Here it is Father's Day. My two younger kids spent the day with my friend and his kids out at the airshow. They had a great time. Yesterday, we went shopping for him for "Father's Day" and presented him with the gifts this afternoon....then he and his kids went out to dinner to celebrate Father's Day with his mother. (We are having left overs)...such is life. It is sad tho.

My younger two kids informed me this morning that if they call their father for Father's Day--they will each receive $10...how is that for a deal. Sad isn't it?

How in the world did our lives get this messed up???

In a few weeks, the kids and I are going to my exBIL's wedding. It has created quite a stir in his family--mostly with his parents and bimbo and jimbo. In fact, I guess my ex and his "wife" have decided not to attend the wedding because I am going with the kids. Mind you, I was invited...and the kids want to go with me....still pretty sad tho. The rest of his brothers and sister-in-laws are looking forward to seeing us.

Two days ago, I was invited to a change of command ceremony for some old friends of ours. I usually try to stay away from these because they are much to hard. However, this one I felt I should attend. Everyone there were old students of ours--it was like old home week. Some knew of our situation, others were totally shocked, and others mentioned to me they saw my ex on base the day before at Protocol. He was getting clearances to take his new wife on a tour of the B2. How quaint. Amazing that he was in town for two days before moving to Florida--and he didn't even bother to call his kids and say goodbye???? Sad. By the way, he still hasn't paid his child support, he is moving to Florida without a job, and he is going to live on our boat to save money. How the hell did he get to this point????? and why?? I know there will never be any answers for what he did in our marriage and to his own family....but my mind still wonders why? I have to admit--I was envious of the wives of my contempories on base--their husbands seem so devoted and really love their families and wives..

Where is my husband--living with a .......

Please someone tell me how someone could do this to their family? It is sick.

Happy Father's Day to those of you who really care about their kids, their welfare and their happines.. Pat

I think that this is typical for the person who falls into an affair. That is what an affair is all about isn't it, selfishness? An affair is the most selfish action a person can get into. The person focuses on what "he" wants and never takes into consideration how it will affect those around him.
If he has children, well, they will get over it, the cheater thinks. They think that what they do won't affect their children. When my husband was in the fog I asked him how he thought our daughters would ever be able to have a trusting relationship with a man if the most important man in their young lives abandoned them? He couldn't answer that. What else does this teach all of our children, sons and daughters, when the going gets tough, get out?
Hard to do, but rather than focus on the negative actions of your ex, focus on the good in your life. You have 4 beautiful children who love you and you love. They are growing up into young people you can be proud of. You are helping them, and when it is time to remember they will remember what you have done for them.
You said his family, minus parents, are supporting you, that says a lot doesn't it? YOu have friends who see how special you are. Just because your ex couldn't see it,well his loss.
One day he will get what he deserves. If he'll cheat on you, he'll do it again. Or, as he gets older, she may look for someone closer to her age. I always believe that what goes around comes around.
Well enough from me. Take care.
Texasgirl

Texasgirl,

Thank you for the post...I do know what I need to do...it is just still hard. Holidays and special events still make me miss our family so much.

I do have great kids...but this situation has really changed all of us. I guess I need to just accept it and make the best of what we do have.

I hope he does experience some of the hurt, pain and sadness that we have had to endure--I don't see it yet.

Pat

Movin on - love the new name.... if only it was like an overnight change in our personalities and nothing affected us anymore - now that would be wonderful huh??? You know I look at your signature line and I think - ok he is 51 and cheats and is an alcoholic - would he be someone you would want to be with now anyways... I mean what I am saying is essentially - we are better than them - we have done nothing to be ashamed of - and we are the ones that constantly still - feel the guilt about the loss of the family - about the kids situation etc.... When really why should it be our problems - it was all them - and why do we continually put ourselves through that... My ex for the first time decided to go to his girlfriends house next door - at 9pm at night - he pulled up right in between my daughter and like 8 of her friends - never acknowledged her - just went into the (I can't even think of anything to call her) neighbors house - my 14 year old came running in... I mean I know she was embarrassed - and I felt so bad for her - but you know what - her father should be the one that is thinking about her feelings and trying to make life as easy for her as possible - but nope he is continually thinking about himself only -- and will somehow put the blame of this on me - He is not a parent to my girls and really hasn't been since the day he decided to leave - of course he tries to let on to everyone that it is my fault.. so you know what fine - let him put all of the blame on me... whatever - the thing is that we as the BS -- have to somehow find a way - to not care one iota about what has happened - move and make a happy lives for ourselves and not even let them enter into our thoughts... And I hope that is what you do... You go to the wedding that you were invited to and you have a good time - and who cares if he doesn't want to come that is his choice.... Keep movin on.....