This may be long - sorry. I have always talked too much. But I do want to share my latest with you all. It may bring hope to some.
Quick update - ex was living with OW until about 2 months ago. he moved in with his Mother but declared that he and OW were still "together" but he wanted to live closer to our 2 boys. He spent mid-week at his moms, weekends at OW's.Eventually he quit going to OW's on weekends and admitted that they were "over". He found an apartment, and moved into it, alone, about 2 weeks ago. At this point he has been friendly to me, and showing signs of the man I once knew. We sit together at sons sporting events, laugh at each others jokes. He helps with the boys again - picking up from Baseball, that sort of thing.(prior to this he would go 2-3 months without even seeing them and would not help with rides at all) Now that he has his own place, boys will spend an evening with him. The boys HATED OW and quit visiting dad while she was around. (EX's response to that was "if boys choose not to love me becuase of this, that is their own problem not mine." Sick man)
Anyway, last Tuesday night he called, and we talked a little. I decided to get some stuff off my chest. You know all that crap you hold in, hoping to finally share with them some day?
I didn't say everything I wanted to - but a good portion anyway.
1st I said - will you at least give me credit at this point. You compared me to OW and told me that you "never knew what a bad wife I was until you met OW and realized how much better it could be" you told me that OW "made you feel like the most important person in the world" to her, and I never did that. Well, admit it, that crap didn't last long did it? Life gets in the way!
He admitted that it did not take long before he became the last priorty on her list.
Then I told him a few things he did not know about her - the Worlds Perfect Woman. Mutual friends, who knew her long before my Ex even met her, said that she was "psycho" that she had a long history of internet affairs, etc. AND I told him that her own husband had several times called me to apologize, and tell me that he could tell that she was completely misleading my WH. That she would giggle, laugh, and carry on in his presence - but that was NOT her personality. She told my EX in the beginning that she loves to camp, fish and hunt, but her own H just wouldn't take her. Her own H laughed out loud when he heard that. She was not the outdoors type at all - fake nails, never a hair out of place, etc.
So I mentioned this to my Ex as well - I said how long did it take you to figure out that she did not really want to do any of these things?? He said it did not last long. (sad thing is I have always done those sort of things with him and enjoyed it. Not sure why he felt like OW was more like him than I was, but its over now)
And all of THAT was not even the part I wanted to share with you all - that is just to set the stage.
Next day he calls me again. Says that he was still holding out some hope that he would get back togheter with OW - but no longer. He called her earlier in the day to confront her, and ask her why in the world she lead him on - said all the right things, did all the right things to make him think she was his "soul mate" and then when he gave up everything for her, she dumped him. He told her "I gave up everything for you, my wife, my home, my children." Her response was "no one held a gun to your head". At that point he realized it was over. He said "have you just done this to make me look like a fool? I have just been an idiot this past year?" She had no response. Just silence.
Later that same day she called him and said:
"do not ever contact me again - no calls, no emails, nothing, or I will get a restratining order out against you". At that point he knew she was truly "psycho" as he had never done anything to justify a restraining order.
He admitted all this to me - and then said "in the beginning, so many people tried to tell me this would happen. But I did not beleive them. I kept thinking that my situation was different, that they did not really know her like I did. But it wasn't different. it happened exactly the way everyone said it would. Exactly. So many friends, family members, even people he had not heard from in years tried to reach out. Letters, phone calls, emails. But he told them all to leave him alone - don't preach to me - my situation is different.
He flat out says now that he was wrong - his situation was no different. He has just looked like a fool for the past year. By the way - this Friday will be exactly one year from D Day. The whole ugly scenario played out in 1 year.
How do I feel?? He has not said anything like "I want to come back" or even "lets go out to dinner". And I am glad for that - becuase I still can not stand the sight of him. I put on a nice face in front of him and the kids. I am polite, but how can you even be friends with someone who is capable of such destruction?
I even told him that - I said "Ex, I am in such a bad place, because I struggle with the knowledge that you hurt me,and our kids, and then threw salt in the wound for the past year, and now I have to try to be friends with you because of the kids. He just said "I know.".
two of my worst moments last summer:
on about day 3 he showed up suddenly at the house. I had been up all night. No food or sleep for 3 days. I was on the couch crying. He walked in and said "whats the matter" (Duh) after talking for awhile, he got up to leave and said "you just need to find someone else. You will be fine. You are strong. I know you will be fine." He left and we did not hear from him again for days.
Then - about 1 week after D Day -apparantly he had a fight with his mom - and blamed me for "turning her against him". My boys and I had gone swimming - finally enjoying ourselves. Came back home, smiling for once. Checked the messages on the maching and heard ex screaming "Now you have turned my own mother against me!I am going to be with OW for the rest of my life Dammit! Just get over it!" He was litterally screaming at the top of his lungs.
I know I should have let that go - but I did not. I said "Ex, that was the worst moment of my life. My boys saw me collapse on the floor, in a ball, sobbing. The boys ran to get a neighbor, terrifeid at my reaction. You killed me - and our boys - and later on pretended like it never happened.
All he said was "I knew you would eventally have to bring that up again."
Well, don't I get to? I mean, just once, don't I get to call him on his sh**?
We did not argue, or fight the other night, during our phone conversation. And nothing has really changed since then. He calls to ask when to pick up the boys, I am nice to him as always.
I don't know what the next few months will bring. I think the fog has started to lift - he knows that OW is not The Worlds Perfect Woman. But I don't know if he truly realizes what he has lost - and how much devastation he caused.
He told the boys this weekend he "is seeing someone new" that they have only had 2 dates but on the 2nd date she brought him a present so he thinks this will work out. And he says she has money - a big house - no kids - no baggage.
I thought that once OW was gone that I could be happy for him. But it still hurts. I don't want him back - don't get me wrong. But, I guess I would just like to hear him say "I realize now that you were the best thing I ever had - and I screwed up."
I just want to leave this with you all - I NEVER in a million years thought he would ever admit that he made a mistake with her. Never. I figured they would have to get married just to prove everyone wrong. He is so stubborn - and self centered. There is no way in heck I would have thought he would actually call me up to say "I was a fool this past year, everyone was right". But he did it.
And I honestly feel like I could approach the subject of reconcilliation and he would be open to it. I think he is afraid to ask becuase he has burned his bridges. And he is right - he has. I will not talk to him about reconciliaton because I no longer want it.
I hope you all get the same call. If not, I am SURE the WS feels that way, even if you don't get to hear it.
Love to all.

