Today is my 13th Anniversary.

It pretty much sucks!

WIWH

So do something nice for yourself, or take the kids out somewhere to celebrate the best part of the marriage - your wonderful children.

I agree with newly. Don't let the day be a downer, do something good for yourself!

Take care and God bless!
K

It's my 13th anniversary today, too!!! Guess this wasn't a good day to get married.....mine sucks too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

hurtinginil,

Happy Anniversary (((((hurtinginil)))))

My anniversary hasn't meant too much for a long time. 9 years ago today W went into labor with our second.

Ever since then our anniversary has been more preparring for DD's birthday than anything.

Never thought I would really miss it until last night.

WIWH, I'm sorry that you are missing your anniversary so much this year. It's always hard to think about the day that you promised your "love and fidelity" to the person that you always thought you'd grow old with. I'm not sure of your whole situation, but as for mine, those promises certainly didn't hold true.

4 years ago today, my H moved out (the first of many) to live with OW1.

Today, he called OW2 2 minutes after I dropped him off at the airport. Guess the day doesn't mean much to him, does it??

Don't ask me why I am still in this marriage, because I honestly don't know.

My 13th anniversary sucked too. But I celebrated it anyway --- my kids and I celebrated.

Funny thing is, my Aunt and Uncle would have been celebrating their 32nd, but my Uncle passed away that same summer after my XH left. My Aunt is quite elderly and needed something to lift her spirits. So, we all got together and celebrated the best part of our marriages - my kids and her memories. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You know, it isn't always what comes your way in life, sometimes, it's what you do with it!

Enjoy the day!

Jan

Dear WishIWH:

I have been reading your posts for months because we both have so much in common. I know it is lonely seeing your wedding anniversary pass without any type of recognition, as my 13th wedding anniversary was in May. On that day, my wife made application for a court order against me, so it will forevermore be a sticking point for me.

I get around the issue of dates and anniversaries by thinking about the new dates and anniversaries I know I will experience sometime down the road. So will you, at the right time and if you want it.

Hang in there. Don't hesitate to write me privatley sometime if you wish. My other e-mail is shakennotstirred522@hotmail.com

God bless,

Mark

Seekingjoy,

I didn't get to spend the day with my kids. Wish I could have but They would have been in bed by the time I got home from work that night.

A few friends did meet with me after work for a few drinks though. We had a good time. So even if I didn't get to enjoy the day, I did get to enjoy the night.

Shaken,

I'm always in your posts too. Don't always reply but I'm always there. In fact your post about your 13th scared me as to what I should expect.

The day didn't go without recognition though. I spoke to W and made sure I wished her a happy. Caught her a little off gaurd and she didn't know how to respond at first but TOOOOOOOOO bad. The day still means something to me wether she likes it or not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You're a better man than I am. I did not acknowledge our anniversary at all. My wife didn't last year, or this year, of course.

I used to give her cards and flowers all the time. This is one area I have really turned around. Frankly, I now look at May 18th and Valentine's day (the day I really found inconclusive evidence about her affair) as horrible days I want to forget.

If I ever get involved with someone else, you can be sure we will "celebrate" Valentine's on February 15th.

Shaken

WIWH and Shaken,

At first I clicked off this thread, because you know how you do that...go in, read it, and then go to the next one. But I decided to come back and say something.

January 1st--the day my exH was with his OW and blew off even his own kids.

February 3rd--the day he left the kids and I to move out of state with his OW.

March 11th--our anniversary.

April 20th--my birthday, and on that day here in Colorado, Eric Harris and Dylan Clebold killed 13 of their schoolmates at Columbine High School.

May 23rd--our divorce was final.

November 23rd--the day I discovered he was in yet ANOTHER affair with sexually explicit emails. This was a day or two from Thanksgiving Day.

December 9th--the day that, in a rage, the police had to come get him, and he left the kids and I again and never came back. We didn't even hear from him or get any financial help for six months.

