Hello all,

I am really confused these days. My wife and I have been separated for a little over three months. It started back on a Friday night this past March due to an argument we had at dinner and that argument we had was apparently the last straw. Later that night we got home and she went out to run an errand and that was the last I heard of her until the next morning, despite all the failed attempts to call her on her cell phone. The next morning she arrived at home and said that she had stayed at a friends. She was obviously very upset about everything, but said that she just didn't know if she could be married to me anymore. I never saw it coming! I was crushed! She suggested that maybe we should separate (she needed space) while she was feeling this way. I offered to move in with my parents for a while. Living at the parents wasn't the best thing and lasted about two months. After two months and not being able to give her space because she was only a couple of blocks away, I decided (along with the concurrence of my counselor) to move back in. I told her we could either work it out at home while I'm living here or I could help you find an apartment. Later that week she found an apartment about 10 miles away. Now, with the help of my counselor and friends and family, I am dealing well with being by myself. We have actually started having much better conversation since the separation and we see each other 2 - 3 times a week. We usually go out to dinner or I'll cook for us or vice/versa. It's been a little over three months and I really want her back, I don't need her, but I WANT her back in my life. I realize what I did and how I used to treat her. I got so involved with work and making money to support her like she was used growing up, that I just took her for granted and always second-guessed, belittled, etc...Now I am just trying to figure out if she will ever take me back. Whenever we are together these days I don't ever bring up "us" and I'm not sure how much longer I can take it, but I do realize that three months is not that long considering how long we've been together. We've been married 3 years and together for a total of about 7. Does anybody have any idea of how long a separation can last?

conway,

I've been seperated for almost 10 months now after being married over 12 years. In fact, today is my 13th anniversarry.

I don't know that W and I will ever be back together again. Some seperations are permanent, others can be very long.

I recomend that you be patient and continue learning and meeting her needs as you are.

Read up on plan A all you can and all the other information on this site that is available to you.

Make sure that you avoid Love Busters(Like talking about "Us") If that is something that will make her uncomfortable, don't do it. Wait for her.

But there is nothing wrong with showing her how you feel about her. You don't need to get needy and selfish but you can show her how important she is.

Be someone that she feels good being with!

Good Luck
WIWH