Hi All:

I am confused and wonder whether anyone can point me the right way. I have been divorced now about one year. My husband cheated on me so I moved out and divorced him. I always told him if he ever cheated then that it would be over and I kept my word. I am peace with my decision, and even though he wants very much to reconcile, I won`t go backwards.

I have been seeing a man now for about two years ever since my husband confessed his betrayal. I love him so very much. He says he loves me too, and we have even spoke about moving in together. He just seems very reluctant though in other ways to take things forward. For instance, he has not yet met my two pre-teen age children. My children live with their father in the same town so it would not be difficult to arrange a meeting. However I am afraid that his meeting them would scare him off. He just wants to take things very slow. He always asks what is the rush, and I must say I agree with him.. Why rush? We are both in our early forties and have plenty of time.

My question though is how much I should tell my children about him. Some friends tell me that it is best not to discuss adult relationship issues with children; that it will just confuse them. Others recommend that I tell them whatever they want to know. The children ask about him from time to time, but I am reluctant to say very much. Again, I don`t want to push things and I still don`t think my boyfriend is ready to meet them. Are there other divorced women with children who are trying to go slow?

Fireball

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 09:14 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

LL:

He wants to go slow because he has been hurt before. He had two long term relationships which both ended. He tells me that in the end he doesn`t want to hurt me, so he is being very careful. All I know is that I love him, and I want to be together with him for the rest of my life.

As for my XH, he told me he cheated several times over about ten years while away on business trips; one night things; some of these times with whores! When he told me, something just clicked. I was so shocked because I trusted him totally. Sure I might be able to forgive, but I will never forget. He keeps saying he wants one more chance, that he could never ever cheat again, that he is now accountable to God, that he had some kind of mid-life crisis, that he has learned a painful lesson; blah blah. What about the pain he caused me? I could have done the same thing. Had so many chances, but I was 100% faithful. I kept my promise. He broke his. I am 40 now and I am really glad he told me now rather than wait ten more years when the children are gone. At least now, while still young, I had a chance to find someone. This is just a new chapter of my life.

We have two children (13 & 11) together and my XH has always been a good father but because he worked so much, I wonder whether he ever cared about me. He also let himself get out of shape. If he really cared about me, he would have shown it.

Are you also saying I should give up the Love of my life and go back to my XH? Why? Some of my friends and family tell me this. I am finding out who my real friends are. They just don`t understand what it is to be betrayed. I also have to show my children, that these days, a woman has rights.


Fireball