We have been married 33 years. She is leaving me. She tells me that she loves me but she is not in love with me. It is ripping me apart! I try to tell her that my commitment is not built upon feelings but it is built upon commitment. Feelings come and go, and she is determined to go. What can I do?? She says she has feelings for someone else.

read and apply Dr Harley's stuff, remember that "all things work together for good in The Lord", and dont give up.
also dont get too upset that you dont get many responses here, I posted "need feedback... " and got none, I think I have picked up a trend where the juicy, ugly detail type posts get the most responses. but then I could be wrong.

I'm sorry for your pain. I know how awful this whole thing is. My H had an affair with my former best friend. It was the worst time of my life and since I just found out the truth, 6 years later, I'm living that pain again.<p>First of all, almost every person who has an affair does the "I love you but I'm NOT in love with you" crap. I think it's their way of soothing their guilt. Doing the I have a right to be happy, etc. My H said HORRIBLE things to me that he can't even remember. Having an affair is an addiction, and they need that 'high' to carry on. Being with that other person is all they can think about. They will do almost anything to satisfy it. The good news is that most affairs last 6 mos or less. Some longer. But only about 5% of them lead to marriage, and if so they don't usually last.<p>Of course that doesn't help when you're in such pain. I thought I would die. My H and I ended up separating for 9 mos and both went to counseling on our own. It definitely saved us. We ended up getting back together. But in the meantime, he helped her to find another job as his counselor convinced him he'd never have a chance with me if they worked together. I thank God for that everyday.<p>It's been a lot of hard work. It was very hard waiting all those mos, feeling like his consolation prize. I know now that he's in love with me and very sorry for what he did. But the scars are permanent and there are days I don't think I can handle it. <p>We have done a lot of reading which helps. I really liked Torn Asunder and the article Shattered Vows at findarticles.com<p>We have been back and forth to counseling for 6 years now. My H had to work on his issues, and me on mine. I really think that most of his affair was caused by insecurity. And she was obviously messed up to have sex with the husband of her matron of honor, just 6 mos after her own wedding. She's since divorced H #2 and moved away. She was divorced twice by the age of 28 which is pretty telling. I hope she has gotten the help she needs. She never did admit the truth to me, and tried to blame ME for what happened. It was a double betrayal because I loved them both so much.<p>It's taken a long time, but only with God's help have I forgiven them.<p>I wish you healing and peace. Please keep in touch

Friend-<p>I would suggest that you get some counseling immediately. My situation is 9 months old and I just now feel that I am starting to make rational decisions. The amount of pain that you are feeling affects your ability to think logically. I could barely function when I first found out. <p>Even if she is not involved in an affair, her wanting out of the marriage is crushing I am sure. You would truely benefit from having a therapist that deals with marriage and family to talk to now. <p>I waited three or four weeks and then went to the Dr. and started taking anti-depressants. I wish I had gone as soon as I found out. I am taking Zoloft. It is not addictive. It will not make you a zombie. It will however, give you the ability to think more clearly. Only you know your situation and how you are handling it. I can only say it was very helpful to me.<p>Try to remember that for better or worse this too will pass. <p>I am praying for you.<p>Michael

I am completely new to this and this is my first post, so please bear with me. the reason i'm responding to this particular topic is b/c i'm on the opposite end, the one that has said the exact same thing to my H, that "i love you, but i don't feel like i'm in love with you anymore". i've been married for 5 years, known him for 10 years and i'm currently going to counseling. i am sorry for any pain or hurt you are feeling right now, and i know that i've evoked the same feelings in my H. My best advice i can give is to go to counseling for yourself. we all make decisions in our life, and its important to decide to make yourself happy first and foremost. If you ever want to discuss further what might be going on with your relationship, i am more than welcome to try to answer any questions as i think i can give you an a view from the other side. take care

Ionv...I didn't see your email address on ur profile but I would like to talk to you if you wouldn't mind. my email is the_real_athena@hotmail.com