Hi Everyone...Anyone!!!<p>I'm having a day here and the only thing I could think to do is write it down to you all. <p>First things first. I have been married for 9 years and just ended an emotional affair with a man I met on line. Because of me ending the relationship I have also seen the true colors of this man, not nice. Even still, not wanting to reconnect with him, I'm having a real hard time. My H is trying so hard, and me, well, I feel like I'm not. Not only that, but it's like I don't feel much at all! Mostly sad. I don't want to feel this way. I'm so sick of it. It has been two years.<p>What I'm asking is how do I end this in my heart and mind. I need some advice. I'm willing at this point to do anything to get me out of this!!!<p>Thank you in advance!

First of all, does your H know? If not, you need to tell him. EAs can be just as devastating as PAs, I know cuz my H had both. <p>If you are not going to counseling, either alone or with your H, I would strongly suggest it. You are either missing something inside yourself or in the marriage to make you look elsewhere. Counseling saved our marriage. Please don't let money hold you back. My H and I live on a VERY limited income but spent $5000 thru the years to save our marriage. It's much cheaper than a divorce.<p>I give you credit for being honest. I hope others who are involved in online affairs will see how dangerous/deceiving they can be. <p>Keep posting, read lots and don't give up

Congrats on ending the A. If you can afford and convince yourself, counceling is great but many find it difficult. At the very least order His Needs Her Needs and Love Busters here or at Amazon.com , Then get busy reading "the basics" and the other materiel on this site. Once you have absorbed these the whole thing will be in a much brighter clearer light and I am sure that you will feel better about everything.
May God bless and keep you both

Hi Maggierose,<p>Yes my H knows about the affair. Not cause I had the guts to tell him, but he found out. Stupid I know....but done! <p>I have been thinking about counceling for sure. But really think that I want to go by myself. If you were to meet me, I come across like a put together person...own my own business, but am thinking I'm not so much. Like I said, I'm not sure what the problem is and don't think that it truely all my H fault. <p>I do have the book His need Her needss. But here is a secret. I have a hard time comprehending what I read....so I tend not to read. It takes me forever. I wonder if it comes on tape?? But I will try, make myself. Like I said, I'm at a point that I will do anything to be happy!!!!<p>Thank you for your time.

Thank you for that bit of a reply about reading difficuly. My wife has told me the same thing almost word for word. I could get cathetorised and set up with food, drink and books and do nothing but read for days and didnt know what to think. I guess it is common. I just put it to both of you the same way, If your marriage is important to you you will read it. Ouch that sounds bad but I couldnt find any better way to say it. Congrats on trying and may God be with you both.

Hi Again,<p>I got the dreaded question. How do I feel love for a man that I'm not sure I ever felf love for. I'm going to start and read His Needs Her Needs tonight. I'm putting a lot of hope in that book right now. Here is the thing though. We don't fight, we do care for eachother, but there's no passion, or much affection. I can't make myself for one thing. Today, I feel like we are roommates! <p>The truth. Not sure if I do want to save my marriage, but I feel like I have no other options, so I better make it work, or at least better!<p>UGG!!

dr h recommends meds....anti depressants for the withdrawal stage....and you are there sweetie...go see a dr and consider the meds...it could be an incredible help and help h too...imagine how hard this is for him.

Hi Starfish,<p>I do know this is hard for him, my H, and believe me I see it everyday! Do you really think I should see a doc. And how do I make this apt. What kind of doc, I have no idea!! Am I going to have to spill my guts to her or what??? Or walk in and say I think I'm depressed.....ya right. <p>Thank you to you all for all your suggestions, I want and need them all. Please don't stop!!

