lately, i've been hearing a lot about std's- on the city bus there was a sign posted: "HPV the new most common STD- and condoms don't work against it." and then the other day on the 700 club they discussed how "herpes has affected almost 50% of our population and HPV is not far behind." so, i'm like, man, neither of these diseases are curable which leaves alot of people infected for the rest of their lives- and most of them, i would think, are not married. my question is this: what are all these people left to do? do they have hope for marriage? what are the statistics on people with herpes and HPV (human papaloma virus) actually getting married after they have contracted the disease? hmmm...... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

I can't give you any statistics or odds of people with HPV, herpes or any other sexually transmitted disease(s) getting married. I can only speak of my own experience. HPV did not hender me getting married.
A couple of weeks after my husband and I started dating, I discovered I was infected with HPV. Of course I expected him to dump me and move on. To my surprise he was very caring and he even went as far as to do some research on the virus and find out what all is at stake. He knew it was something I would carry with me forever unless a cure was found. He knew there was a possiblity of me passing it on to him if we became sexually involved. Ultimately, he knew this was something that will effect the rest of his life if he decided to dump me or not. The way he explained it to me was "There are so many people who are infected and either they are not going to be honest about it or they are just plain ignorant to the fact that they are infected. It is a chance I take whether I am with you or I move on to be with someone else." In essence sexually transmitted diseases are one of the risks of being sexually active. I think most shameful part is we put such a stigma on the fact that someone has a disease because of how they were exposed to it. Sex is a natural fuction. Unfortunately, people do not have all of the facts before they jump into the sack with someone (that's nothing new and I doubt it will ever change). I'm not saying that everyone who is open about their disease will have the same experience I had with their significant other but if everything is on the table from the start if nothing else it gives the other person the option to stay or leave.
One of the reasons I married my husband is because of his attitude about the whole situation. What people don't get is it CAN happen to you no matter who you are with. HPV has it's health risks most of which are just a mild annoyance but it is not the end of the world. You can not live as if it is the end of the world unless you want to be unhappy the rest of your life. I have been living with HPV for several years and I can happily and luckily say I have only had one outbreak, which was the one I had when I was diagnost. My husband has not had any and inspite of what I have read about the complications it can pose during pregnancy and child birth I was also fortunate. I don't dwell on what might happen. Sure I MIGHT get cevical cancer as a result of having been exposed to HPV but I MIGHT get run over by a bus before the cancer has a chance to begin. Live life... If someone you love doesn't love you because you are the way you are they probably never will. They must not be the one you are ment to be with. I feel like I am getting off the subject now so I will bring this post to a close. I am open to any specific questions or concerns. Just know I am no expert on the matter, I just live with it. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I too am infected by HPV (something similar anyway...still warts). I had one for about 5 years and insisted that it was "something." But the university nurses assured me that it was "nothing." Well, during pregnancy it changed and I knew for sure it was "something." It was removed and I haven't had another one. I was afraid to tell my new H that I had an STD. I did tell him right away and he was concerned, but everything is fine now. Sex is unchanged because of this virus. We are just more observant of ourselves and each other. So, marriage and sex can go on after an infection. But to those of you who are not married...please do protect yourself. Don't be like me and think, "It wouldn't happen to me." Because it did!

i just want to say thank you very much for your responses. i love you and may god continue to bless!!!

I am a 50 year-old male who has been twice divorced. I have only recently begun dating again after 6 years of singlehood. Four months ago I met a lady of 46 who has never married. I have been completely honest about my past and have told her everything about me from the beginning. We fell in love and I asked her to marry me, (she said 'yes'). We have been doing well, and have been enjoying a free and unrestrained sexual relationship. Two months after our engagement, she began to occasionally withdraw from me sexually. I didn't understand why, so I asked. She then informed me that she had contracted genital herpes from a previous relationship, and was presently experiencing an outbreak. She has apologized. I can say that if she would have told me before our first sexual encounter, I would have probably not have dived in. I'm feeling betrayed because she never felt it necessary to be honest with me from the beginning. As far as I am concerned, this has thrown a monkey wrench into our relationship, not only because of the honesty/trust issue, but because I really do not want to get herpes myself, and I am resentful in knowing that we are going to have to accomodate the disease before sharing. I have not yet been to a doctor to see if I am infected. I have never had any type of VD. I have researched all the facts about the disease, but am still apprehensive and relunctant to continue. I am heartbroken. I love her so, but what if for some unforseen reason we break up? I will be alone and infected with the virus for the rest of my life. Does my apprehention reveal that I really don't love her as much as I think I do? Any reply would be welcomed.

My now-husband was sexually active before me. I waited for him. He told me that he was tested and clean. Well.....about three months after we're married I find out that yes, he was tested and clean for a couple of things...FOUR WOMEN AGO. Yep, I was pretty P.O.'d to say the least. He put my LIFE at risk, and he didn't even think about it or care. If you have something like this or even have a chance of having something like this, you owe it to whoever your with tell them wayyy before you get serious. <p>That said...I think the statistics on who has what STD are grossly inflated by the media. As Mark Twain said, "There are lies, damn lies, and statistics". I've seen a lot of conflicting reports about the extent of STD infections.

well, coby. i don't know- it is kind of like a catch 22 sort of thing to me. at one point you loved her enough to feel like you could spend the rest of your life with her, for better or for worst. now you are not willing to deal with the worst. yet, on the other hand, i can certainly understand why you might want to step back. she didn't tell you from the start, but she did tell you before you got married. aaaannndd even though it wasn't the best way for her to handle the situation, she was trying to keep you from her outbreak- so, she does care about your well being. i don't know what to tell you. i guess the true question is this: "hey, you've been married twice before- has this particular woman touched your heart in such a way that makes you feel as if you've finally gotten it right this time?" and if so, then do you really want to let that go? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]