Sending you Big hugs, Hi again,
Just checkin and wanted to let you know. I have thinking about you off,on today and praying for you, today.
I truly hope you had a better nights sleep and had somewhat better day. Things may be to foggy right now. Please remember that fog clouds, fog banks do take time to lift.
Please be very, very gentle with your self, your body, mind and soul has undergone a huge shock. Your entire being is an fragile state, trying to shift to rupture that has taken place. Your world has been rocked and shattered. Drugs destroy people.
You may be feeling a wide range of emotions anger, sorrow, confusion, fatigue, frustration, or plain shut down to numbness. Feeling nothing at all. It's Ok and it's all normal, part of the process, you have been injured, wounded and very hurt. It's all OK. Just rest.
Imagine how tired your mind has been wading through all the deception, lies, sorting out whats been goin on, whats real, what's isn't.
Mothering it's self is a extra high energy, high calling vocation. Children require so much, love, time attention, and perhaps leaving you little energy for your self.
Remember you have the right to accurate information, to know what's going on with your partner. YOU decide what you want, need. What you will live with, what kind of martial family culture you want to be in.
Way I see it. Marriage is a two way street, perhaps it has been one way street, serving only one partner unreasonable selfish needs, for some time. Maybe on collision course for awhile.
Coke dismantles sometimes a person entire wiring system, takes out their conscience, empathy, compassion.
Rembember, your not going crazy but simply your body, mind and soul is standing up for you, protecting you. Let your being, do it's thing. If you can cry, weep, let the tears flow,,, bonus.
You have every right too, give your self permission to be human, yourself.
Remember your entire system has been under the oppressive weight and negative stress for quite some time, it's normal to feel this way. Truth is it's the drugs, that are abnormal, and your partner way of dealing with his own negative baggage, hurt, pain. Drugs, are only a symptom, tip of the ice berg blocking something deeper that has little to do with you.
Truth is, our one number one need as humans to be loved. The situation in your marriage sounds very unbalanced, unfocused.
Communication is in my view, second. Healthy people communicate their loss, dissappointment, hurt, pain, hopes, needs, wants, desires.
Hope you won't force your self or push your self to hard.
In fact, your body is letting you know that the your circuits are over loaded and need rest. Much like the breaker box in your house. To much negative stress, over a very long period of time, flips the breaker. Shut down, protection,let the negative stress take it;s time to settle.
If I may suggest if things today just seem too overwhelming, it's ok to just crawl back into bed and relax, sleep, you must be so exhausted, worn out from all the stress... time to decompress from all the stress.
Be sure to eat your favorite food, even if it means ordering something in. Turn on some beautiful music, or have your radio on softely have it playing during the entire day, or all night long.
You might want to slip over to the grocery store and buy some of your favorite things, chocolate, pizza, steak, bit of seafood. Set your table, bring out your best china or dinner plates.
Should your budget allows buy some colorful napkins, importantly buy some flowers, even if it only one flower.
Sometimes three flowers are the right amount, one for your kitchen table, one for your bathroom, one in your bedroom.
If you can splurge more another flower that you leave on pillow where your spouse slept and let it rest.
If possible light some nice candles throughout the house, placed on a kitchen table, etc... Or light even some incense.
It's ok to pull down the curtains, close the drapes. It's ok to let the telephone ring and have the answering machine pick up all the calls. It's ok to block out the world. It's ok to watch cartoons with your daughter, hang in bed and relax. It's ok to be strong and vulnerable at the same time.
Pour your self a very nice bubble bath, get the candles out. Soak, soak, soak, close your eyes, try relaxing.
Put your coziest set of PJs and slippers or your favorite socks. It's not pleasant feeling to be rejected.
Downright sad, but it doesn't mean your not lovable, but that your partner doesn't understand what love is, and has a very big hole in his heart/soul, that started long before you came along.
Marriage, relating to another human being, giving, loving, and building a family structure proves takes strenght, committment, maturity and right now the responiblies seem to bringing out his out the immaturity, lack of skills, flaws in your partner and true understanding of how to treat a woman, wife, mother of his daughter.
He is failing himself, you and your daughter terribly. Weak person right now.
You and your daughter are just caught up in his crossfire. Age often has little to do with maturity, character, intergity speaks volumes.
Few other suggestions you may want to consider is interviewing several different laywers maybe 3 or 4 for that matter, not just one, make informed, comfortable choice, one that isn't gender biased or has same possible issues as your spouse. This too, can happen. Were all human.
You have the right to interview as many as you like, choose one that you feel the most attuned to. Feeling comfortable with, is sensitive, and look out for you and your daughter, having your best interests at heart.
Pay attention to your feelings of they treat you, do you feel respected, on the same level, do they seem interested, interact with you, on your level, on your side...
Your lawyer becomes your working partner, advocate. Signs of a good lawyer, will make sure that you are being properly looked after, make referral, may suggest marital counciling, role should be on everyone part to bring healing, restoration and everyone knowing all was done to save your marriage, family first.
I would suggest you may wish to consider writing down your situation and provide all the basic particulars about your situation beforehand.
Birth dates of both you and your partner, where you were both born, marriage dates, if living together how long, when you seperated, social insurance numbers, places of employment, how long, banking fianical stuff, daughter date of birth, speacil needs, dr. telephone number quik references for both of you to refer to.
History timeline about the relationship, main issuses, problems, dates when problems started.
One line sentances. Just the facts. Make Two copies one for you and another for your laywer.
One another sheet of paper, why not list all your questions and concerns you might have, with spaces under neath to write your answers in.
Make two copies, one for you and the other for the lawyer you are interviewing.
Gives your lawyer time to visually take the information in and help with focus of the managment flow of your situation.
Takes out so much of the emotionality, calms the nerves, keeps things on track for both you and your laywer...They forget details too, human like you and I.
Perhaps, ask each lawyer if they do interventions for spouses with addiction problems, at the first meeting.
Should your spouse evade avoid the doctors, counceling route, as I mentioned before, no deal, bargining, negoiatating with someone under the influences of chemicals, alchol... no visitation or access to your daughter until they do so. And does your spouse then need personal counciling as no being nasty, ignorant, cruel at the bargining table. Equal, fair playing field.
When seeing your doctor, for yourself, hopefully you will get a referral to addictions center where you will be properly advised supported how to handle someone coke, etc.. Fact sheets about these drugs all works. To setting some type of cooperative intervention.
You'll need lots of professional, healthy people around you. Chemical warfare is simply to difficult to handle on one's.
For example since a coke addict is operating on a very high frequency, all their sense are often very heightened, easily startled, irratated.
Keep your voice low and calm in speaking with them as they are not in their right mind. Life is wacked, distored, picture your self in dark deep tunneled prison disconnected from reality.
I don't know if you belive in God or are spiritual person, but if you are you might want to check out a wonderful web site that covers so many of life questions and provides very comforting calming solutions to life problems, emotional challenges.
Your broken heart must be hurting so much. Topic ranges on this site, is absolutely marvelous.
www.seekgod.comPerhaps, you might want to check out your personal favorites of your own, your soul needs so much nourishment, at this time and needs to fed. Lots of truths are needed. Like getting a flu shot. Remember you have heard so many lies, over and over.
You have fought a great battle to discover the truths about your partner, your self, relationship, marriage, family life.
Of course this is right hospital for your tender heart to be, where you can bring all your hurt, frustrations,confusion, questions, or simply read people situations, to see if it helps you any way.
It the best heart/soul hosiptal the people here. I found some of the best kind souls on the planet here, with lots of love, support, care, attention, great advice to offer to help on your journey.
Make your self right at home... your safe here.
