, she liked it when her husband had pursued her, she had pursued a few guys in her time, but she liked being pursued. We also talked about why it might not be happening for me, and she was pretty blunt and said "mom you intimadate people" I never thought of it that way. I am very strong, stand on my own person, never thought as myself as an intimadater!!

So anyways a little background on what brought up the thought or question!!!

Thanks guys for your help on this one!!! Ladies jump in yourselves with if you would persue someone or not and what or how it is that you would do that!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by daybreak:
<strong> How do you feel about women persuing you? Do you like it? Dislike it? or how is it that you feel about it? List your age too if you don't mind, I want to see if it's a generational thing or what!!!

I said that this time around, I wanted someone to pursue me, and that ain't happen' and I am wondering why. My oldest daughter and I talked about this the other day, she liked it when her husband had pursued her, she had pursued a few guys in her time, but she liked being pursued. We also talked about why it might not be happening for me, and she was pretty blunt and said "mom you intimadate people" I never thought of it that way. I am very strong, stand on my own person, never thought as myself as an intimadater!!

So anyways a little background on what brought up the thought or question!!!

Thanks guys for your help on this one!!! Ladies jump in yourselves with if you would persue someone or not and what or how it is that you would do that!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was always the one who initiated. Until I met my wife. She did the pursuing. I didn't like it at first, because I didn't want anything with her.

But, something struck me after a while.

Jarod wrote
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was always the one who initiated. Until I met my wife. She did the pursuing. I didn't like it at first, because I didn't want anything with her.

But, something struck me after a while.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Jarod, You didn't say how old you are! Why is it that you did not initiate with your wife? You said that you usually were the one. What did you not like about it at first? Did she finally wear you down or out?

Thanks,
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I like for her to let me know that she is interested or that I have a chance. But I don't like for her to be overly aggressive. Subtely flirtatious, I think best describes it. Dropping hints every so often that she's digging me. For me, personally, I think that now, whenever I start dating again if I am offered sex too early I will probably step back. It would probably give me flashbacks to how easy my wife was with the other guys. But that's just me. I'm 30 by the way.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I like for her to let me know that she is interested or that I have a chance. But I don't like for her to be overly aggressive. Subtely flirtatious, I think best describes it. Dropping hints every so often that she's digging me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with deadtoitall here.

I would be very flattered by a Woman "persuing" me and I may even like it. Wouldn't know for sure unless it happened now. Any other time it came close to happening I was "Happily Married"

I think that with a little mutual flirting, 2 people will see if there is any interest from the other and the persuer/persuee roles will pretty much happen on their own.(but then I haven't done this in 17 years)

WIWH

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by daybreak:
<strong> Jarod wrote
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was always the one who initiated. Until I met my wife. She did the pursuing. I didn't like it at first, because I didn't want anything with her.

But, something struck me after a while.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Jarod, You didn't say how old you are! Why is it that you did not initiate with your wife? You said that you usually were the one. What did you not like about it at first? Did she finally wear you down or out?

Thanks,
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm 24.
It wasn't that there was anything I didn't like, neccisarily... it's that, at the time, I didn't want a relationship. Especially not with a single, expectant mother. I greatly admired her, and thought she was a beautiful and wonderful woman... but, still... I didn't want to be involved with anyone.

She didn't wear me down. I made the choice with a clear mind. I'd say, if anyone convinced me, it had to have been The Man Upstairs...
I guess an official memo came down from The Boss, with my new assignment. "Take care of these two, Wynde. It won't be easy... but, I'm counting on you. That raise, and company vehicle are on the way. -God"

I'm 47 and I don't mind being persued a little, just not too aggressively. Mutual flirting works well. If Aug. 2nd ever gets here, I have a short waiting list.

I'm in my (very) late thirties. My take is simple: I appreciate honesty and respect.

If a woman were interested in me, my respect for her would be greater if she came out and told me instead of being too timid to say anything or instead of playing coy little games. (Besides, I wouldn't know to interpret that kind of game-playing as an interest in me personally; I'd more likely take it as just the expression of a flirtatious personality.)

On the other hand, if I did not share her interest in exploring romantic possibilities, and I established boundaries on our relationship, I would not be happy if she failed to respect those boundaries. (I don't think occasional flirtatious reminders of her continued interest would bother me, however.)

If a woman friend confessed to a romantic interest in me, I don't believe that would jeopardize our friendship - at least from my end.

I must admit that this is all just conjecture on my part, though. To the best of my knowledge, no woman has ever pursued me or even expressed the slightest bit of romantic interest in me. Perhaps I'm just one of those guys who everyone always just sees as "friend" material.

