My husband has been addicted to drugs for most of our marriage, but I am finally tired of the whole thing. Yesterday I told him that he had to quit or I was leaving. He says he doesn't want to. What do I do? The thought of not having him almost kills me but not as bad as the things he says when he is strung out.Is there help?

I am so sorry to hear of your pain and grief, and of the decision you are thinking about. Have you been to see an addictions counselor? They are trained to work with people and marriages where one or both spouses are addicted to drugs or alcohol. In the phone book they will have the letters CAC after their name, which stands for Certified Addictions Counselor. It is a hard certification to get, so it really means something. <p>Generally they will advise what is called an intervention. This is where you and other family members or friends, or just you and the counselor confront your H graciously but firmly with his behavior and its' consequences to you and your marriage, and then give him a choice to enter rehab treatment immediately or you will leave until he does. Before the confrontation arrangememts are made with a rehab facility to take him in right away if he agrees. Also a place for you to stay is set up should he refuse. It sounds drastic, and it is, but it usually works - if not that day then within a short while after he sees you are serious. This is the final step after the counselor has tried to meet with your H several times. Hope this helps.

I can't tell you what you should do, but I can tell you my own personal rules. I won't deal with people with an alchol or drug problem at all. The consequences are too great. <p>There is no such thing as a relationship with a person addicted to drugs or alcohol. Their primary relationship is with the drug. You are a far second.<p>Why would you want to stay with someone that chooses drugs over you?

Hi! Your husband is lucky to have you. I agree with RJD entirely. I am a recovering alchoholic, my sister and several deceased brother inlaws have been into hard drugs for decades. I have seen a lot and for you to stand tough and get backup to say "I love you too much to let this go on" is worth more than diamonds and gold. Order "Love Busters" and "His Needs Her Needs" by Dr Harley and I guess have them delivered to a trusted friend that can get them to you where you run if you have to displace temporarily. But however it goes down read both books while he is drying out. They will give you encouragement and information that will help you both build a new life together. Remember this, if you do nothing the man you love and your relationship will both suffer, the sooner you get help, the sooner the healing can begin. May God be with you.