After making an application for a court order on our 13th wedding anniversary (May 18th), guess my wife finally got up the nerve to say the words I had been waiting for her to say for months: "I want a divorce". She said this is a phone message to me on Friday this week.

Funny how there was no shock, not even that much dismay, only relief that this mess is a little closer to being over.

How did the rest of you take it when your STBX or Ex said those words?

My only worry is for the children, as my wife will not realize the long-term harm she is inflicting on them, not to mention herself, by carrying on this legacy in her family.

Shaken

Shaken,

I heard this a lot earlier on than you but took it pretty much the same way.

I figure that the relief comes from the end of not knowing.

I told W that I felt relieved that she finally was able to say what she wanted and I didn't have to go through every day waiting for it to happen anymore.

I wasn't happy about it but at least I wasn't dreading it anymore.

My 13th is coming in just over 2 weeks, wonder what I'll get <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

WIWH

WIWH:

Happy anniversary! Just kidding, of course. Thanks for giving me some of your insights.

Shaken

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WishI WereHome:
<strong> Shaken,

I heard this a lot earlier on than you but took it pretty much the same way.

I figure that the relief comes from the end of not knowing.

I told W that I felt relieved that she finally was able to say what she wanted and I didn't have to go through every day waiting for it to happen anymore.

I wasn't happy about it but at least I wasn't dreading it anymore.

My 13th is coming in just over 2 weeks, wonder what I'll get <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

WIWH </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Shaken,

I'm with you in your thoughts about the children as they are my main concern throughout this whole process. My wife's lawyer had informed her Friday that we will know the court date sometime this week. What's really killing me is that she also mentioned in the same conversation that it's "VERY POSSIBLE" that we could be happy if we stay together...uh???? I didn't say much after she made this statement, but I thought to myself if it is possible, wouldn't you want to work on it a little to see what might happen? oh well it is her choice after all and when this is over I will jut have to pick up the pieces.

Mine told me about 2 seconds after she told me she had moved out. I was unaware that we even had a problem before then. As far as the way I took it, I guess I was in shock. Stayed calm, wondered what in the hell was going on. Read something interesting in Private Lies by Pittman, he said that 90% of the time it is the WS that files.

Shaken,

I'd say I took it the same as well.

My X moved out in March last year, and it took him two months to say the words. He had been having the affair the whole year before, not to mention one 7 years earlier, that I never knew of.

But, like you said, it was a relief to know the direction he was headed. I kept hoping/praying he would turn around and come back home. He wouldn't commit to what he wanted. Saying he liked the way he was living, and wanted to keep it that way.

As soon as he told me though, I went to the attorney.
Looking back, obviously I should have taken more in to my own hands, but I wanted to know I did all that I could to keep our family together.
I wanted my girls to have both of their parents in the same home at whatever cost to me.

I don't know what the long term effects will be on my children. I know what the short term have been all about, not sure he sees any of it though.
He is living in his love nest, and life is greater than great.
I see two children that are hurt.

Anyway, I felt the same as you did.

K

I pretty much knew it was coming by her behaviors in the two months leading up to her telling me.

The fact is that I am more hurt by her complete refusal to do anything to try and save the marriage, than I am by the divorce or her affair.

Like many, I was relieved that she finally did the deed. Despite the intense emotional pain I knew that at least I would be able to have a life in the future that would be fuller and richer than what I had.

The best thing would have been for her to recommit to our marriage, but she wouldnot do that. The next best thing is for me to recommit to my life.

Shaken,

My WH and I have discussed a D before briefly and one day I asked him if he wanted a D and he said yes.He refuses to do any work on the marriage and is happy with the way things are(goody for him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ) but I started to talk with a Mediator and file for a D.I feel really empowered oddly enough.It was never what I wanted for me and my daughters but at this point,it feels like the right thing to do.I am not really that sad anymore either.I think because I have made a committment to myself again,like Justin said.

If my WH will not commit to me and the marriage and our family then I have to move on without him.I don't want to go on indefinitely living in this freakshow of a life with my WH cheating on me,sneaking around,hiding things,missing out on time with his children,etc,etc.I have to show my daughters a strong willed woman who will take no bull from any man and that I did everything I could to try and save our marriage but I cannot do it alone.A marriage takes two.

It is really unfortunate that I am here but I feel like this is the path I should be on.I pray to God all the time for guidance and this feels right to me.I didn't want to carry on this awful legacy either for my kids, being from a divorced family myself,and my WH's side of the family has never seen a D,everyone stays married until you die and so that is a big issue for my In-Laws to deal with regarding my WH.They are so very mad and disappointed with him.

SO I keep slowly getting the paperwork done and I have the 2 mandatory parenting classes to take this month before I can go into my Mediator's office and really get things going.But it's not over till it's over so my WH has a chance to pull out of his nosedive until the very last moment but right now,I don't think I really want him back.Too much pain and betrayal STILL and disrespect,I just don't think he has it within himself to change for the better.He is still very self centered and I don't want to be with someone like that.Not at this time in my life.

o

<small>[ June 08, 2004, 09:07 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Well, after $1500 evaporated out of my pocket in 8 days, and after some lost sleep, on Thursday my lawyer and I finished up the separation agreement and mailed it out to my wife. I guess all that is left to do is wait for some kind of a response from her.

WS made an application for a court order on our 13th anniversary (May 18th) and she only agreed to put it on hold if my lawyer and I could get her a separation agreement "in two weeks". Man, what a scramble.

I think she finally wants to start introducing her new man around and wants to make it look as legitimate as possible by saying she is divorced (she plans to file for divorce as soon as we have a signed separation agreement).

I think I managed to write what I consider a fair agreement... After fighting against the whole notion of a breakup for months, I am really in the mood for moving on now. Never did I think that I would lose my love for WW, but I have <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

So I guess if I can offer any advice to those of you who are in Plan B, stick to it, because it might be the only way you will maintain any love for your spouse.