Hello~
I have been reading the posts and now feel that I could use some advice.

Facts:
2 months ago my wife left without warning. I was hurt, angry, etc….But we have stayed in contact. We have talked a couple of times seriously (about what the problems of the relationship are), other times we just talk normally about how the day is going and other meaningless stuff. From what I have gathered, she is going through some serious psychological stuff right now.
Before I had met her she had had a bad relationship, which turned her into an alcoholic at which point she moved to another state (VA) and became very promiscuous. In VA she was raped and moved back to (MD) where we are now. Then she met me. We practically started to live together after I met her (6yrs ago), we got married, almost 2 years ago.
Right now she has me in limbo. We acquired a dog while together , and he pretty much is an excuse to talk to each other. Recently, she has said that she is not physically attracted to me and does not know if that will ever change, and that she cannot stand anyone (girls, guys) touching her including her family. She says that this is because of VA. She said that when I asked for sex and she “gave in” she felt like she was being taken advantage of, like I was some guy in VA.
When we talked seriously she said that she still loved me, that she is taking this time off to work out her problems, but she does not know how long it will take and questioned why I should wait around. I responded that marriage is more than about sex, that it is about love about friendship etc… and that I would be willing to wait around, although she assured me that I might not come out on top when all the dust settles.
In my state it takes a year to get a divorce so no matter what I am in for a long haul. Part of me wants to get her back, but another acknowledges that she does need to improve herself a lot. And still another part of me want s to be there for my friend as she goes through this rough time, but I am also angry at the way she left. And in all honesty she needs to put forth a lot more effort in the marriage. But nevertheless we were together for 6 years.
She claims that this is a “vacation” as opposed to a seperation(but in all honesty she hardly ever calls and I have to initiate everything), she does not want a divorce because it is "final -but cannot assure me as to any time frame. I have handled this from day one as the road to divorce. Today we went to a movie and it was pleasant we held hands and hugged afterward and she said she would call me soon.

NOW HERE are my problems:
1) I am wondering if I should stay supportive or just accept the fact that she is in denial and get ready for the big D
2) MOST IMPORTATLY: I have a bar exam coming up in a month, everytime I see her I get all emotional and waste my day. I cannot afford wasting any more days and thus want to write her a letter stating that I love her and all that good stuff but for the next month I gotta concentrate on studying. We have a Marriage Counceling session scheduled for August 3rd. I am afraid that if I write the letter and say lets not talk for a month it will scare her off (because things have been improving) and (since it is a very stressful time) I will want to talk to her. But I know that talking/ seeing her will make me upset. And I also know that if I am not around I could be losing round after round with her family et.al. who are probably steering her in the direction away from me. And finally I will not be there if she needs support. SO WHAT DO I DO?

Hi josh,

Welcome to MB

Although your situation is very difficult, I don't see you dicission as such.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And still another part of me want s to be there for my friend as she goes through this rough time </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She seems to have been through a very tough time that she has not been able to recover from yet.

6 years isn't much time. Consider how much of this 6 years it took her to admit that she still has a problem and it is affecting her relationship with you.

Show her how much you care for her by showing her how much you care for her. Yes I did mean to repeat that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Do what you can to help her through what must be a very difficult time for her. Support her in the ways that she wants and needs to be supported, not how you feel yoou should support her.

Go to a IC youself to learn how to deal with the situation that you are in as well as the situation that she is in.

The only problem that I have with your "problems" is

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> 2) MOST IMPORTATLY: I have a bar exam coming up in a month </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is this realy what is most important?

WIWH

<small>[ June 26, 2004, 11:05 PM: Message edited by: WishI WereHome ]</small>