Hey Smooches! Keep your head up. "How do I feel love for ..." Babe, if you only knew, by the time you finish the book you will understand that the past is not relevent. It is like this, if you and your worst enimy in the whole world, say Sadam Hussein were to follow Dr H's advice (both of you)you could have a beutiful marriage! It is as simple as #1 learn the fules #2 follow the rules in your everyday life. So before the whole "I'me not sure " thing read the books.
As for the anti depresants your family physician usualy is the one and all you have to say when you call the Drs office is that you need and appointment with the doc, they will ask something like what your complaint is ect and you say that you are going through a very rough time in your life and would like to discuss the posibilty of anti depresants if they ask too many Q's just tell them you would rather talk to dr but thay usualy just say ok your appt is whenever. I dont know how it is in your comunity but in mine I think about 20% of the people are on one kind or the other.Hang in there kid.
May God be with you both always.

Hey Disimmons,<p>Don't know what to say tonight, just feel like talking to someone. It wasn't a good one for me today. But off to bed. <p>I hate this you know!! Thing, other than personal are going well for us. H has a new job, that he likes a lot, my business is doing well. So money isn't to bad right now, makes things easier, we should be enjoying this. But tonight all I wanted to do was load my chat up and find him. I didn't, but that was all I could think about. <p>Gonna read a chapter yet tonight, so better go and do it. <p>Thanks for the listen, off to church in the morning!!! Yep!!

Just to tell you...I am there too...I miss my lover so much but I force myself everyday to ignore that and keep working on things with my husband. I hope someday it will get easier and he will love me again like he once did.<p>The books do come in tape form...just to let you know. It isnt that I dont comprehend what i read it is just that i dont have time to read a novel but i can listen to one while doing the dishes or in my car or where ever.
Good luck, it is very hard to get thru for both of you.

Hi,<p>It is so nice to hear from you. I feel so bad at time for feeling the way that I do. Then even worse when I know I'm suppose to be trying to work things out with my H. <p>My affair wasn't P. it was E... but I don't know. I just got finished reading the first chapter to His Need Her Needs and he says that and emotional affair is easier to recover from. Right now it feels impossible, I'm hoping he is right!! <p>I'm not a stupid person. I have tought my way thro this affair. I know why I did it, and also know that it wouldn't have worked out in the long run, I'm pretty sure about that. And I know I have a H. who is just waiting for my to open up, so why wont I?? I don't want him to touch me, I hardly want him to speak to me, all I want is to be by myself, and no one will let me do that!!!!!<p>What a suck huh? Poor me!! I realize there are people out there with bigger problems than I will ever have, but I guess this is mine!! I started it, I better finish it!!!!! <p>Chapter 2 tonight, here is to hoping!!! Thanks for reading!! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

I hope this encourages you -- every person I have heard from who has had an affair either physical or emotional doubts that they ever loved their spouse in comparision to their feelings for the other person. My ex-husband said to me that he doubted he ever loved me. I believe he did doubt it!!!! LoveBusters were reigning in our home. In the end it came down to the fact that I implemented the MBs principles, and he could say he loved me and that he did not know what he had been talking about back then. But he would not give up his cheating lifestyle.<p>You have done that! You have uninstalled the chat and you are trying to stay away -- your little slip notwithstanding. Try again! You can do it. And you will rediscover that love you had (and still have) for your husband as you work together to build your life and your marriage.<p>If you don't mind, I will pray for you and that you will soon become aware of the love you hold in your heart for your husband.

Hi NoraP,<p>I will tell you that I had a little cry the night I read your reply. Thank you so much for taking the time to do that and for you prayers. <p>I was really interested in the statement you made about everyone feeling like I do. That was so good for me to hear. Now I know that this is a phase that I will go through...right? Something that wont last!!<p>I have my good days and bad days. The day I wrote that last reply was a bad day, today has been good. I got a lot on my plate right now and that helps. I hope to find some time tomorrow to call around for some help. Still thinking about going to my doctor, or maybe a naturalist!?<p>Thank you for your reply, it did help!!!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Smooches
I realy recomend that you at least talk to Dr. if you continue to have significant depresion. I have suffered from it for years and St Johns Wort helped only a little. I am still learning too, but I have found that Love Busters is easier to read and while I am no expert I feel that you should keep reading HNHN and order LB to start reading when it arrives. It seems to me that it might be the better "first book".
May God be with you both.