After seeing someone for 3 months and then returning home, to build retrust isn't he supposed to show accountability for EVERYTHING to regain my trust according to HARLEY'S?????????????

He MAY be hiding money and that (seems) to be what she's worried about.

Lefty simply knows that their daughter cashed a check for him. Lefty did not see the check, therefore she does not know for sure, how much it was written for.
Her husband told her it was for X dollars but she can only take his word (which is not worth anything) for it.

Lefty, when are you gonna call Marriage Builders to develop a plan to recover before your husband leaves again?

Lefty and Chris,

I think I was just trying to clarfiy where the money from odd jobs fits in in relation to say, OW, unaccounted for time, disinclination to go to counseling, a belief that this was just something he "needed to get out of his system", moving out-moving home-moving out.

There so much for Left to worry about without making money a huge issue. UNLESS, he has a history of spending money on OW, or Lefty believes his hiding money in preperation for a divorce.

If the former, it needs to be laid out now as a boundary, and POJA'd. If the latter, I suggest Lefty hire a PI or lawyer and take action. By the time one spouse starts hiding assets, in my book you need to play hard ball to protect yourself.

Lefty, I have two bits of advice. First, get a new therapist. Second, and more importantly, if you want to be married to this man until you die, I suggest you call Dr. Harley or Steve Harley RIGHT NOW!!!!

I'm sure Chris would be willing to call and say you were an emergency!!!! I would too, but I have less clout.

to build retrust isn't he supposed to show accountability for EVERYTHING to regain my trust according to HARLEY'S?????????????
Yes, if he is truly into saving the marriage, he will. But YOU need to give him a reason to do all this work.

lefty,
If you had read anything posted to you (or anything of Harley's material) over the last 18+ months, you would understand it may not happen for a while and also that it probably won't happen unless the betrayed spouse (you) changes their attitude from prior to the separation/affair.
Simply saying, "it's supposed to be this way" will not make it that way.

<small>[ August 11, 2004, 10:46 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>