Please accept my deepest concerns. I am so very sorry, sorry to hear that both you and your wife have reached the dreaded exhaustion phase. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Things must be quite terrible at the moment. Definately, this is the right time and place for gaining some emotional and spritiual first aid at MB hospital. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
I imagine both of you must be both hurting very very deeply, emotionally drained and in a very serious place of great pain. I too am very sorry this is happening.
Sounds like the situation also at this moment there may be too, much sorrow and everything just plain too overwhelming, for either of your capacities at this time.
Perhaps, not having enough coping,communications skills and/ or third part support person, to help provide some additional safe structure, to help you both deal effectively during this difficult leg part of your marital journey.
Possibly may be causing more unneeded frustration or adding further complications. Since, I don't know your situation, I don't know if either of you are just over burdened or applicable to you both. You both know your situations much better, and your coping strageies.
Overall it sounds like both you and your wife are both tooo, deeply emotionally wounded, traumazied, GRIEVING, out of energy, worn out and need care. I could be missing the mark, but you guage what is revelant to you or not.
IMHO- Is there any possibly that the both of you could elect to take a temp time-out, with a mutual agreement that you both will re- pick up the issues again.
Even if it means jotting down on paper the major points to get back too, for the time being.
Would it be possible to seriously consider taking this much earned, deserved break, perhaps take a few days just off to REST, RELAX, take off the pressure, get some much needed sleep and in order to do some self care and marital inflight repair? Time out? T.O
I can imagine that both of you has hit a personal wall, and perhaps have collected far too much negative stress, extra baggage, from life in general, all complied all at once for each of your systems to process or discard. Release, relief is a good thing.
Much like the circuits are over loaded. Like a breaker box, which senses and naturally flips off. The power goes out for protection and safety.
Things may also feel fuzzy, disorientating and confusing at the this moment, all indictive signs of grief. Broken hearts take time to heal.
A good rests also aids in waiting for emotions to settle, thus makes seeing clearing, thinking more clearly, acting more reasonably, more rationally, and makes also for more constructive problem solving, not nearly as difficult.
And helps clear up possibe, some built up misunderstandings, miscommunications, leaving you both in much better position, to do more repair work to re-stablize, the infrastructure of your relationship.
I wonder, at this time if there have many old wounds on either of your sides, that never got delt with properly, cleaned out, healed properly that are still infected under the old scars, which have surfaced, or been forgotten about, or repressed not dealt with.
Complicating compounding matters further creating in creating a log jam, impasse or causing inflamatory words of old hurts to shoot out out of no where?
Sometimes, addressing old issues , it may be effective, to put the gears into reverse, slowly do some back tracking in order to stop the " spinning " of what's going on or I can't take it any more? Or taking the time, to look what;s really going on under the hood, rather than ignoring all the indicator warning lights in the martial vechile of life. Kife has so many diverisons, distractions, easy to do...
Are there any skewed priorties that might need to be looked at re-aligned? Or checking for any martial enrichment groups, which are marvelous in providing a much needed summer tune up? Maintance is a good thing, better than a break down anytime and comforting to know we are not all alone.
Or are there any feelings of being plain stuck in the mud, tunneled visioned, which can sometimes produce frustration, tension, aggravations, to the point where one wants to jump out of vechile, kick the tires and scream.
I am learning these pratical lessons the hard way. Solution, which works for me, when I remember, am focused, attuned, locked in, life begins to works, things, or situation altogether start flowing in the right direction. Maybe not the speed I would like for now, but things are flowing again.
Wondering, could there be a goal or possible lesson here to be learned,just maybe, learning to see and understand one another from each other hearts.
Seeing and understanding from the heart, is entirely different experince from seeing from just our, eyes, or hearing from our ears, or our minds being intellect or logically.
I know this applys to myself when things get too, emotionally supercharged, my emotions are revving much to high, this situation becomes clouded, obsure, difficulty arise in being seeing clearing or hearing clearly with intense emotions.