Regarding the intimidation factor, I gather that it's not unusual. When a man is attracted to a strong woman, or to a woman who seems to be out of his league, he has to deal with the fears that he will be rejected outright, or that his inadequacies will be exposed (and then he will be rejected), or that he will be dominated. To escape those fears requires an ego big enough to miss recognizing their validity in the first place. To overcome those fears requires an ego strong enough to survive rejection and to view the prospective relationship as an inspiration for self-improvement.

Hmm. Maybe I should flatter myself and consider the possibility that the reason no woman has "pursued" me is that they find me intimidating. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Hey guys thanks for your help!!! However I think I am more confused and that is because of me not you all!!! It's been close to 25 years since I flirted and I am finding that it's not as easy as getting back on the bike again!!!!

The one guy is a friend of x's and mine, we've known each other for years, there are some sly comments back and forth. However we do not see each other unless one of us would set up, I did so this past weekend, so don't know that I should push (pursue) or let the ball be in his court. I would be greatly flattered if he were to call or show up on my door step one night to go for a walk or sit and visit, I have a great deck and view!!! But I don't feel right in doing the same.

The other guy and I have made the eye contact and smiles a few times, but he isn't aware that I am interested, hasn't gotten the hints and I have put a few out there, and I don't care to hit him with a 2x4. We do see each other on a regular basis though.

I guess I have read to many romances and I want to have someone come in and sweep me off my feet!!! UGH!! This is life though so I guess that won't happen! Maybe just doing something nice for me cause you know it would make me smile, the one guy knows that I love cappauciano and I think that that would be great if he would show up sometime with one!!!

I am sure the info that you guys have shared has helped some of the other females on the board, so thank you!!!


Ladies lets hear what it is you would want from a guy?

Maybe we could create our dream dates right here on line!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I did so this past weekend, so don't know that I should push (pursue) or let the ball be in his court. I would be greatly flattered if he were to call or show up on my door step one night to go for a walk or sit and visit, I have a great deck and view!!! But I don't feel right in doing the same.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK So how about a simple "You should drop by sometime"

Not to foward and puts the ball center court!

OK - I'm not one of the guys - 49 year old gal.

But I've ALWAYS preferred being pursued.

No matter what philosophy I've had during my lifetime (atheist to Christian, feminist career woman to stay at home homeschooling mom) this has stayed constant:

My belief that it's just not natural for the female of the species to pursue or compete for the males. I think females, children, society in general, AND males benefit from the male having to compete for the female. One of my favorite movie lines is Jack Nicholson saying "You make me want to be a better man." (In the movie "As Good As It Gets" his date had told him he had better say something flattering to her or she was walking out of the restaurant).

I'm soon to be 39, and not too perceptive. So gals, if you are interested in us not so perceptive types, you may need to be obvious. Tell us about how you feel, use words if necessary, LOL.

I like to be chased a bit, and like to know who I should chase.

Well, no one, right now, I'm still married, but if the good Lord has it in the plan for my lovely bride to walk away then...


Tony

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by meremortal:
<strong>My belief that it's just not natural for the female of the species to pursue or compete for the males. I think females, children, society in general, AND males benefit from the male having to compete for the female.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ugh. Competition.

I don't want to compete for a female. And I don't want to "win" a woman's heart. A woman is not some kind of prize; she is an individual with her own dreams and desires.

If I love someone, I want what's best for that person. So if a woman I love would be better matched with someone else, I don't want to divert her from a more appropriate relationship just because I was more aggressive, or just because I was earlier in line.

It seems to me that in the process by which a woman decides whether I am the right man for her, I can have only two legitimate roles: (1) I must show her who I really am, and (2) I must show her that I love her in whatever ways I can.

If that counts as pursuing...well, OK. But my approach also works in my current situation, where the woman I'm interested in has explicitly forbidden me from "wooing" her.

Ok, I find this topic rather interesting… as it is an area I will undoubtedly need some MAJOR help. I too am a very unobservant type when it relates to woman and signals… dense would probably be a better term. Anyhow, like some of the others I don’t think I would be able to tell if a woman was interested unless she actually came out and said “Hey, ask me out already…” I think I have had a few woman attempt to pursue me… but usually I don’t recognize it until they start annoying the crap out of me (constant emails and phone calls) then I tend to put even more distance between us, I guess to answer the question I find it to be a turn off.

