Greetings to all of you at MB. I'm sorry that circumstances have led you here, but I'm glad for you that you are in a place of caring people and good advice.

I'd be surprised if anyone here remembers me, as I've only posted a handful of times and it's been over 2 years since my last post. A lot has happened in my life since then, and most of it has been good. 2 or 3 years ago I wouldn't have believed you if you'd told me how great my life would be by 2004. That's why I'm writing here today, in the hopes that my experience might help provide some hope to those of you who are in great pain right now.

When I first came to MB as a lurker in 2001, my goal was to repair my marriage. I never did achieve that goal, and I eventually gave up in summer 2002. However, I learned a great deal through the process about myself, relationships, and life in general. When I finally did file for divorce, I was completely at peace-- I felt that I'd done everything in my power to fix the marriage, so I knew I could move on without regret. I also knew that the knowledge I gained would make me a better person and would serve me well should I find my way into a new relationship. What surprised me was how soon that happened.

In the fall of '02 I met the woman of my dreams. I was sure it would be a mistake to get deeply involved so soon after my previous marriage, but the spark between us was too powerful to resist. We've now been together almost 2 years, and we are married. The time we've spent together has been great! Even simple evenings at home and mundane activities like grocery shopping together are a treat. Making plans for the future has been a wonderful exciting experience, as we have very similar ideals and goals. Our honeymoon was far and away the best vacation either of us has ever experienced-- 2 weeks in Hawaii, including 3 separate islands! The islands were the most beautiful place I've ever seen, but what really made the trip was that I had the perfect companion. We are now in the process of buying our dream home where we hope to raise children and live for the next 30 or 40 years.

Almost every day something happens that makes me grateful for the wisdom I gained through MB and other resources I used during my painful breakdown of my last marriage. I think the most important lesson I learned is that building my relationship skills (especially learning just how my wife wants to be loved) is a life-long process. I will never again take anything for granted, and I will always be looking for new and creative ways to demonstrate my love.

Most of you here are probably going through one of the worst, if not the worst, time of your lives. I hope you'll keep in mind that surviving such a time and holding your head high is a great achievement; you should be proud of yourself and recognize the strength that you have inside. I hope you'll also take the opportunity to learn all you can from your current situation. Improving yourself is one of the best ways to try to fix your marriage-- and it's also one of the best things you can do to prepare yourself for the possibility that the marriage might fail and you'll need to move on alone.

I'd especially like to send my thanks to Just Learning, who was a tremendous help to me. Not just on my own threads, but on countless others that I read in my quest for knowledge. JL, I still think often of you and the wise tidbits I've read in many of your posts. I was very pleased (and impressed) to look through a few threads today and see that you are still posting. Thank you for listening to me and for offering some very good advice!

It's ironic how I ended up doing some marriage building, but not at all in the way I expected when I first found this site! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thanks MB!

Best of luck to all of you. Keep your heads up and stay positive!

-BP

Thanks for sharing your positive story!

I know just what you mean when you say you gave it everything you could, and then could go on knowing that you did.

I did the same. I gave my marriage all I could, but my X would not commit to our marriage.

I'm wondering how you met your wife? Just curious. Love, Love stories!

I unintentionally did meet someone while my divorce was in process, but I'm not yet at the point where I feel like I can be in a relationship, so I currently have ended the relationship.

Again, thanks for sharing your positive story.
I think we all need to know there is light!

K.

Karona, thanks for the reply!

I'm sorry to hear that you weren't able to save your marriage, but I'm glad you gave it your best. The peace you feel inside and the wisdom you gained from the experience surely must have been worth the struggle.

I applaud your decision to not get involved with someone too soon. I went against conventional thinking by doing so, and there was definitely some risk. So far, it's worked out wonderfully for me, but I wouldn't expect everyone to be so lucky. It's important to set appropriate limits for yourself, and even more important to stick to them.

As for the story of my wife and I, well, we are a success story of the web. We met online one night when I was talking with some friends in a Yahoo chat room. She had looked at my profile and saw that I lived nearby, so she sent me an instant message with the word "Hi"! My first reaction was to grumble that I got another message from one of those damn things trying to sell me online porn! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> But I was pleasantly surprised to find that there was actually a real person on the other side.

We talked via instant messenger for several hours, until it was way past both our bedtimes. My fingers ached from typing as fast as I could, but it was a great conversation and made me want to know more about her. We traded email addresses in the process. Emails eventually led to phone conversations, and a few weeks later we met for coffee. That night we talked for seven hours straight without a lull in the conversation. It was so much fun we went back the next week to the same coffee house!

The third meeting was what we considered to be our first date. We went skating together at a local ice arena, then had dinner at a Chinese restaurant. I highly recommend ice skating for a date activity-- it was fun, romantic, and it gave us lots of time to talk.

Many people are afraid to meet someone online, and I admit there is good reason to be careful. Myself, I think it's better than going to a noisy crowded bar. I made some great friends in the chat rooms, and even found the love of my life when I was least expecting it!

Thanks again for replying to my message!

BP

Thanks for sharing, again!

WOW, your a brave soul.
That is amazing the way you two met.
Sounds like one sucess story to me as well.
Happy for you!

As far as me, I did let my guard down, and get involved with this man, only to find out that I'm not ready to be in a relationship yet.
I have healing to do.
He is a great guy, probably a great catch, but I can't provide what I'm not ready to give.

Someday, I will be ready. And at that time, I hope Mr Right pops in!

Thanks again for sharing, Best of luck to you, and you wife.

K

BP,

It is good to see you back, and even better that your life has turned around so well. Congratulations, on your marriage and your happiness. It is odd about this place but even what seems like failure can be turned into success. That is the point that is often missed, that the lessons learned the first time through often help not that marriage but the next, thus avoiding the traps in a second marriage.

I am honored that you think that some of my advice helped you. But, you do realize it is you that deserves all of the credit for your efforts, and for making a success grow out of a bad situation.

I wish you continued happiness and success.

God Bless,

JL