I have posted many times..mainly during my marraige. Everyone said leave him-- and I did, b/c I got tierd of being "discretly" cheated on. He went on a 6mo "tour" that I could have gone w/ him on but he would not let me--he had local swingers directories every time I came to visit & made lame excuses 4 them, and a attatched a playboy friend permanatly to the hip (even on my visits) he truly worshiped who hated me. I betrayed my own morals, got excessivly drunk and cheated on him in return..and even still feel absolutly horrible, which I deserve.

The problem is now--almost 2 yrs since we seperated.. still not divorced b/c I desperatly need the insurance, and in part, b/c he said in our last fight that he "just wanted to try out marriage," and so, fighter 2 the core, I "just want 2 try out divorce." I let him keep 70% of the firniture..which was either ine or bought by my parents..so, I am not feeling 2 guilty.
Anyways..I have only 2 friends..
1-a friend from high school who called me out of the blue when I came bk here and is going thru his own probs in marriage(to my ex best friend from high school) & thinks he can get "something" from me (though he says this is not the case but flirting/touchy-feely crap says else wise).
2nd a daughter of my mother's friend (did I mention I am forced 2 live w/ parents b/c I am in school and dont have a job that can support me and me cats?)--she was my dearly-hated sister's "aquaintance" (I DO NOT get along w/ my sis--very bad situations) in High school.. and she claims to have never liked my sis, and seems to only call me when she wants something and only a few times when she just wants me to come over (never her come here--we live 30+ min away from each other--always my gas)..

Then my parents only use me for my truck it seems..they FINALLY bought their own but still use mine--b/c they have NO RESPECT 4 other's property..and since it's mone..they use my truck 4 all their nasty/dirty jobs and dont clean it afterwards.

My shrink--the only one who talks 2 me w/o making me feel bad only does so cause I pay her, My mother, whom I have a very tight connection to, controls me, or tries to b/c I live w. her..and she has adopted a new best friend who is my age--skinnier--and very rich cause her daddy buys her EVERYTHING and she works for him and she barely ever has to show up and when she does she doens't have to do anything. So suddenly, my mother--who has always scolded me as though I was hellspawn for drinking a few beers, now goes to a bar damn near every night to meet this hooker.
I wouls ignore this, but my niece (daughter of my despised sis) is here 4 the summer-- I love her-- but my mom took her out tonight with my fav sis to meet this b**ch friend of hers and my neice, completly lacking fear of anything mind yall, says this hooker is her best friend (yhea, ok, she says it to EVERYONE, but this girl, seriously seems to be trying to take my place--much longer story--I shall spare yall--so it hurt a lot!)And, my mother LIED about it to me!!!!!! LIED!!!! TO ME!! I WAS her fav daughter..but anyways..

My fav sis only uses me it seems for booze, and I am so broke I cannot afford my psycholgist to vent this to..so, any unfortuante soul who has made it this far, please, give me some advice or words of comfort other than move out--which I am DESPERATLY trying to do-- and find per-diem shrinks or whatever. I just gotta vent..and I'd like some non-raping words from someone who has nothing to gain from me. Thank you.

Hi there....

Phew - what can I say to that. It sounds like you have the whole world on your shoulders.

What I'm wondering is that maybe you're just so down just now that you're thinking too much of the negative things? From the examples you give, there aren't many that you can directly change (except in how you feel about them).

So a thought for you is to put some of these to the back of your mind just now, and think of the good things...

Now I know you might say there aren't many, but lets see... What do you enjoy? What makes you smile? Do you have any hobbies? ...

Epiph0ny,

I have nothing to gain from you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I agree with graeme. Being in a bad situation is also going to exagerate all of the negative that is around you.

Do something that you like to do. Go for a walk, go to the library, go do something and it doesn't have to cost anything.

Start doing things that you enjoy doing and you CAN do them by yourself. This is the best way to meet people with common intrests so you can make some new friends that don't need or want to gain anything from being with you.

And as for this flirty, touchy/feely guy, tell him to get lost. You don't need to be fighting off empty come-ons.

((((((((((Epiph0ny))))))))))

WIWH

Also, find a local Separated/Divorced Group - its like free counseling (ok peer counseling), but its typically free. And a great place to meet new friends.
And look for a local women's crisis center. They typically offer free counseling.
And if you are in school, there is a counseling center there typically. So use it.

Are you on meds, if not, it might help.

But also remember to count your blessings:
1. supportive family - you are staying with them
2. cats
3. Truck
4. Friends
5. A future - or at least education to pursue a future

good luck.