Well let me start by saying I am new here and new to all of this, thanks for providing a place to talk.
About 8 months ago my started telling me we are over, she doesn't love me, I am too angry, too self-centered, too prideful. So I go and start seeing an MC because I love her, she refuse toattend claiming too little too late. I start making life changes that everyone see's but her, I realize where I was wrong and own up to my mistakes and work on them daily. Mean while she has been hanging out with a lot on minors,she is 30 most of her friends are 15-18, male and female which is bad. She was accused of having an affair with one of them, I mean when you get caught with a monor in the parking lot at 4:30 a.m for several hours rumors fly, she reall hates intimacy I mean 4 times a year was banner year for me. I dont think it is true and she says nothing ever happened. She was told by the kids parents and her job at the church they would seek legal action if the relationship continued. Since she moved out 3 weeks ago it continues and she has minor drinking over there with our 3 kids present. My MC says that since she was raped violently at the age she choses to keep company it is normal behavior for her. She continually tells me we are through, that there is no hope and that I need to move on. She threatens to keep the kids from me and will not let me talk to them on the phone without her present adn listening in, because I try to control her life?? I dont but she seems to think I do. The resources on her have helped me a lot. My questions are as follows, she is beyond verbally abusive to me, I mean I got cursed for buying her roses. She is consistently only saying negative things, to the point if someone says something positive she runs me down to them and then calls me and chews me out for someone saying something nice to me. I want this to work because I know she is dealing with a bad past and I love more than I could ever express here or anywhere. Do I need to just give up? I know I just cant move on, nor do I really want to, I know with her always assaulting me verbally I just get more adn more sad over this. The kids and my love are the weapons she wields at me, barring hitting me with a u-haul truck this past week, and yes I filed charges but I still love her.

She threatens to get a divorce next week but never does, she says I will eventually divorce you just not soon, and then 5 minutes later it is tomorrow. She says she never wants to put herself in that position with me again and will never allow us to work, and then 5 minutes later she says if it is God's will for us to be then his will shall prevail. I am confused she is all over the map. I just recently got a job which was a big issue with her and me for that matter. I just have no idea what I am doing and need more advice than I am getting. My MC is doing a great job but we are only working on my issues and it is working, but the pain and the hole in my heart is still there and we can't and probably won't get that fixed. Thre is so much more to tell and I am keeping a journal of everything she does to me and how she is using the kids and really borderline neglecting them. I feel awful for this should I?

Ok I have raved enough and like I said there is so much more detail because it has been bad, from me being Baker Acted on her admittedly false statements to police to spreading horrible untrue rumors about me.. This is a mess can I fix this even if she thinks she doesn't want it ever?

Thanks
ChuckC

CC: Mine started saying the same things yours started with 8 months ago, only she moved out first and thats how she let me know we have a problem. I didn't have a clue. Since then, I have found out she is having an A (affair) now and that its not her first. Odds are that your W is too but thats not a for sure thing. Mostly I wanted to bump you up because it looks to me like you need help and maybe some of the more experienced people will jump in. You might post on General Questions II also, there seems to be more people to respond there.

I would have a tough time believing she is having an A, because of her past, although everyone tells me the same thing. It took her 6 months to move out after telling me we were through. Like I said she was accused by our church of having an A with a minor (17), which I had trouble believing but the pieces were there.
If she did I would forgive her I am sure. I think her past really has her hating me in general right now. I know she was asked out on a date and refused it recently. She still speaks to me and jumps from being in conflict to toal withdrawl. She at one point tried to set me up on date, she said I should just move on, then 2 weeks ago she said she was just going to wait and see what happened. I just don't know if I should stop trying or not, I don't want too because I think it can work if she would just see that I am trying night and day and that I got help. I guess until she is ready to get help for her past there is nothing I can do. She is convinced she is happier, and that the kids are better off without me. She just keeps herself really busy, a friend is always and I mean always with her, so she won't miss what she had is what I was told. I pray there is no A, the kids and myself would be devistated. Am I wise to keep a running documentation on everything she does hurtful to me and neglectful to the kids. Just reading it you would think wow what is she doing, some of the things are really bad adn she finds a defense for them. All I really know is I hurt bad adn can't make it stop, and that me being sad and her seeing it doesn't help matters much, but I can't shake being sad over losing my family.

I didn't think my W was having an A at first either. Then I started hearing rumors, then verification of an A about 7 years ago. Then evidence and verification of a the current one. The first thing 9 out of ten people asked when I told them of her move out was "who is her boyfriend?". The first thing I asked her when she told me she moved out was "is there someone else?", she denied it but there was at least an EA at that time and evidence of PA. No doubt of PA now.
I'm fairly new at this, some of the others that have been here longer might disagree but hears a few suggestions:
Continue MC if she will go, IC if she won't.
Get ready to hire an attorney.
See your doctor, you may need to be on an antidepressant and maybe something to help you sleep. I fought this for a long time, will be on them forever now.
Eat at least one well balanced meal a day.
Keep coming here.