My husband told me last Tuesday (week ago) that "we" weren't happy in our marriage. I corrected him to, he wasn't, because I was. We "talked" a little, but I honestly think he is going through a mid-life crisis. He is 32 and we have been married 10 year and a 4 year old. We purposely waited to have children to spend time together first. I thought (still think) we agreed to have our child, although I admit, it was mostly me, but he had to help. My H likes to stop by a local bar almost everyday and unwind. I take 4 yr old to daycare and pick her up almost everyday. I'm bitter because he gets to "unwind" by talking with the boys and my unwinding is driving in traffic. I've openingly shared this with him. He went through a period last July - October of panic attacks. During this time he stopped dropping by the bar, but you know, I worried because he wasn't spending time with his friends. And honestly found him being under foot all the time bothersome. (He also admits that his panic attacks could have come from his turmoil over this decision). He also "goes" a lot. He plays softball, golfs, hunts, nascar races, etc... Before baby, I did a lot with him, including some hunting. But I can't now, I've got a responsbility, as he does. He says he's tried to change.... stopping by the bar, not doing as much,.... but that doesn't make him or me happy. I want a happy medium. But right now, he isn't willing to negioate. He hasn't slept at home in a week, hasn't talked to our daughter. I saw him Sunday and told him he couldn't run from his responsbility (not talking about daughter as much as general responbility). He says he hasn't moved out completely (his "room" is still full) and that he loves me, but isn't happy. He says no to marriage counseling, but maybe to individual counseling. My question is should I just give him the time he needs or do I pursue him? I'm worried because he hasn't talked to anyone, including friends.... they were all as shocked as me. And I'm afraid somehow, he is blaming me, which to me, we are both at fault. <p>TIA!
Scared of losing him.

If he will go for counseling for himself that is better than nothing. In fact, it is a good sign that he knows there is a problem and he has some willingness to deal with it. 32 is too early for midlife stuff, but is is obvious that he is questioning whether marriage and the life he and you have is what he wants. Men like this are ones who get involved in A's, but not always. He may be depressed, and certainly is unhappy. A counselor can help get to the real issues, so encouraging him to go is a big and hopeful first step. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I knwo many who read this will pray for you both.

Thanks for the response. Now that the hurt is getting better - my brain is on over drive trying to determine if the marriage is even worth fighting for. I love him with everything, but I'm now seeing where he might be right, if he can't change - its not fair to me... oh I don't know. Its such a hard decision and even harder fight? Can love conquer all?

Hang in!! Dont give up!! I feel my husband is going through a mid-life as well. We have been married 11 years, 2 children 3 step-children, and over the past year he has been getting further and further away, he has changed his look, lost weight, changed his hair, changed his clothes, going to the tanning bed, had 2 affairs, working 4 jobs, and I could go on, you can read all my other post and understand and get the whole story, but any how, the more I push and the more I ask, the more he runs. I have since just planned my life around me and the kids, yes he is still living here, but I am not gonna ask him to do anything. He had said that he didnt feel we were in love anymore and that it could never work, then he says he does not want to give up and that he loves me, but that he does not want to give me false hope, becasue it may not work. There have been a few night he has not come home and on those nights I do not sleep, i usually sit on the couch and cry. I understand when you say your head is spinning....
Dont give up on him, just keep loving him no matter what. Give him some time, but also make your top priority you and your child.
And if need be go to then doctor and get something for your nerves, I did and it has helped me 100%.
I love my man so much and never want to lose him. But know matter what I do if he wants to leave he will leave.
HANG IN THERE.

Dear sweet lady. Thank you for being honest about your feelings. Your story sounds real familiar. It sounds alot like a chapter from my life. I can not tell you how important it is to buy 2 books and read them together. His Needs Her Needs and Love Busters. If me and my wife had,,,,, well lets just say that I realy wish we had. I wish that we were still at the point that you are at now. And just in case you let him read this I can say that no bar in the world is more attractive than a loving wife. May God be with you.