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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2
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Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2 |
Hi Everyone.....I'm new at this so bare with me....I am 34 year old female in Maryland.
I have been married since 1994 and have a good husband, but there is no romance. I tell him all the time that I need MORE. Passion, excitement, spontaneity, adventure, etc....
He just is NOT the type and never has been, but I feel that I can't take it anymore.
Men flirt with me and I like it.
I told my hubby how I feel and he says, "you knew how I was when you married me and I will never change"....so now I feel bad.
Any advice?
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736 |
So teach him romance.
He sounds like me. Just because he doesn't measure up to what you believe is romantic doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
Why not find out HOW he DOES show his love for you, and accept him for who he is.
Then, perhaps you can first appreciate what he does for you, and finally begin to show him how to meet your needs.
I didn't read a thing in what you wrote about what his needs are and how you are doing towards meeting them.
How are you doing in that regard? Would he answer the same way?
Tony
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 154
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Posts: 154 |
Hi, think I agree with Tony.
Men don't view romance in the same way as women (we are from Mars after all!) But that's not to say that we don't like it, just that we don't institute a lot ourselves..
What would you like him to do for you? A weekend away? A night away with a romantic meal? Why not go and book it - bet he enjoys it too! You can teach him about the things that you both enjoy..
Graeme
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Joined: Jun 2004
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Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2004
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Hey!
My hubby's needs none.
He does not express his feelings.
He is not affectionate nor demanding.
He is just HIM. Minds his own business but doesn't listen to MY needs.
communication sux.
He sounds like me. Just because he doesn't measure up to what you believe is romantic doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
Why not find out HOW he DOES show his love for you, and accept him for who he is.
Then, perhaps you can first appreciate what he does for you, and finally begin to show him how to meet your needs.
I didn't read a thing in what you wrote about what his needs are and how you are doing towards meeting them.
How are you doing in that regard? Would he answer the same way?
Tony [/QB][/QUOTE]
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736 |
Bella, If I understand you, you are saying your husband needs no romance. Is that what you are saying. Does he have any other needs? It seems to me that conversation is not one of his emotional needs from what you are saying. This page http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html describes emotional needs. I really doubt your husband has NO emotional needs. Rather, his needs are probably different from yours. So after looking at that page, what would you say his needs are? Are you meeting those needs? Would he think you are meeting his top 3 emotional needs? From what I read you writing, you don't feel he is meeting your needs. He may not even realize that it's important. It's ok for him to have different needs from you, and I think you have a better position to seek that he devote real energy and effort in meeting your needs when you are doing the same to meet his needs. Tony
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 988
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Bella
What other emotional needs is your husband meeting? Do you value them? Is he willing to increase or improve on those? That effort alone is the basis of romance.
What great things did he do with/for/to you when you were dating? Ask him for an encore!
Listen, most men don't get it. By the time we do, she's gone. My wife did not express her needs until she was deep into an affair. What's he got over me? ROMANCE.
If you love him, don't give up. You'll find that another man will only match your husband's capacity to disapoint. Work with the one you have.
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150 |
I think the other posters are right. We don't have enough of the story to give you much advice. Maybe you need to go to the Emotional Needs board and explore the information on the very first thread posted over there. There are links to other information on this site. Links to reading lists. Lots of stuff that might help you renovate this marriage rather than destroy it.
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,296
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Try romancing HIM! Why should MEN always be the initiator of sex and romance!
We women can romance them if we want to!
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