My husband has been gone two weeks this time for drug treatment. Previously he was gone 8 months, then home for three, gone for three week, and finally home for two weeks. Now I'm alone again. I am very happy that he is in treatment, and I pray constantly that this time it will take. <p>Right before leaving this time he hurt me deeply. This time I decided I would break all contact with my husband - and I've kept to that. I've received about six collect calls that I've refused. I know that I want my husband home and HEALTHY more than anything else in the world. But I decided I wasn't going to sit around waiting for that to happen. I've been hurt too many times..<p>I thought I was doing pretty good. I agreed to go out with someone I've known for over a year. I thought I could handle it. I was wrong. I went out with this person, and was unfaithful to my husband, and I know I'm hurting someone else in the process. I guess in a way I was self-medicating, I thought I'd feel better. This other person is calling me four or five times a day, sending flowers to my office and is looking for a real relationship. I DON"T. As far as I'm concerned there isn't a man on this earth that could replace my husband in my heart.<p>My hurt and anger has subsided and all I want is to talk to my husband. But I feel that I have to continue keeping distance between us for his recovery. It's tearing me apart!!

Being in an addictive relationship, rather drug or whatever is very difficult. It causes a lot of misery. So you went out w/ somebody. Don't be so hard on yourslef. Now you see your husband does mean a lot to you. You have been an enabler to your husband. I know you have been hurt but if you truly want him home and to get better now is not the time to turn your back on him. Go to meetings w/ him. Show him that you want him healthy and drug free. It will not be easy. But if he knows you are there he may work harder. Tell this man you went out with that you need to be there for your husband. Yes he may have treated you bad but it was his drug of choice. I have been through it w/ my family and still going through it. There is a time you can help and a time you can do no more. I will pray for you. Take care.

Went to visit my husband in rehab.. I didn't hear what I wanted to hear - that he was sorry for hurting me - I wanted to hear sorry for specific things he did. But then I received a long letter. After reading it I realized that he was still so confused he was not capable of knowing exactly what he did. He did say he was sorry for hurting me, but it's a general, sorry for everything. He blamed the addiction and said he didn't think I completely understood the addiction. <p>I wrote back to him to tell him I loved him, and I didn't think he truly understood what that meant. I told him I forgave him for everything, and would put it behind me. I told him I would always be there for him. And I told him I wanted our marriage to survive the addiction, however I was not going to sit at home waiting for that to happen.<p>I guess I feel that he needs to completely focus on recovering, and not worry about our marriage. I think that if he can take care of this, everything else will work itself out. So I told him I was putting our marriage on the shelf and would leave it there until he was ready to work at it.<p>All I really want is for him to tell me he loves me, but I guess that's not a priority for him right now. And I have to accept that.

Praise the Lord. You have not given up and that is a huge plus. Take it from an alchoholic, you can sit there with your wish list till Hell freezes over and he isnt going to be able to read you mind. I think I heard a very familiar sounding confusion. Talk to him. and keep telling him how you feel. My wife has realy hindered my sobriety over the years by refusing to tell me what she thought and wanted. She maintains that I should know. I wish I did. Finaly things got bad enough that she started talking and now things are getting better by the day. And I have been mostly dry fo 75 days and dry for 60. The Bible refers to a wife as a "helpmate" I hope that your marriage prospers. And I agree on spending as much time as possible with him, and telling him what he needs to do. Oh by the way, most rehab programs use drugs to "taper off" so that may be part of his fuzzyness. But that is ok, talk to the rehab folks and pick their minds, many are eager to get family help. Chang is hard to do when you dont have a darn good reason why. Tell him about the carrot he has on the stick often. As I told my wife "I wold a lot rather have (her) than alchohol."