I am 26 and my wife is 26. We have been married six years and have three girls. We started dating when we were 18. Early on my wife lost her virginity to another guy after we had started dating which broke my heart but I got over it. Early on in our marriage she was unable to have sex because it hurt after the birth of our first child. I was understanding for six months and went mostly without sex or intimacy. After six months I was tempted by a female I knew and slept with her three times. I felt guilty and I have not spoken to that female again. I confessed to my wife about the affair a year later because of a guilty concious. Meanwhile sex was ok in the marriage but something drove me to look for sex outside the marriage again at four years of marriage. I moved out of the house and into an apartment and had an affair with a woman. I still supported my wife financially and she stayed in the house. After three months I was miserable and I moved back into the house. I asked my wife for forgiveness and I believe she forgave me. Since being back home I am not even interested in other woman and have not strayed or had the desire to stray. I do have porn and have used it through the years to fill the sexual void in my marriage. I have agreed to get rid of it and will seek counseling. Things have been ok the past couple of years and we have had a total of three girls which were each 2 years apart. Over the past two years since I moved back into the house my wife has been very shut down emotionally and sexually. I thought it was because she was pregnant and was understanding when she turned me down for sex. Several months ago I talked to her and said that I didn't see things getting better and that she had our last child 9 months ago. After getting her to talk she told my that she had a fantasy to sleep with another man but not be emotionally involved with him it would be just for the sex. She felt like she has been cheated only sleeping with one other guy other than me and is curious. I had the opportunity so why couldn't she. I went into a tail spin and figured I wasn't meeting her needs so I scheduled a romantic trip out of town and starting doing little things like flowers for her. I admit I wasn't always the best about doing those things for her. For several months now I have treated her very well and have strived to meet her every need. But she still withholds sex saying she is never in the mood. We have sex about once every two weeks. Is that normal? How often should a normal couple have sex? I would be happy with 1-2 times a week but my wife tells me she just isn't into have sex that often. Yet she has sexual desires for another man, and masturbates once to twice a week. Since this new twist a few months ago I have bought books on improving our relationship and she won't read them. I was however able to get her to fill out the survey in the back of his needs her needs and I scored well on all points except recreational companionship. I am working to improve this. Does anyone have advice on this situation? Thanks!

Sounds like you are on the right track to me but I am a newbie and am A rooting for you and B waiting with baited breath for responses to your post. I am proud of your patience with your W. I am down to less than once a month but now that the cat is out of the bag I have become determined to fix this once and for all. After 25 years together I am ready to get this behind me!

<small>[ January 27, 2005, 12:54 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>