This is mostly a vent. I just can't believe my ex! He is STILL playing mind games after 2 years!

To recap, AFTER I left him for being emotionally and verbally abusive, he still had visitation rights and gave the boys expensive presents and made excessive promises to them........and after 6 months of that on the eve of our divorce hearing, the county sheriff tipped me off and my attorney discovered he had done prison time for molesting his step sons in his first marriage. She said there were 75 pages of court documents and read me some of it........how he compared what he did with the boys to masturbating dogs so they'd like you.....and worse. He never showed any remorse, never saw that what he did was wrong, never went to a treatment program. Of course, both of our attorneys were appalled, the judge gave me sole custody, and he was given supervised visitation, which he keeps trying to get around and manipulate.

So, he wrote me a letter which I got today, saying he was never convicted of molesting children, and that all this is a figment of my twisted imagination and some day the kids will find out the truth and will hate me.

Huh????

While I don't care what he says about me, I do worry that he might try to kidnap them or get to them.....I can't chain them to the house or be with all of them all the time. They are normal... ride bikes, play ball, go to friends, to the pool......what if??? I do insist that they let me know where they are at all times.

Am I paranoid?

Anna, we hear some horrible stories on these boards and this is definitely one of the worst.

You can take steps to help your children understand abuse, and to notify an adult if they are concerned.
You can keep your local police & schools abreast of the situation, and keep copies of the sole custody document on file will these parties, and others.
You may even want to have the children carry a sealed envelope to carry and tell them to open it and give it to an adult only if dad tries to take them. Inside have a copy of the document, and instructions to call the police immediately.

I guess the most difficult part is that the children don't understand what he might be capable of; since he never hurt THEM. But when we were married, he always said how much he liked working with 11 to 14 year old boys in church and boy scouts and how that was his favorite age.... now I know what he REALLY meant. My boys are 8 and 12.

I have really stressed to them that they never go anywhere with dad without my permission; but I'm not sure they'd remember if he drove up and offered to take them to McDonalds.....

I am so sorry to hear this....horrified in fact. I don't know what to say that would make it easier for you to bear. What a burden. I'm like a momma bear with my kids....I know it wouldn't be pretty to see what would happen to any man that would mess with my kids.

I remember once when my oldest was exposed to a pedophile...he was in the neighborhood and was confined to his parents house via the court...however that didn't stop him from standing in a window and playing with himself in front of my daughter who happened to be at her friends house and playing in the yard! After that traumatic experience and having to deal with the police etc....we had a talk that WAS repetitious to say the least. As parents we talk about what's safe and what's not. I found a great book (she was 9 at the time) that explained sexual assault in a way that was perfect for the age of 9 or so. It talked about people that you love that can do horrible things like molesting etc....but written in a way that the kids know exactly WHAT to do and say. It would be a way of opening up conversation and expressing your concerns about them going with their father. Explaining to them that supervised visitation is the only acceptable way of seeing their father.

Newly's idea about the sealed envelope is excellent. I also have copies of the court orders with the schools, the local police detachment and also with a neighbor.

And just to ease your mind...you are NOT in ANYWAY PARANOID...what you ARE is a wonderful caring parent who will protect her children at any cost.

I remember my kids telling me I was paranoid and that their "friends" parents would never ask their children to keep in touch with them...MY response? "Well I just love you more!"