No matter who we look, at it , healing and responding is always about matters of the heart and the true question for ourselves to honestl answer is have we really each experinced each other love from our hearts.
Asking ourselves has this person truly "EXPERINCED" my love from in my heart.
What I have discovered from own audit of short comings, is when my attitude is not at it's best. When emotions are running too high, my constricting negative emotions seep in too. Then things really become muddled.
My own attitude becomes wrong, by my acting out rudely, gettimg irritated, scaractic, etc or getting into further knots of resentment, embitterment. Ahh, that frustrates me, irks me about myself. Causing to back up, own my part, make repairing amends to person,I hurt.
Thus I have also found that I am making the situation much more complicated and contributing by adding more problems, to the orginal problem that needs to be corrected, now needs more correction.
Next thing I know I in sharp verbal exchange, I have hurt those I love, heart, and tender spirits, opposed to addressed,resolved the actual problem. Unitentially and at times intentially.
I tend to get in this head space especially when I am over tired, over extended, cranky. Sleep is a great gift, and so helps me re-gaining prime time brain function, again calm, cool,composed and have collected myself.
Too much emotion, running for too long is like being in hyper gear for too long and simply burns out the clutch, or brakes for that matter. I remember we are not designed always to be on automatic pilot, though sometime or annoying habit can be.
Recall, the need to start down shifting to neutral or at least 1 st gear to re enage, and resolve what needs to be resolved.
I don't know if any of my comments applys to your situation, validates, or invalidates. But compassionate care is something we need and sometimes addressing the stress, grief and our woundedness can be half the battle already won. Sometimes we don't understand our selves what actually goes on inside, underneath it all.
I know you must feel that the situation might be hopeless, but here at MB there is soooo much hope, wisdom, tools to work with especially developing great communication skills and above all so many wonderful, caring, kind people at MB , all to happy to assist you and your wife on your journey of marriage.
You'll be amazed at what two people, plus hundreds of kind souls here can accomplish.
You both could be flying in a new and better relationship than you could ever dream of, and experince a marvelous marriage of a lifetime. The ship can turn around soar into magnificant new horizons. It's the cloud banks and endless greyness that can be so discouraging. Clouds do evaporate.
The way I see it and have experinces. The lack of proper communication is where often it all starts to break down between people and situations fall apart far there in the first place. It wonderful there is a God, who is a profound communicator, loves to assist with healing the pain, release of agony and brings us true peace, if we put him first in our lives, and in the center of our marriage, then there is real HOPE.
I hope you and your wife will be able to stop, disenage, REST, collect emotions and faculties. Recharge... start a fresh.
If either of you should need further inspiration, may I suggest visting a wonderful website bound to reboost the batteries, refill the tanks with SUPREME SONIC HOPE. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
At
www.seekgod.com I will be praying for you both! I hope both of you can re-locate the much needed calm, relax, call, push on God buttons. He loves, and cares very deeply for both of you and always has your best interests in his heart, even though we fall short in of ourselves, fail one another.
Suddenly, everything starts to look and feels sooo much better in being able to turn the corner, enabled, to do the right thing at the right time, by HIS RIGHT WAY.
If any consulation, I too, know what it feels like for me when I am uptight, tense, and push the panic buttons. The situation becomes a horribly unpleasant experince, as I end up lost, in a fog and going the wrong direction.
It then indeed begins to feel dark, dreary and hopeless. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
Three most important sentances and sacred acts to perform when things become flat, sour and even good in your marriage:
1. Love your wife, 2. Love your wife. 3. Love your wife.
She will respond in kind. You both will then be of one mind, one heart, one spirit and feel so much better.
If any light should shine in, have you each ever considered and tried writing on seperate pieces of paper 50 things each, of how you could each contribute to actively making things better, for each other and the marriage. It does take some brain storming, sometimes using our brains,talents, creativities gets us through the storms. God loves to help with that activity, too.
Heart smart solution.
Warmest and kind regards. Take care....you will be both in my prayers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
