2TimeLoser because I've been divorced twice now and I feel like a loser. The first marriage went wrong because we were just too young when we got married and we grew apart.

This is the story of my second marriage:

My second husband and I had been married for about 10 years. I swore that no matter what I was going to make this marriage work because I didn't want another divorce. Well, during the 10th year, he asked for a divorce. I was shocked! He had always told me that we had the perfect marriage, how good we got along, how well I treated him, etc. When he asked for the divorce, he told me that I was moody and hard to live with. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I became the "perfect" wife, catering to his every need without regard to my own needs. No matter what he did, I would never argued with him about anything.

Finally about 4 months after asking for a divorce, he confessed that he had fallen in love with another woman that he worked with. I suspected that. He told me that he would break it off with her, but he wanted to remain friends with her and he wasn't going to allow me to control him by telling him he couldn't be friends with her.

Trying to be the "perfect" wife, I agreed to his demand. But I couldn't take it very long, finally after 3 months of them "just being friends", I told him to leave. He swore to me that he would break it completely off with her and not even be friends. There were many conversations with her on the phone "trying to let her down easy". I tried for almost a year to forgive, but I couldn't take anymore of having been betrayed. So my son and I moved out of the house. Two months after my son and I moved out of the house, he moved in with his OW.

It's been a year since all this happened. I've accepted that the OW would be a part of my son's life and have included her in discussing my son, at the school's open house, etc. I was to the point where seeing them together didn't bother me anymore.

We have tried to remain friends. He'll ask questions about me and my life, and foolishly I'll tell him what's going on in my life. But if I ask him questions, he'll tell me it's none of my business.

When I met the wonderful man I'm involved with, my ex asked me when we are getting married. I laughed and told him not anytime soon. He said "same here". However, the other day, I saw the OW with a ring on her finger. So another lie. I'm so mad at myself for volunteering information about my life, and accepting his lies again.

Why does it bother me and how long does it take before a person just stops caring whether the ex is lying again to you and just accepts it?

My heart aches for you!
I don't have anything brilliant to say to make it better for you - but I just wanted to say that you shouldn't beat yourself up for being honest with him, and sharing what was happening in your life. You are what you are. an honest, up front person. You do not have lies and deceptions to keep up with, like he does.
I am readig a book right now that you may want to try - it is by John Gray - the guy who wroght "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"
This book is called "Mars and Venus Starting Over Again" It is about divorced people starting to date again, and talks about how to make yourself emotionally healthy before you get into another relationship. I don't agree with everything he says in the book, but there are some helpful things in there. He talks about how you need to heal your past hurts so that you can look at your ex wihtout feeling jealous, or angry, or bitter. You might give it a try.
Take care of yourself.

Thank you womanoffaith5! All those old feelings of anger and bitterness resurfaced with that one occurrence. I really thought I was over it.

I will get that book, hopefully it will help me get over these feelings and help me with making the relationship I'm in now work better than the last.