I replied to Karona post similiar to yours regarding wanting an apology from EX/WH. My ex did say that he regrets everyday what he's lost, but he never has ever "apologized" and it's the guilt that hangs over his head. It started out with cheating on me with someone from his work and he kind of stayed on a self destructive course from there but at the same time destroying our marriage in every aspect. For me it is'nt so much an apology but more of wanting a validation for my feelings. But I know I won't ever get it because he ignores everything away, doesn't deal with confrontation and doesn't take responsibility for anything and blames everyone and everything else for his actions. He is in a new relationship already with someone half his age (LOL)and they are already having problems. I feel sad for him because without getting some help or an understanding of things he will keep doing the same thing over and over in his relationships. I am a normal, healthy, stable person and he couldn't meet basic emotional needs and now he is with someone that has a lot of problems and will require a lot and it's sad because he doesn't have it to give. It makes me sad for his GF because she will end up getting hurt. Yes, crazy, I feel sorry for her. But it was his choice or as I say "mistake" to get involved with someone so soon. I look at it two ways, his new relationship is keeping space between us and it might shed a little light on reality for him. You never know. I just know that I am doing what I need to do to for myself and my kids to recover in a healthy way and learn from this relationship. I will be sure to post if I ever get the earth shattering apology or acknowledgement of my feelings.

Hey WOF--
I have not seen you here in awhile.

Wow, the fog lifts!! Bet you didn't imagine that it could actually happen. I know we want to see the signs, but for it actually to come to life, hmm.
I don't think my X will ever, but, who knows.

I'm glad you got to hear it though.

So, it doesn't feel any better/different with a totally new person? I thought it would all be easier to handle if X was with a whole new person, other than the one he destroyed our family for.

I can't imagine you or I wanting them back, I think its the whole idea of the life we once had. When life was good.

It was good to hear from you.
Hope you are doing well.
K.