After reading recent posts, I get discouraged on these boards. I've overstayed my welcome. I think I'm beyond the blaming stages and into recovery. I stay on the boards to help if I can, but feel I have little sympathy for people wallowing in their own muck.

Many on the D/D boards are parents. I see comments which appear to me to be against the best interest of the children, and appear to be vengeful actions by a hurt spouse. Our children are likely the best part of our marriages. They are gifts from God and are here to teach us about life, more so than we are to teach them.
So, what are we teaching our children when we are vengeful and angry and using them as pawns in a divorce or separation?
I don't want to know the answer to that question.
I believe children should be kept out of adult matters. They've lived through the turmoil of our bad marriages, and are recovering as much as we are. It is our duty to care for our children the best we can, using all tools available to us to raise emotional healthy children.

I hope that we use the boards to aid our recovery and seek advice to help in the recovery of our family/children. This is why I am on MB.

Newly,

I know I'm here to also offer anything I can, but more to seek the advice and support of others like you.

Unfortunately, children always have been and always will be used as pawns in D. Wether it's out of vengence or selfishness.

We can't change the people that do this but people like you can help the people that don't want to be like this.

You're children, my children and a lot of others will never be treated like pawns by us. As for the many that are, all we can do is feel sorry for them and know that our own will never have the experience of being a tool of selfish vengence.

My children are not just my children. They are our children forever. As far as they are concerned, mommy and daddy could never do anything wrong.

I just came from my DD's church Hand Bells recital and in his sermon the pastor said to trust in faith as a child trusts in their parents. When a child reaches up and takes your hand they are saying "I am going whereever you are". I don't want my kids to take mine or W's hand and say "I'm going with you because I don't want to go with them"

WIWH

<small>[ June 06, 2004, 11:45 AM: Message edited by: WishI WereHome ]</small>

I guess I am still here because I need to get a real life. Go to work. Come home and deal with children. Fix dinner and clean up dishes. That's about the extent of my life, it seems.

I've been here 4 years and I know it's time for me to go. I seldom offer great words of wisdom any more. Maybe occaisionally. But not very often.

However, this is still a great place for me to find help when I am having trouble dealing with my reactions to my x or to my children. And I truly appreciate the safeness of this place and the support I find when I need it. It does keep me from dumping on the same few friends locally. Besides, I don't have that many divorced friends. I'm not sure I have that many friends if you want to be technical about it - at least not friends I could turn to with these issues.

So, I guess I don't give it up because I still find something here that I need.

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 08:34 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Like our sweet Cinderella I'm about to hit the big 4 years... And I am not holding up my end of the added value wisdom part...

I think it's more ages and stages than people messing with kids minds on purpose. Sometimes we are so blinded by our own hurt that nothing we do is logical. Total voice of experience there. And, when you are not at the same point as someone else - when you've already BTDT it is easy to see things clearly - the whole hindsight thing.

I went to a Divorce Recovery group recently. I was so different than most there. Not only because I'm so fabulous, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> but they were at a very different point in life. It was sad/funny - because I could see who was at what point, and I could tell who was going to continue having a difficult time longer...

It's pretty tough to outstay your welcome here... you almost have to work hard at it. Burn out yes, but outstay your welcome Never!

So I guess this is a challenge for us to offer alternative solutions and our BTDT advice to folks who aren't seeing thru the pain yet? One or two really helpful posts a week? Drag that dusty MB 2x4 out of the closet... or is it in the shed... crawl space? Where the heck did I put that thing.....

And Cinderella you have tons of friends. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

E

Me, Myself, Personally I’m here to cruise for chic’s and suck face. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

All seriousness aside, I came here during my time of need and developed long term friendships. I’ve stopped on business trip to see my little buddy to west. I’ve taken awesome racing trips with my buddy to the east. I’ve had dinners and met people at airports. But more importantly it’s broadened my circle of friends and my belief about people. I have received SO much from the wonderful people here and if I ever have the opportunity to give back 1% then I’ll do it.

There are always going to be some people that I can't agree with but it's through those experiences that my faith in my beliefs is strengthened.

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

I’m an addict. I can’t help it. I can’t stay away. And I refuse to recover. There are friends here and something for just any mood I’m in. Plus, I still need youse guys.

As for wisdom, once I realized some may mistake my drivel for real wisdom, I change my signature line.

LH, how far are you from Kansas City? I'll be there for two days in Aug or Sept. for business.
You can add me to the list of MB people you've met. Or just come out east to meet GG & I.
And I still need to meet JTW when I go visit my sister.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by newly:
<strong> LH, how far are you from Kansas City?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Only about 2.5 or 3 hours. If you get your map out, go straight west on I-70 and you'll see a town called Salina, that's where I work at. Then if you go 15 miles west and 15 miles north, you'll see a speck of dust on the map, that's where I live.

Anyway, e-mail (bill@salinaplaningmill.com) me when you're coming in and if I'm available, I'd love to drive up for a day of fun and frolic.

See what happens when you're honest???

You get all kinds of offers. Not that Newly or I would take advantage of you if you came East.

Would we, Newly?

<small>[ June 11, 2004, 01:11 PM: Message edited by: greengables ]</small>

I don't think I'd remember how to take advantage of anyone.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'd love to drive up for a day of fun and frolic.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And don't give me ideas here. Last year in KC, I happened to be there at the same time as the Baptist Minister's conference. And when I went to the hottub to relax, I ended up in a discussion with a baptist minister - about divorce - of course.

"The only one who could ever thrill me was the son of a preacher man."

It could have been fun, Newly. Unfortunately, you got the preacher not the son. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Of course, you could have run into the Lutherans – Missouri Synod. Imagine the strictest parts of Catholicism mixed with the strictest parts of Protestantism, and you have the Missouri Synod. I learned about it from my darling mother-in-law, bless her heart.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by greengables:
<strong>Not that Newly or I would take advantage of you if you came East.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Where's my motivation <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> if y'all ain't gonna take advantage of me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

But seriously, if someone where to attempt to take advantage of me I'd probably need a map because I'd be lost.

It's supposed to be like riding a bike.

You alway remember how.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by greengables:
<strong> It's supposed to be like riding a bike.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I went for a long bike ride last night by the amber wheat fields. I got hot, sweaty, and out of breathe. When I got done my knees were weak.

I guess your right it is like riding a bike.

Oh, now I remember!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I guess your right it is like riding a bike. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The only difference I see is if you fall off the bike, you get back on and keep going rather than start all over again.

Good point.

Leave it to LH to make things dirty! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justthewife:
<strong> Leave it to LH to make things dirty! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No no NO Lizzy, all I did was mention fun the BAM, everyone's mind switches. Plus read through what I typed, I innocently talked about taking a bike ride in near the beautiful Kansas wheat fields. How is that dirty?