I am looking for a little advice. I have been trying to disengage from our R and it is hard. My W is currently out of town doing an internship but comes home this weekend and then leaves again on Monday. I told her I want to avoid her and not interact with her, if she needs to call let's just discuss the business at hand.

We have a rather simple case...but I have never gone through this before. We have no kids.

My W makes about $115k more than I do so there is a potential maintenace or alimony case. She is trying to push working through the mediator (who we met last week). I just found out she is now with another guy, which really ticked me off once again (why do I care?). So, I do not trust her although she is willing to bring forth financial records over the last 7 months since she opened up her own checking account....I was wondering if she was hiding money and my guess would be no since she is willing to bring forth these statements.

Do I get a lawyer even though they cost a potential bundle? Or try to go through the mediation approach? I have an appt. scheduled tomorrow with my lawyer. He was indicating a $2k retainer fee.

It looks like we will sell the home and divide the proceeds. Although, I believe she wants me to stay...again I said no today, and her response was that maybe she will??? That was odd since she is lining up a new job out of state through this internship...so why would she want our home? Maybe just joking to see my reaction?

Why is my W so concerned if I get a lawyer? She has told me to put forth a proposal and she is willing to work with me....her attitude really starts to change once I mention working with a lawyer. Maybe I can get more through him rather than the mediator approach?

Thanks for all replies/ideas/comments.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Maybe I can get more through him rather than the mediator approach?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is that what you want?

A mediator can help to keep things more friendly. and once you go to the mediator, you can always change your mind and see a lawyer.

WIWH

Hi Nature,

Since I am going through this right now maybe I can just tell you what I am doing.

I have a Mediator that I am currently working with and he gave me a stack of paperwork that I need to fill out(since my WH refused).Mostly financial forms and agreements to use him as a Mediator,etc.Also a Child Custody form but that doesn't apply to you.

Anyway,it would be in your best interest to also see a lawyer AFTER all the paperwork is completed and you and your WW have agreed to all the settlements beforehand.See,a Mediator helps you calmly and fairly work out the issues of a Divorce BUT you need to be sure that you haven't missed anything and that the division of property,assets and such is fair.Don't allow the lawyer in your case to take over the proceedings and start a D war.He/She may find all kinds of issues with which to stir up trouble but if you make it clear that you and your WW agree to everything,there is little left for the lawyer to drag out.

I would imagine that your WW gets upset at the mention of a lawyer because,naturally,she may think that you desire a big drawn out legal battle and so she may feel defensive even if that's not your purpose.

A Mediator approach is going to save you potentially,thousands of dollars so go as far as you can,since you are both willing,with a Mediator and then see a lawyer to review your paperwork.

Lastly,if you are unsure that your wife may be hiding assests/money,then there's a rule(in my state called a 410 Rule)that is basically a Mandatory Disclosure rule in which each party has to produce certain fiancial forms to the other and you can be held liable if you refuse.

In my case,my WH and I know exactly what we have,jointly,in cash,assets and retirement funds/IRA's etc,so the disclosure isn't necessary for us and it saves us time and money because we are agreeing,ahead of time,to our financial situation after a D and my WH said he would not contest anything(hopefully he'll stick to that).

Hope this helps.

O

OG, thanks for your insight.

This has been a rough week and I know you are going through a similar situation.

A few groundrules we setup 3 weeks ago was no one will change the locks and we are not dating anyone. Well, my WS is basically out of state (returns tomorrow for 3 days) and I know she is already seeing a guy she met last year that I confronted her about last Thanksgiving. She is in NY and he is in CT.

Of course, she said last year she was only talking to him on behalf of her girlfriend and said she would not call him again. Now I found out I have been duped again (and I know our M is over so why am I concerned but you know how I feel). So, I really have been very upset this week and she has been calling me constantly, I haven't picked up the phone till today.

I confronted her on the phone about this and she says what have you had me followed? I said I know what I know, it got very heated, she doesn't believe that I know about it because she does not want me any more upset. I am not staying in our home this weekend. Real crazy stuff and I have to keep the process moving forward to get her the *&%% out of my life!

Anyway, she seems to be accomodating at this point in time. She actually sent me her checking account statement from the last three months...so maybe she is not hiding anything. But it was a real crazy call today, it went all over the place. She had the gall to say the last hope for our M expired when she found I told my family about the A!!!! I mean, she is so out of touch with reality and has basically blamed me for everything.

I appreciate your thoughts and feel it may be best to go with a mediator....even though I am in a potential maintenance (alimony) case due to our income discrepancy. I was thinking an attorney would have my best interests at stake and I may get more $.

Thanks for any other comments!