My husband and I got in an argument this morning, its a usual thing, he is very very cranky in the morning and will snap at anything I say. I went to take the clothes out of the dryer and asked him "can you please not put jamies jeans in the dryer next time, they will get ruined" I said it in a nice way, and he flipped, started yelling at me, I told him I'll have to buy her a new pair of jeans if they get ruined, and he got mad and told me to get my head out of my A** and a few more rude things, I was upset at this and as I was leaving I tried to drop it and say a nice good bye and he tells me that I shouldn't buy jeans for my daughter (who is 12) that make her look like a tramp. I couldn't believe he would say something like that, firstly she IS getting older and developing and she does look older, secondly the clothes she wears are NOT trampy, her jeans are the stretchy kind that all the other kids are wearing now. This really upset me, my daughter luckily didn't hear but has been questioning me what he said, she said "its about my clothes isn't it", she is already self-concious as it is. In no way does she look like a "tramp" as he would put it, she doesn't dress that way at all, she wears runners and t-shirts, jeans and sweatshirts, she can't help that she looks older. My H has been verbally abusive to me and at times to my older daughter, and I am just really upset at the way he thinks sometimes. Like how that could even come out of his mouth! Am I over reacting here? Or am I right here. When I was visibly upset over what he said he then says to me "oh, looks like a hit a nerve hey" which really put me over b/c it was like he was trying to insinuat something. What I am very upset about is that he would even say such a thing about his own daughter and wonder why it would upset me. If my daughter heard what he said, she would be devestated, to have her dad say such a thing. Am I wrong in this??? I don't know where to go on this, I walked out of the door telling him that I can't believe something like that would come out of your mouth about your own daughter. I am just really concerned that he will say such a thing and my daughter will hear. I need some advice on this, am I over reacting?

fedup - You have the right instincts. Something is bothering him, and he needs to get this out before he damages his relationship with your daughter. He might be so afraid his little daughter is growing up. Find a class on parenting, maybe counseling with your church leader, maybe individual counseling, or even marriage counseling. But this is a sign that something is bothering him. <p>There is no reason for him to swear like that, my WH did during his affair with the OW. Maybe he is having an affair? Then they see nothing good in their wife. Believe me, I heard it all. I was basically useless in my WH eyes. The OW was everything they ever wanted.<p>Swearing shows that there is anger, and abuse somewhere. Keep help and express to your Husband why you made the appointment. If need be, the counselor will want to see everyone. Who knows, just a suggestion. Be good to yourself.

Maybe I am off here but it sounds to me as if your post says that you did nothing wrong and he is the only one at fault. I dont buy it. There is alot more wrong with this picture than one mornings spat. You and your mate should be able to discuss laundry without a fight. I hear you "siding" with your daughter, and looking for people to "side" with you against your husband. Maybe you think that your life should resemble a soap opera. If not I would highly recomend reading Dr. Harley's books HN/HN and Love Busters. Reading a book alone is never enough but I think if you sat down together and put these resources to work your family would be in much better shape to guide that child through her teens than what you describe. May God be with you and your family.