im new at this so bare with me. i am 19 years ond and got married about 6 months ago. i dated my husband for 3 years before we got married. i knew he looked at porn and masterbated which didnt bother me since i wasnt there with him every night. before we got married i asked him to stop. he went totally ballistic but agreed to it. after we had been married 1 month to the day i find it on the computer. his reason for it was "i felt like it." he knows i dont like it because i have self-esteem issues and it makes me feel worthless and non flattering. we have this discussion often. i dont know that he is still doing it or not. but, i found a magazine with naked women in it. nothing nasty just beautiful women in their underwear. i asked him to change the magazine subscription. he said he would and i asked him about it the other day and he said he still hasnt changed it yet. we got into another discussion about it and he said he knew it hurt me but he still does it. i dont know what to do. it bothers me so much, even when he goes to the bathroom, sometimes i will listen to see if he is masterbating. he knows how i feel about it and i feel like he dont care. i dont want to live the rest of my life like this. please help.<p>melissa b.

You are not alone. There are many wives who struggle with the same thing. The Internet has really added to the problem with such easy access to free porn. <p>It's hard to understand, but it has nothing to do with you. It's an addiction. Until he sees that, and is willing to work on it, it won't change. Being upset to him won't help either, although you are very justified to be. It feels like you're competing with a perfect air brushed beauty. Some men just like the no effort required, easy release of it. And the younger they are when they start, the harder it is to break.<p>I hope you can get him to consider some type of counseling. I have a friend who had to find an 'accountability' person for this problem. And the counselor said it couldn't be his wife, too hurtful.<p>Keep posting, I know others will respond who've been through it. There is an article called "When A Man's Eye Wanders" at something like gospelnet.com? I'm not sure of the exact address. It explains this problem and how it can be treated. Good luck, don't give up.

Hello Melissa B.
I am very glad you posted! I hope that by the time you read this you will have read "the basics" on this site. If not read them, and all the other materiel on this site. Also PLEASE order His Needs Her Needs and Love Busters.
Your post brought back memories. I have been married 23 years and I would give anything now to have had those books then. You write of both of you making mistakes, when you have read HNHN you will both understand this and be able to fix this early. Please, I beg of you, dont keep going on this until you have read enough to deal with this in a loving way. You dont understand your husbands need for sex anymore than he your problem with it.
My wife and I have beaten each other up (emotionaly)for more than two decades, only to finaly see that neither of is the idiot or monster that we precieved for so long. Not only have we suffered but our children, and families. Your husbands insatiable need for sex can be the best thing to ever happen to youall if you seize this oppertunity to learn and grow. At this point if I told you of the storybook romance that your marriage has the potential of becoming you would think I have bats in my belfry. So,,,,,READ THE BOOK! (please)
MAY GOD BLESS YOU BOTH AND KEEP YOU.

Well, this might not help but I hope it does.I am going thru the same exact thing with my H. We have been married 8 months. He never did it before we got married but now he does it anytime he gets the chance. What I have done is tell him how I feel and keep telling him. I have gone so far as to lock him out of the bedroom at night. Show him how horrible this makes you feel. I told my H that if he truely and honestly loved me he would get help for his addiction. He agreed he had an addiction (it took him a while but he did it) and now he starts counseling in 2 days. It takes a lot to make them realize that what they are doing is an addiction. I looked up statistics online about the addiction, printed them out and showed them to him. Once he realized that he did have an addiction and he wasn't the only one that did this he was more open to couseling. I think proving to him that this is an addiction made him realize how hurtful this is to me and our children. I hope this helps and I'm sorry if it doesn't. You can email me anytime. cwilliams811@prodigy.net

There are a number of us who are dealing with the problem of pornography and or cybercheating in our marriages. I would recommend that both you and your H take a look at the website http://www.pureintimacy.org . It is sponsored by Focus on the Family. Also drop by my site listed in my sig line for more information on the topic. There is a link there to our online infidelity discussion group that may be of interest to you.<p>Bluebird