I guess it's time to be welcomed to a new section of MB. My first divorce is underway, he has left me for another woman after only 5 months of trying recovery from my affair on him back in Oct.

I have seen a totally different side of him than what I was used to, the mean and hurtful side that I never knew existed.

So far he has threatened to take full custody of our daughter, fight for the house, sue for allimony, etc.

I have gone and seen a lawyer, got my consultation and the facts on what can happen. Now it's all down hill from here, emotionally and physically.

I guess I'm confused right now as to whether I want him back, or if I just want someone to love me. It's all very hard and I can't even look at another man right now without wanting to scratch thier eyes out or thinking that they are out to get me in some way.

It's also very hard to hear about how he's gone here or there with his new girlfriend who also happens to be married, and I'm here, just being a momma to our daughter while he's out galavanting around doing things with her, spending money on her while I can't get a shred of support from him.

I guess this is long enough for a beginning letter. I will have to do some reading and find out what all is going on in this new forum before I start going further. I just can't bring myself to continue on in the recovery section while recovery is gone.

I don't want to lie to myself anymore.