Divorce? The Bible? Wedding vows? What went wrong? My wife and I are both Sprit filled Christians. The Bible says NO to this divorce. Our wedding vows say NO to this divorce. My wife, her attorney, and the California court system say YES, so she filed for divorce in February for irreconcilable differences. We have been married 5 years; we have 5 children (3 from her previous boyfriend of 10 years and 2 children together). In a nutshell, she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and raise our children. I worked 1 full time job and 2 part time jobs to try to cover the expenses. I was doing everything I could think of to do. One day she said that my income must cover at least the "basic living expenses" like rent, utilities, cars, gas etc. I told her that is not a budget plan that we have agreed upon, she said that is a "deal breaker" (meaning divorce). So later I asked her if she was divorcing me because of money issues, she said “no, I just want to be single for the next 3 to 5 years” and “I just want to move on with my life” and “our marriage was a mistake” even though we were both convinced that God wanted us to marry.

I don't know what went wrong? I have the same questions that you do. I am a spirit filled christian and separated from my H. I have cried, prayed, fasted and counseled. I don't know why God has me in this trial and sometimes it is most unbearable. But He always offers a means of escape for me. Last night my escape was remembering this website. I don't know why we go through like we do, but I do know God can use it to build in us a character that is like that in Christ. Our scars will turn to character. I don't have answers for you, but I can relate to your questions and your pain.

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 09:27 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

My wife and the OM are also 'spirit filled Christians" to hear them tell it.

God wants them together in ministry so he apparently gave them some sort of relief from their marital vows and some of the commandments. Unfortunately, he forgot to tell me and the OM's wife that our spouses were freed from their vows and his laws. How inconsiderate of him to forget

At least one would believe that based upon my WW's behavior with the OM.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by JustinExplorer:
<strong> My wife and the OM are also 'spirit filled Christians" to hear them tell it.

God wants them together in ministry so he apparently gave them some sort of relief from their marital vows and some of the commandments. Unfortunately, he forgot to tell me and the OM's wife that our spouses were freed from their vows and his laws. How inconsiderate of him to forget

At least one would believe that based upon my WW's behavior with the OM. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Some people hear what they want to hear from God. In other words they hear what is convenient and what will make them feel good about what they are doing. But this of course is deception and not of God. Many people say they hear from God, when actually they are being deceived.

I hope that you will not let this harden your heart's belief in God. He loves you and will not allow you to go through more than you can bear. I know this is true because I cried out to my Lord and told Him "I can't bear this anymore" and He got me out of the abusive situation I was in. Please don't let your W's use or misuse of her relationship with God turn your relationship sour with Him.

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 09:29 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

God is allowing this divorce to happen, the church is allowing it, the California court system is allowing it, should I fight for this marriage?

I'M SO SORRY FOR WHAT YOUR ARE GOING THROUGH.
YOU NEED GOD RIGHT NOW AND NEVER BELIEVE THAT GOD HAS ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN TO YOU. UNFORTUNATELY,SIN IS THE REASON WHY THIS IS HAPPENING TO YOU. THE SIN YOUR WIFE HAS CHOOSE TO COMMIT. GOD LOVES US ALL, HE LOVES US SO MUCH THAT HE GAVE US OUR OWN FREE WILL TO CHOOSE A SPIRIT FILLED & GODLY LIFE AND/OR CHOICES OR A JUST THE SAME THE WILL TO CHOOSE A SINFUL LIFESTYLE AND/OR MAKE SINFUL CHOICES.

YOUR ARE GOING THROUGH THIS BECAUSE YOUR WIFE AND THE OM DECIDED TO BE SELFISH AND MAKE SINFUL CHOICES.

MAKE YOUR CHOICES AND CONTINUE TO LEAN ON GOD.

BEST WISHES & BLESSINGS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!

LoveMyKids,
What's the real reason(s) she is pursuing divorce????

If she wants (1) a higher income and (2)stay at home to raise the kids, how will she get those two elements in combination by divorcing?? I see no way. Poor reasoning on her part to divorce, it seems!

If her argument is, "I made a mistake to marry you", ...what was that mistake? She should confess it and repent of it and go forward in this marriage. Sounds to me like she married so she could stay home with the kids...that is not reason to marry anyone! But God doesn't let someone out of the covenant for poor pre-marriage reasoning. Once in a marriage, she's supposed to be learning how to love you, and if she is having trouble doing that, then go to Christian counseling to work out solutions. She may feel pain for whatever reasons but divorcing is not the way to solve it; it only creates more pain and troubles for the whole family, especially the kids!!

Her argument of "I want to be free/single for the next 3-5 years"-- that is not a choice she can make when she already chose before God to be married to you. Biblically, we either have the gift of singleness or the gift of being a marital partner, and she already chose the later. Her only choice at this point is to get counseling and accountability for both of you to work on the marriage.

JustinExplorer and LoveMyKids, both of you should do the Matthew 18:15-19 process, in which you get counselor and pastor involved in confronting these wives. They do not have Biblical grounds to be thinking like this or doing what they are doing. Time for a wake up call from your pastors if the pastors are Spirit-filled-bold enough to confront these wives and steer them back to God's Will of marriage!! If these wives have any valid complaints about their husbands, then husbands, be willing to stay accountable for growth until these marriages are mutually satisfying for both spouses.

I suspect the reasons for these divorces are that deep intimacy has not been cultivated and emotional needs are going unmet. Plus there's a cloud of spiritual deception along with ignorance about how to create a better marriage and keep love & hope alive! Is anyone unteachable in these relationships, causing hope to die??

<small>[ June 26, 2004, 04:21 PM: Message edited by: Renae ]</small>

I want to say something here. They may or may not be Christians, only God knows that. I personally believe that once a Christian, always a Christian. You may be choosing to sin deliberately and the Lord have mercy on you when accounting day comes... but, what the status of their spirit is, well, I don't believe the Spirit leaves them, they are just doing actions that are not in or of the Spirit. The Holy Spirit doesn't abandon those that it indwells. If it did, then you are saying that our salvation hinges upon our actions, of which I'm sooo very thankful that it doesn't...because I surely would never get to Heaven.

I have heard it is extremely offensive to a ws who is a Christian to haev their salvation questioned. Just be warned in that area, big lb's will ensue if you broach that area.

do you recommend any books or websites reguarding my divorce?

are there any posts on this forum that would help me?

the pastor that counseled us said that we had "root issues" in our marriage. Does that sound vague to anyone besides me?