Well, he did it again. Last night my three youngest were with my XH. My oldest wasn't there as she had a school function.

My five year old announces to me that Dad and OW told them that things were changing, that they were going to court, and they would be living at their house more. I just listened to her and then asked her how she felt. She told me she didn't want to live there more and wanted to know if they were telling the truth. I told her that her dad and I had been talking and that nothing had been decided. She asked if it was because I wanted them to live with her dad more and I said that although I wanted them to see their dad and be able to do a lot with him, that no I hadn't asked for this. I told her that nothing had been decided and not to worry. She seemed okay. Her two year old sister then chimed in that she didn't want to live with Dad and OW. I told them that things would be okay.

I then asked my son who is nine about the situation and he broke down crying. He said he didn't want to make me sad so he hadn't said anything. I told him that I was okay, but wanted to know how he was. He said he was sad and didn't want us to fight. He said he is really confused and doesn't want anyone to be mad at him. I reassured him that nobody would be mad at him. He asked if he would have to talk to somebody and I told him that I still didn't know where things were headed, which is why I hadn't said anything, but not to worry, that if they did have to talk to someone the person would be nice and was just going to talk to them. I told him he would be fine and just to tell the truth. He said, "Yeah right, maybe you won't, but Dad and OW will be."

My oldest who hadn't been there just sat there. She told me that I already knew where she stood and unlike her brother she was ready to talk.

The whole thing is just really eating at me. We had decided that if the time came we would talk to the kids together. Once again he goes off on his own. At least the kids are able to talk to me and I think I calmed them down. My son is really upset though and I know he will dwell on this. It tears me apart. What about what's best for them, my XH is so selfish. Other than increasing custody, which I am fighting for very good reasons, I am always accomodating to him. Why does he have to be this way?

Furthermore, I have to leave town for a week. He knows from past experience that the kids talk to me about everything. I am sure that he did this knowing that the kids would tell me so I would get upset and stew over it the whole time I am gone. I have received nothing official, so I don't even know if it's true or yet another bullying tactic.

How can I in good faith even think of letting him have the kids more when he so blatantly shows that he thinks of nobody, but himself? How can he put his kids in the middle like this? Any input is greatly appreciated.

Take care and God bless!
K

K,
Do you have a Rainbows class in your area?
Please look up www.rainbows.org which provides peer counseling for children of death or divorce.
My kids loved having a place to talk where they felt safe - and since it wasnt' a counselor, they felt it was fun.
Children are impacted by divorce at each step, not just when the action occurs. Rainbows helps them process it.
Good luck, and God bless you and your family.

Hi SR--

I think this man is sick and cruel!

I think it's all about the money.
I believe he is trying to get out of paying and he thinks this is the way.

He is being so cruel to your children. You are giving them stability and a trusting parent, and he is ripping their world apart.

I'm sure you are sick, and I don't have any advice for you.
It just made me mad to read your post so I had to add comments.

I hope he has not one leg to stand on and he does not get his way.

Thinkin of you!
K

Thanks newly and Karona-

Your support means a lot. My XH goes around all high and mighty spouting that he only wants what is best for the kids and then does stuff like this. No matter how hard he tries to put on an act his true colors usually come through.

I am just hoping the guardian ad litem will see through his bs and keep things stable for my children.

Take care and God bless!
K