Christmas/Hannukah--the day that during the first A, he left after several months of false recovery so he could spend the holidays with his OW.

My point here is that if you let those "anniversaries" pile up, there will eventually be one every month!! The fact is that life is painful and things happen all the time that hurt us: family and friends die, marriages end, we lose jobs, businesses fold, children move out. All of these things are painful to remember, but idea is to get busy living or get busy dying. If I remembered every one of my "anniversaries" up above, I would have an entire year of sorrow and grief, wouldn't I?

Well, I have a choice. I do not HAVE to cling to that pain and remember and relive it. I can let it go if I decide to do it...and I DO decide to. I decided that if I let each one of my exH's days drag me down and give me pain, that meant that the day won and that HE won--because that day was sort of "given" to him to hurt me.

Nope, I decided--I consciously made a decision--to not give him ANY MORE OF MY DAYS. I'm not being mean-hearted there but more like standing for myself. My days are MY days, and I can either let him have them and be a source of sorrow and pain, or I can claim them for myself and make that day MY day. I chose to make those days MY days! I purposely make a new, happy memory associated with those days, and I purposely create a new ritual for those days.

Jan. 1st I invited EVERYONE WHO LOVES ME or my kids to our house for a blow out party. It's not all wild and crazy either, but it does go well past midnight, and I'm surrounded by people who love me.

Feb. 3rd is CJ Pamper Day, and on that day I take the day off work and go to the $99 spa--even if I have to scrimp and save, that is SPA DAY!!

March 11th is not my old anniversary--it is now my Unniversary, and I celebrate all the freedoms and joys I have being a single person. I can sing in the shower FULL BLAST and no one tells me I sing bad. I can leave my shoes wantonly in the middle of the room and no one yells at me! I leave dishes in the sink too. On March 11th I take myself out for steak because I like steak.

April 20th is my birthday, and I love my birthday and love making a fuss on my birthday, but I have a hard time partying when I know people who sent their children to school that day and lost them in the library. I just can't "party" so on the day of my birth, I plant Columbines and have a little memorial...and on the weekend AFTER the day of my birth, I party ALL WEEKEND!!

May 23rd is near Memorial Day, so I call May 23rd Memorable Day--and on that day I remember some of the happier memories of our marriage: out children's births, their funny stories, things we accomplished, places we moved, etc. I even am writing a book call "All About Us."

Nov. 23rd/Thanksgiving I just don't think of that last affair. I think of everything I have to be thankful for now. I go to the church's free Thanksgiving Dinner and serve homeless people, and then come home with all kinds of people at my house and EAT and COOK and SHARE. I invite all the singles, kids, and folks who don't have family to come and eat dinner--and bring one dish to share. That's it. And I DON'T do any dishes on Thanksgiving, because I make the rules.

Dec. 9th I go to our local police department and volunteer for a day, because they came and kept me safe on a day when I needed it. Usually I file and joke around and bring cookies--but oh well! Then, I take myself out of seafood, because *I* love seafood and he didn't and would never take me out for shrimp or fish.

Christmas/Hannukkah--Actually he usually has the kids for the holidays, which was kinda hard on me at first (they go to Disney in Florida), but then I realized I had ONE WHOLE WEEK to myself. I sleep when I want, eat when I want, wear ugly jammies and fuzzy slippers, and watch chickflicks until I want to puke! I write to all the folks on my Holiday Card List (100'S!!!) and I bake cookies and just goof around. I work late if I want to because I don't have the kids to nag me, "MOM! When will you get home!" and I go out to dinner every night because I don't want to cook for ONE!!

See, WIWH and Shaken?? You can not let them have your days. Reclaim them as YOURS!!


CJ

FaithfullWife(if thats still your name)

I pay very little attention to the bad anniversaries. It's the ones that used to be good that just slip by now that bother me.

I'm sure in time they will mean less.

Shaken,
It's been years since Valentines or Anniv. seemed to mean anything to my STBX. In fact, I don't know when the last time was that she acknowledged either by doing something nice for me.