I am a 35 year old man and my wife is 35. We have an 8 year old son together and a 15 year old daughter from her first marriage. We have been married for 8 years. We did get married after she became pregnant but I was sure before that I was going to marry her and I thought that she felt the same.
I have been a terrible person to live with over the years. I have not met my wife's emotional needs at all. She complains about my mood changes and hurting her feelings. I let the stresses of work and everyday life get to me too much and I have not been a good husband, but I love my wife with all my heart, I just never knew how to show it. We had grown so distant from each other until a couple of weeks ago she informed me that she doesn't feel anything at all for me anymore. I found out last night that she has been talking to another man for a couple of months but she assures me that nothing happened and that she wasn't going to do it anymore. I trust her, but she was sneaking behind my back (I found his number on a cell phone and confronted her).
I feel so bad for all of the pain that I caused her, because of my inability to open up to anyone, I played a large part in our daughters decision to move in with her real dad, and that broke my wife's heart. I could go on, but the bottom line is that I feel like I truly am a changed person, that this has been a wakeup call. I don't want to lose my wife, but she feels nothing. She used to cry over anything, now she shows no emotion at all, even when I am crying my eyes out. We have talked a good bit, but it always ends with her saying she thinks she would be happy alone. I don't want to push the issue, because that seems to aggravate her and would cause her to leave.
What should I do, right now I am just trying to be the best husband I can, do everything I can for her, try to talk (conversation is hard because of the tension). Is there a chance that her feelings are still there, just burried under years of pain and hurt? She shows me no affection and doesn't even want me touching her anymore. I am going to see a counseler tomorrow morning, but she says she won't go because it won't do her any good. I don't want to lose her, I cry all day long, and I am not a person that usually shows emotion. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.