I just wish the signals woman used were easier to read… eye contact and a smile just seem to be too vague at the time it happens. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me. It would be nice if they would just do something like ask about my plans, then follow up with something like “I’d really like to go and see that new movie with so and so in it…” I could take that hint…given the tone of voice and necessary body language and such. But simple eye contact and a quick smile…nah, I usually just see that as “being nice.” To make things even worse… I have just one heck of a time ascertaining the approximate age of people these days. I’m about to be 28, and I’ve been out of the loop for about 6 years… I was never very “in” the loop to begin with. It seems that the older I get, the harder it is to figure out how old woman are. For example, there is a teacher at my son’s pre-school who has done the “eye contact and smile” thing a couple of times, but I can’t pin her age down… never mind that I’m still married for the time being. I have her pegged somewhere between 18 and 25 but I honestly can’t narrow it down from there. She seems interested but… how the hell does a guy qualify the age factor? You can’t just go up to a woman and say “Hey, how old are you? I just want to know if I’d be breaking any laws when I ask you out.” I just don’t see that working.

Anyway, I’m rambling here so I’ll cut it short, I guess as a guy I prefer to do the pursuing. BUT, the signal could sure be a heck of a lot easier to read from my perspective.

It seems in most cases when a woman purses the guy it is because the guy isn't pursuing her. With that in mind if the guy isn't pursuing her he must not be attracted to her. This is what I see going on with me and my friends. It is nice to be pursued but the person being pursued will end the pursuit if he doesn't want anything to do with the pursuer. I am 32.

Lots of good stuff here!!! Lots to make you think and wonder. The reason I asked for ages was to see or compare different thoughts do they run with a certain age group or what.

Confused_guy said something that really struck me and I guess is a pretty much how it is I feel, guess I wanted to step outside of the box and I am finding that very un-comfortable. Was very self concious as a 250lb women and thought that it would be different a 100lbs lighter, but it's not.

Confused_guy said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It seems in most cases when a woman purses the guy it is because the guy isn't pursuing her. With that in mind if the guy isn't pursuing her he must not be attracted to her. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks guys for all of your responses, I'll be out of town til Saturday morning, but will check in then.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It seems in most cases when a woman purses the guy it is because the guy isn't pursuing her. With that in mind if the guy isn't pursuing her he must not be attracted to her. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have to disagree with this. I have been atracted to other women that I did not persue. Even before my W.

I would say that it's more like the guy would not be persuing because he doesn't have an imidiate intrest or feels that the woman wouldn't. A little persuing from the woman can spark that intrest to lead the guy into the persuing.

How many times do people not come foward because they say to themselves"Why would that person be intrested in me?"

I say that if you have an intrest in someone you need to do something to let it be known.

OH I'm 35 and I too have trouble judging the age of women.

You all look the same to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WIWH

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Was very self concious as a 250lb women and thought that it would be different a 100lbs lighter, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WOW 100 pounds. Good for you

You must feel great!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by confused_guy:
<strong>...if the guy isn't pursuing her he must not be attracted to her.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I disagree with this too. I have women friends right now to whom I am attracted, but I am not pursuing any of them.

Attraction simply isn't a good enough reason for me to start a "pursuit." Before I would approach a woman in a way I thought might be interpreted as an indication of romantic interest, I would need to know her well enough to have satisfied myself that:

(1) She is unattached.

(2) There appears to be good compatibility in the areas of faith, values (both moral and personal), interests, intelligence, and personality.

(3) She is sufficiently mature and sufficiently stable.

It takes time to ascertain these things, which means that before I would consider "dating" a woman, either we would have to develop a friendship first or I would have to learn these things from a mutual friend or family member whose judgment I trusted.

Note that if a woman were to pursue me, even subtly, it would no doubt expedite the learning process. I do take opportunities to talk to any woman I find attractive, but I try not to do it too overtly or too often, lest I send the wrong signal. But if she were to approach me, that's an opportunity to get to know her that I didn't have to look for or wait for.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WishI WereHome:
<strong>A little persuing from the woman can spark that intrest to lead the guy into the persuing.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have heard it said that when someone is attracted to you and shows it, you are more likely to find them more attractive in turn. (Alas, I have negligible experience in such matters.)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>How many times do people not come foward because they say to themselves"Why would that person be intrested in me?"

I say that if you have an intrest in someone you need to do something to let it be known.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Personally, I think it's both sad and ridiculous how much emotional energy is expended both on wishing and wondering, just because someone is too afraid to speak up.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>...I too have trouble judging the age of women.

You all look the same to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, I'm in the same boat. This young lady I'm interested in...I wonder whether I would have fallen so hard for her if I had known at the time just how young she was. But by the time I found out, it was too late... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />