Hi everyone-

As many of you know, my XH married the OW this past weekend. It was only a month shy of being four years since their affair began. Anyway, that is not what is bothering me. My own situation is.

I met a wonderful man a couple of months after my divorce was final. That was a little over two years ago and we have been together ever since. The problem is that we live a little over four hours apart and therefore see eachother only on weekends.

I cannot move because of my kids. Yes, as much as I dislike him and most of what he does, I still believe that the kids have a right to a solid relationship with their father and he lives in the same town we do. Furthermore, I like where I live better and except for the financial aspect of it, my BF does too.

My BF cannot move as he owns a business and it is not feasible for him to relocate it to where I live as it is much to high end for the area where I live. It would be financial suicide. He does say that he eventually wants to move up here, but being in his thirties, he's not able to yet.

So I guess what I am throwing out here is ways to make our relationship last in spite of the distance. We have talked marriage and both say that if we didn't have the distance and the obstacles with it we would be married. I also have a couple of friends whose husbands travel during the week and are home on the weekends. I wonder if this is where I am headed. Does anybody have experience with this type of relationship? I know it is not traditional, but does it work? Both my friends seem okay with it as they have grown used to it, but they both started out together and then their husbands took jobs that required the separation. I would be starting out apart and staying apart.

Maybe I am stressing too much on this. We have a wonderful relationship and I love him with all of my heart. Everything is good. I guess I am just dreaming of happily ever after and wanting more and I know he feels the same way. So how do we do it?

Thanks for any advice.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi Still--
How I would love to have the great advice that you offer me, but I don't.

I was wondering though. Would his business be the type that he could be there 3 days a week? Or week on week off type of thing?
Another idea may be that he does want to move in your direction someday, so this lifestyle may be for two years or so, and then you would be together.
I think it sounds worth trying to figure out someway.
From what I have read here, and other times, this man is really something. I would hate for you to lose a great man.

I think the saying is true, "if there is a will, there is a way".

I hope and pray for you both, that you find the way.

Sincerely,
K

Thanks Karona-

We are looking at all angles and I thought I would throw it out here as I have gotten some of my best advice here. It is funny, but as I go through stuff I will mention things I have learned here and friends will say, "That's great advice where did you get it?" When I tell them it's from here they can't believe it, but it is so true.

Because he owns the business we are looking at the idea of him doing more management and doing four days here three days there stuff. Right now he is really expanding, and it requires a lot of time and effort. In fact the weekend thing we have going is nice as his week time is consumed with work and mine is consumed with the kids, but I guess I would like the idea of our being a family, maybe even having kids of our own and I think we need more than weekends for that.

Thanks for your ongoing support. It is greatly appreciated!

Take care and God bless!
K

K -

I meant to respond to you sooner - but logged off MB and lost my login info., the got busy with kids, and just now found it. Such is life.

Hope you're doing ok with Ex's marriage.

It's funny - I thought that according to MB, the affairs were supposed to lose their luster after two years, and yet our ex's have married their flings and have survived the two year mark.

I have come to the conclusion that for my ex, he and new wife (former OW) are both emotionally immature and that is why they can get along together without noticing each other's relationship flaws. They also do not have to deal with sharing the kids, the finances and basically each other as they live two separate lives. I suppose they ca nget their emotional needs met by not spending alot of time together, but I personally wanted more. Perhaps, one day one or the other will mature and want more, but we'll have to stay tuned for that one. I also do not relish the thought of them divorcing because that would be just another loss for our children to have to deal with as they now have step-siblings to go with the step-mom. I pray that ExH and OW are able to grow and provide a good home or at least not too bad of a home for the time when the kids are there.

About your new relationship. That's a tough one, but keep trying to work out the particulars and do some praying. Just a couple of thoughts - if you want to have children with new H and he is gone all week, think about the effects good and bad that it will have on your child as far as time he/she will be able to spend with dad, and also think about the help or lack of that dad would be able to provide for you and child during the week. You will want that extra help and support and you may become resentful. My ex's dad worked weeks and he and his mom ended up divorcing because you need that time together - what does Harley say - 15 hours a week without kids. And in all the divorce books they say that workaholics often are the cause of divorce - it's hard to cut back on those hours when you are used to working them, no matter what they say - it wil be a definite(although do - able) transition to be sure.

Life is just different when you are married - you expect more from each other. Plus new H may feel bad about missing out on experiences to share with new son/daughter.

Not trying to be negative, because any situation can work out - it just depends upon the couple and their committment, just trying to bring up a few talking points.

Also, just make sure you are able to meet each other's needs - do the quesitonaires and see where you are. Maybe discuss some different scenerios.

After 4 years, you probably know each other pretty well though.

Oh, and I've also heard that there is also a transition for people when they develop a relationship apart and then begin to live together and see each other all the time. Sometimes each party gets used to the space and doesn't adjust very well(read this Ladies Home Journal under "Can this marriage be saved?")

To end, I'll quote my grandma - Where there's a will there's a way.

So, wishing you much luck and happiness. K

Hi K-

It's great to hear from you. I am doing seemingly fine with the wedding. I guess in my mind it really doesn't change anything. They have been living together for over a year now and she is involved in all my dealings with him. She is also involved in all of his time with the kids so nothing has really changed. I should probably be thankful because he is still pretty much clueless.

What they have in common I can't figure out. He is immature in all ways, but at eleven years his junior she probably is a good match, well, at least for a while. She is a real homebody, he isn't, well right now he is since his DUI troubles. She is extremely possessive and keeps him on a tight lease. He has always been insecure so this must really be interesting under one roof. I don't know, they both seem trapped in a relationship of their own making in which neither seems free or happy, but that really isn't my concern. Who knows, I may be dead wrong, but I really doubt it as I am not the only one making the observation.

I can relate to what you say about the two year time limit. I can remember when we were new comers coaching each other through divorces and births. I can remember both of us taking in all we could and wondering how long the affairs would last. Well, I guess we'll never know. Granted it no longer matters as we each have grown in so many ways and have moved on to better lives, but it still makes me wonder about the statistics.


I find my negative feelings more in the line of feeling sorry for myself and how unfair it seems that no matter what things always go his way. I know I need to focus on God's time schedule and not mine, but it can get so frustrating! He is the one who wanted out of the trappings of marriage and family only to settle down again and start it all over again. This when my own love life although good is at a distance and looks to stay that way for some time. UGH! To top it off recently a couple of couples who have been together for far shorter times than my BF and I have gotten engages. It gets depressing and I can't truly figure out why.

I think of my own life. I have been with my BF for almost two and a half. I can honestly say that love this time around is so much different and it is real. With my XH there were always so many issues and so much drama. I confused it with love and got so caught up in his problems that I found it incredibly hard to let go and break free, even when he made it clear he was done. When I finally did I found real peace and happiness for the first time in many years. I started to enjoy my life and then I met my BF. It was like we were meant to be. We hit it off great and have always been on the same wave length on almost everything. I am not saying that we've never had our differences, but the way we handle them is so much different. We talk a lot about what we need and want and work through things together.

We have often wondered out loud what if? What if we had met earlier in life? What if neither of us had ever been married before? (His XW had an affair too) What if we lived closer? Etc., etc. Trust me, I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason so I realize that this is the way things were supposed to play out, but I still can't help but wonder from time to time, what if?

I really should be happy. I love my life. The kids are great, I have a great job, I have a great family and friends, everything is so much better than when I was married. Still, I find myself missing that family, wanting one with him, etc. It is really the only thing that brings me down with the exception of my XH's custody suit.

Granted I know there are many things to take note of and figure out if we were to ever be together full time. There would definately be adjustments. We both lead very full lives and the idea of them meshing is sometimes overwhelming. Having both been single for a while, he has been divorced for six years, we are both getting very set in our ways, still when we are together it just works. He has no children of his own so any problems associated with that are gone. He is absolutely wonderful with my kids and they love him. Yet we have never been together full time so we have no way of knowing how things could play out. It can really get to me.


You have raised some valid points, points that I ponder often. I often smack myself for knowingly getting involved with someone so far away. You know I did it as something fun to do, with the distance there would be no strings, no hassles, and yet it blossomed into so much more and now I find us wanting more and not being able to get it.

I am very persistant when it comes to achieving what I want. I just feel frustrated because I don't know how to achieve this.

I guess I need to take a deep breathe and accept things for what they are. I have a lot to be thankful for and should consider myself lucky.

So what about you? How long have you been married? How did you meet? I know you've had a daughter. How is she? How are the other kids? You seem so happy. I am very happy for you. You certainly have come a long way and you certainly deserve it.

I really appreciate hearing from you. Don't be a stranger!

Take care and God bless!
K

K -

Just one more thought. If this is what you truly want, then I'd just start praying and asking God for it, and praying with finance to be wouldn't hurt either. After what has happened in my life over the past few years, I'm a firm believer in the power of prayer, and in the fact that God wants for our good and our happiness. If it's His will that you are united with new man, then it will happen. All God wants us to do is to ask.
So, just don't write off the happily ever after just yet.

K

Thanks for the support K. It really means a lot. I had worked myself up into a frenzy over this. I am assuming it is the after effect of my XH marrying and getting what I want. Not that I want what he has in reality, but the whole marriage and family, etc. Anyway, I blew over the weekend. Luckily my BF was understanding and just let me go. When all was done and settled I came out with a clearer head and a new resolve to work through this and see what God has in store for me. I figure the separation my BF and I are enduring at its worst doesn't come close to the bad stuff I endured in my marriage and I made it through that didn't I?

You are so right about the power of prayer. Newly had recommended that I read the Prayer of Jabez to settle my nerves a while back. I read it and it goes along with what you are saying. Ask God for many blessings and they will come. I know if it is his will this will work. I guess I just need to pray for a little extra patience in the time being.

It is so nice hearing from you again. You were with me at the worst time of my life a few years back and your words today mean a lot. You seem so at peace. I hope to attain that some day soon.

So am I going to get an update on this wonderful life of yours or what?

Keep in touch and thanks always for the support!

Take care and God bless!
K

You know Still, I have to think I would feel the same way as you.
If my X were to marry tomorrow, I don't it would really feel any different in my mind as he is living with his Ho. But, like you, I think I would feel like how unfair is this. He did all of this, and now he is remarried, life is great, and here I sit alone!

But then, for you and for me, when I think about it further I think, wow, one of these days we are going to come out ahead in this.
They married these women, and what kind of relationship do they really have?? It is not based on what you and I would want ours based on.

So, when it happens (and I hope yours works out for you soon)for us, it will be so worth the wait.
It will be real and true, and maybe make us happier than we were when we were married to our X's.

Keep praying and your situation will find a way.

K.

Thanks for the kind words Karona. I keep reminding myself that even though he seems to have what I want looks can be deceiving and the reality of life with him or her for that matter is definately not what I want.

I got to see them last night as the kids went there for a few hours. They have their last name posted everywhere, welcome signs, license plates, etc. It is like they are announcing to the world we are married now, we are official, we are more than just an affair, etc. Just like with parenting they force everything and try too hard to prove themselves.

I do believe that you and I will get what we want eventually and I have to trust in God that the best is yet to come.

Take care and God bless!
K

You are so right Still.

I don't know what it is, but it seems to be that way with my X too.
He and his woman go out of their way to validate on another, or take up for each other. Like they have to prove that they are worthy.

My oldest daughter had been in a softball league. Of course, OW had to come to be a spectactor.
My X was helping coach the team.

A parent of a girl on the team says, is that your X's girlfriend? I say yes!
She says, boy, I wouldn't want to be around them when they argue.
I said what???
She said, she sat up in the stands, and yelled at the parents on the team for making comments...
I guess she didn't like when parents would say the call was bad, whatever. She told them, they are all volunteers, and its parents like them that give other parents bad names, whatever.
I wish someone would have pounded her!

OW goes on to tell my daughter after another game, that she hates all the fans of her team!
My daughter who is so sweet says, what do you mean? Who? She says, the parents.

Anyway, it just seems like they go out of there way to rise each other up, and make it so they are so wonderful. What a life that must be. I wonder if they will tire of that??

I did buy the book you mentioned to me by the way.
I have skimmed through it.
I think I came across what you were talking about.

I will keep my nose to it, maybe I can learn.

By the way, I miss the guy I was dating terribly, but, I have not given in to calling him.
It is so lonely without someone in my life.

Take care, and keep praying!
K

Hi Karona-

It is funny because my XH and his new wife are very outspoken as well. Voicing their opinions, etc. to whomever they feel with little tact. I find it funny as my XH hasn't exactly been an involved parent in the past and the OW has no children of their own yet they spout off what they feel is the gospel of childrearing all the time. They look like such idiots!

Keep in mind that the Mars and Venus book is like all of them, but if you can get past the weird language there are some valid points. It has been over two years since I read it, but I felt parts of it were really interesting and helpful.

I am sorry you are feeling so lonely. It is hard to go from being with someone to being alone. However, until you figure out if you are missing him or just the security of him do both of you a favor and stay away. Don't let loneliness send you back to him. If you go back to him let it be because your heart is in it.

It looks like I will be seeing The Notebook as well. I have scheduled a girls' night out with some friends early next week. You'll have to let me know if you see it.

Well, I better go. I have a two year old to get to sleep.

Talk to you later.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi Still

Isn't that funny about the similarities. I wonder if it goes with the territory??
Strange behavior!

I appreciate your advice, I really do! I will be reading the book.

Thanks for the insight on the R too! You are very right. I have been so close to calling him a couple of times. I did sit back and think though, does this mean you want him to be around again? Would the same things that bothered you before bother you now? The answers were No and Yes.
So, I did not make the call.
I think it is lonliness. It was comforting to have him around. But, I wanted it on my terms, when I was ready.
He is in my heart big time, but I still need to figure things out.
Thank you for your input, it's always welcome and helpful.

I intend on seeing the Notebook tonight. It will be great. I'm meeting my mom, sister, &
grandmother a couple hours away. My mom lives 7 hours from me, and my sister 4. My mom has had my nephew so they are meeting half way for the return.
My mom and sister are also Sparks fans, so we should enjoy this I'm thinking.

I hope you get to go with your friends.
You know, through my D, I found how wonderful having girlfriends are.
I never did much with them while I was married. I felt it was wrong.
I found out I was wrong!
I think they make us stronger, and can shed light on situations.

Take care, thanks for writing back.
K.

You know Karona it is like they have to prove to the world how legitimate they are. My XH and his wife also fill in forms for the kids with their address and phone number even though they know the kids primary address is mine. They have had the OW sign parent signature only things as well. Just to prove that they are involved. We have gone round and round over it. My XH says it is because I am insecure- whatever! I have had school forms that snuck by me brought to me asking why the address has changed, saying her signature is meaningless, etc.

Now whenever something comes home to me (Since the kids are here overnight everynight during the school week and I always double check their stuff) that they have done this to I change it. If it is a meaningless paperI leave it, but since they don't get the reason behind it, not my "jealousy", I am done fighting.

Have fun tonight. You deserve a night out. Let me know what you think of it.

I'm glad you held off on calling. Loneliness stinks, but it is far better than messing with someone's heart. Give yourself a little time to be you and to figure out what you really want. This is new to you so it will take some getting used to.

So do you have any big plans for July 4th?

Have a great day!

Take care and God bless!
K

Thanks Still!

Yes, you are right. I can't play with this guys heart, and this is what I would be doing.
It is lonely, but needed.

I will let you know about the movie. I have it held up there pretty high, hope I don't get let down.
I have not seen a good movie in a long time.

My D and I have been walking in the morning.
This morning, don't we meet up with a woman who joins us.
Remember way back when I mentioned the OW's babysitter standing close to me at a game?
Well, this was her!
She walked with us. She mentioned OW's daughters name to my daughter about a couple of things.
Then she says to me, you know I watch her right?
I said yes.
Then few minutes later, she asks me, so, do you also work out there? (same place as X and OW)
I said NO! (this place is known for affairs).
She must have caught my tone, as she said, my H works there, but I don't like it.
I didn't say a word!
I feel like I'm being baited.
This fish isn't biting!!

As far as the 4th, I'm dreading it.
I have no plans. The girls will be with their dad.
But, I need to look at this as a growing experience.
How about you? Will you get to see your man? I hope so. Enjoy whatever your plans are, and I hope you have good weather.

Take care until I talk to you again.
K

Hi Ladies,

I popped over here to do some reading and you both are like older sisters or something.It's like looking a few years into my future when I read your posts.lol

Anyway,I wanted to mention that although your xH's have married their homewrecker's(oops there's a DJ) it doesn't make them any more honorable.You can take the girl out of the gutter but you can't take the gutter out of the girl. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
It will be interesting to see how "well" things are going a couple years from now when they reap what they have sown and it will happen,in time.

Stillreeling,

I don't have any suggestions for you as I would be in the same position if and when I get a D and look for another relationship.My WH and I bought our dream home about 1.5 years ago and I am not moving ever again.So,that means that I would need to find someone that lives nearby which really limits the pool.

Also,my WH career has been one that has taken him away a lot from his family and our marriage which is part of the reason he met the homewrecker.Too much time away at work and not enough time at home.I want a husband that is hands on and helps around the home and with the children.I have been doing it ALL by myself for so long.Not that I minded before,thinking I was working toward a goal WITH my WH for us to have more time together and with the kids,more money etc.But,no.He chose to put an end to that dream.So in other words,I don't think long distance relationships really work all that well but that's just in my experience.It's hard to stay "connected" being away for so much time.It would take a lot of work by both parties.I know that I was very tired of being a weekend only family.It was a bit lonely.

Karona,

I really value my women friends and my mom,MIL and SIL so much.They really have been the ones that have supported me the greatest throughout this whole mess.Even if WH and I end our marriage,I will still be blessed by their love and friendships.That is something my WH can't smash or take away from me.

Take care all.

O

Still -

Just a comment on the aftermath of Ex's new marriage that was similar to my Ex. They ran off to Las Vegas with his mom and his uncle who has been married 5 times as his witnesses. Anyway, after they got back, they had pictures of the wedding, the marriage certificate etc. all over their den, like they were trying to validate and legitimize what they did. Who were they fooling.

It's like the people who are all show and no substance. [As an aside, they also put up a picture of OW and Ex from their honeymoon in their kitchen, where OW was scantily clad in a bikini - not appropriate picture for kitchen - maybe bedroom perhaps, but I commented on it not being appropriate fare for young boys to view and a day later it was removed......... - just one of scantily clad epidsodes with OW unfortunately]

Anyhow, back to you, you may want to read the Mars Venus book again - I bought the taoe too and listen to it occasionally, and it helps me understand me even more than it helps me understand new H - guys are easy to read - it's the women who are complicated. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Sounds like you just had to bottom out last weekend because of all the stress of the wedding of Ex etc. and it shows real growth for you to realize this and just deal with the emotions and then bounce back.

The peace that you hear comes from finally putting into practice what I have learned from all the years of counseling, all the books I've read and of course from prayer and trust in God.

I thought that after I divorced, I would wait for the "perfect" man. One who automactically met all of my needs to the T. However, what I found, was that there was no real growth in that situation for me and that there was no "perfect" man -or perfect person for that matter. What WAS important though, was finding a person who was striving to be the perfect person, and then when they fell short, like we always do, would apologize, learn from their mistakes and then keep on trying to do better.

Occasionaly, I still think that one day soon we'll both be perfect, but then we wouldn't need the rest of our lives for the journey because we would have already reached the goal, which, once again, can never be reached until the end.

So, I try to find the joy in every moment of the day. I try to do my best to be a good mom, daughter, wife, friend etc. I don't always have the best days, but the underlying theme is that I keep on trying, and that as long as I have that willing spirit, I trust that God will make up the rest.

I do really really hate it sometimes that I don't know that whys for things that happen in my life - such as why I just got a call from my advocate for my annulment of my marriage to ExH - which I filed in Jan. of '03 - telling me that I can't have a hearing until Jan of '05 which means no final decision until April of '05 at the earliest. Of course the delay is due mainly in part to ExH who tried - and succeeded in having the proceedings stopped, but I had a part in the delay too, now that I look back and it's called consequences.

I do sometimes still feel as if I am in "time out" for the mistakes that I've made - namely marrying new H too soon and having new baby girl 7 months later, but on the other hand, the absolute joy that I have now, being the mom of a infant and having a working partner in life and not being married to ExH who I learn daily how much of a sleaze he still is - flirting with everyone in a skirt - just like he did in my marriage - and still trying to hold on to his current wife with a trip every once in a while (they're going to Hawaii at the end of July). But no matter how many trips he takes her on or how many diamonds he buys - that's all there is to their marriage - things. She's married to a creep and I wouldn't want to be married to a creep for all the money in the world.

They have no life - she is 3 years older than he nad sees a dematologist regularly and obsesses about her looks - probably out of fear that she'll lose what she has if she doesn't look right - it's all material.

I do know how hard it is to be by yourself- but the grass does always look greener. I remember having a few wonderful nights with no husband to worry about - and believe me, you can't put a price on that feeling. And to be able to have some time alone without the kids - another priceless treasure. I had forgotten that there was a me to take care of and finally being able to make sure that I was taken care of was a gift.

So now I have 7 kids with me everyother week and then on the opposite weeks, just one precious 3 month old. New H had two daughters from his previous marriage. The ages now are 10,8,6,5,3,2 and 3 mos. Somehow it's now normal, in a weird sort of way. We have chore charts, refined strategies and we regularly read parenting books to keep us doing the right things. The custody proceedings finally ended for both of us in April of this year (what a stress relief) and we continue to move forward moving through stressors as we go. Life should be "normal" in about 25 years or so.........

But the kids are finally starting to heal - that's supposed to take 2-3 years after a divorce come to find out - and I am about healed too - took long enough. That doesn't mean that there aren't those days, but I've learned how to deal with them.

Well that's about all the time I have for now, sorry for the rambling, but things do seem clearer two years later (can't believe I've been divorced that long).

Prayers and all the best wishes are being sent your way.

Hang in there.

K

<small>[ July 01, 2004, 11:03 AM: Message edited by: God is in Control ]</small>

Karona-

I am glad you are keeping your emotions in check and giving yourself the time to work through this. Get to know you. Do as others have said and take up hobbies that you have always wanted to try, but couldn't, do things you always wanted to, but your XH wouldn't. Get to know the real you and then you will be ready if Mr. Right comes along.

I am in the process of doing some inside painting and minor redecorating. As I pick out my colors and furniture I am really getting excited to be picking out something that I want without having to get anybody else's approval. It is so liberating!

I saw something you had written on another post about how easy it seems to be for some friends and family to forgive and forget about the affair. I hear you hon. It never ceases to amaze me how some people not only do this, but they take it even further and almost act like it is a good thing. It can really hurt and I don't understand it at all, but I am glad I don't as I don't want to be that kind of person.

How was the movie? Did you read the book first? I know I am always disappointed when I see a movie based on a book that I have read because the movies never come close.

Interesting walk you had. I wonder what that was all about. On one hand she could be baiting you to get information for the OW. On the other, she could be seeking info. about your XH's workplace for herself. Who knows, it is interesting though.

Take the time to enjoy yourself this weekend. I used to dread weekends alone, especially around holidays, but now I would love to have one! Do things you really enjoy, relax, and have fun. We had a lot of options for the weekend, and still have a lot of invites, but it looks like my BF and I will be spending a quiet weekend alone. We plan to hop around from one 4th activity to the next and I am really excited as we always have fun when we do this sort of thing.

Octobergirl-

I agree with you totally about the sham of an affair marrying to make it legitimate. In my case the OW turns out to be quite wholesome in most ways. She is a real homebody especially in comparison to my XH. She simply is young, inexperienced, and naive. She was 20 when she met him with only one prior boyfriend. I remember confronting her when I first found out. She was so clueless to the ups and downs of marriage and really brushed off the importance of the vows and the effects on my children, etc. I wonder how she feels now finding herself married to this man. I doubt she will ever have true peace. I do believe that you reap what you sow, however, I also know it is on God's terms and therefore may not happen nearly as soon as I'd sometimes like.

I can also relate to your feelings on the weekend family. My XH worked shift work so I did most parenting and family things solo. Over time it did build up resentment as it was no fun attending everything alone. I feel frustration in my current relationship because I am tired of doing the weekend thing, yet I have very strong feelings. There are no easy answers I guess.

Good luck with everything. I will keep you in my prayers.

God is in Control-

Interesting similarities once again between our X's. In my case I don't have to worry about any scantily clad photos of the new bride. There was no honeymoon and she in addition to being quite homely and large is also quite modest. She does however have a thing about thrusting herself everywhere, especially in my face, as the new wife and mother. She can have the husband, but she is fooling herself if she ever thinks she'll gain the mother status!

I am both shocked and sorry to hear that your annulment is still being held up. I can remember when you started the process and had no idea it could take so long. I wish you luck in getting it wrapped up.

I still remember when my XH and the OW got engaged. She too is Catholic and was planning on the big church wedding until they met with the priest and found out they had to get my XH's first marriage annulled. I guess they thought it took too much effort and also didn't want me sharing the real reasons for our divorce with the church. Needless to say they had a 10 minute civil ceremony in their backyard - a little justice for me.

I have been thinking about reading some of the relationship books I read when first separated again. I feel myself at a point of frustration in many ways, because my BF and I have been together for almost two and a half years, the exiting newness is gone replaced by a strong feeling of love and security, but with it some feelings of too much routine, less appreciation, etc. I am always looking for ways to keep things fun.

Another part of my frustration is the fact that I believe if we lived closer we would be planning a life together, but since we have the distance everything is on hold - UGGGH!

Then again it is like you said. When I focus on all that is right, and there is so much, I feel so much better. I do try to be the best Mom, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, that I can be and I am definately not a quitter. I have come so far and have survived enough to know that nothing will keep me down for long.

You are right about the grass always looking greener. I must focus more on the positives of my situation rather than always longing for more. You know it is funny because when I was married I was the homebody and I didn't get out much or do to many things. Now I am always doing stuff with and without my kids. It drives my XH nuts. He has commented on how it must be nice to be me and have so much time and money on my side (I have little of either) as I am always doing things. Talk about the grass being greener, he had an affair and ran from the trappings of marriage and responsibility only to find himself remarried and more trapped than ever only two and a half years later. Now I have the life he has always been trying to get - that I find ironic!

You are right, I do look forward to my alone time, even though it is rarely alone anymore. At first I hated it. I was consumed with thoughts of what the kids were up to and if they were okay, but God has taken care of them and must admit I have grown to love it. It is very rejuvinating.

Hearing about your family, I can't imagine how you do it. Seven kids, and all 10 and under, amazing! It must be pretty quiet every other week when you drop down to just the baby. I know here with four kids ages 11, 9, 6, and 3 things are always hopping, I can't imagine seven. All I can say is WOW!

I sense a bit of secondd thoughts or hesitation about the way your marriage and baby came about. I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason. God has a plan for us and only he knows how things will play out. I also don't believe him to be a punishing God, so don't be so hard on yourself. Forgive yourself for mistakes you have made and enjoy the blessings you have been given.

To all you ladies-

We are definately works in progress with some days being so much better than others. We have been through hell and back and came out not only surviving, but thriving. Like you've all said, life may not be perfect, but it is so much better than it used to be. Thanks for all the encouragement and friendship. It really means a lot and I hope to keep it going.

I better get some sleep now!

Take care and God bless!
K

Glad you found some comfort there October!
I know I have found so much here, and it is so amazing how many women on here can share their story, and it's so close to your own.

Still--
I saw the movie, and yes I did read the book first. I almost think you need to, as you could be a little lost (just a little) in the movie.
But, nonetheless, I loved it. Like I said, my mom, sister, and grandmother went. Mind you, my grandmother will be 88 next month.
You know how older people can be, outspoken to say the least. There is one part in the movie where the girl says, "I'm a stupid woman", and then it is silent. Well, my grandmother takes that opportunity to chime in with "YOU ARE A STUPID WOMAN" Loudly! Guess you know there were some chuckles. Then, my mom, who is 65, has her cell phone on, and it RINGS, and she ANSWERS it. Says hello, I can't hear you, hang on.
My sister and I about fell out of our seats with both of these events laughing. You know, the shoulder shaking kind.
We did love the movie though. Hope you get to go soon.

Enjoy your weekend with your BF. Hope its great!

Thanks for keeping in contact with me. You are so helpful to me.

I will talk to you soon.
K.

Hi Karona-

I'm glad you liked the movie. It sounds like you had a lot of fun as well. I am glad. You needed it. I get to see it Tuesday. I can't wait!

Have fun this weekend. Yesterday a few friends and I went and had our toe nails painted for the holiday. Now I am heading out for a small resort town for the weekend. I'll have the funkiest toes there!

My kids are upset with me. This is the first fourth of July I won't be with them as it falls on their dad's weekend. Otherwise we switch and one of us has them for the day and the other for the night. I have heard nothing but complaining as we always get together with a bunch of friends and have a blast. Their dad and the wife on the other hand keep it only their "family" so the kids are bummed and of course are taking it out on me. If only they knew how little I have to do with it.

Well, I am rambling. I'll talk to you later.

Take care and God bless!
K

You go girl with the wild toes!
Good for you!!
Hope you have a blast.

Still, my daughter does that to me too. I have my girls pretty much all of the time and if I do anything that sounds remotely fun, my oldest makes me feel guilty.
A Holiday is a bit different though. I know for my X, he doesn't make such things very exciting.

My girls are going to go stay with their dad, even though it is my weekend.
My XIL's are coming and bringing a cousin that is my D's age.
Also, there is a great fireworks display near where they live so they can watch that.
But, if I did have any plans, she would feel left out.

Have a great weekend.
I wil think of you, and hope that you have a great time relaxing.

Your Friend,
K