Just posted this on another thread - but I am going to post it here to. I need all of you witty wonderful people to help me get past this - I need to laugh at myself - and hear about what a jerk my now ex BF truly is:

Thursday morning, I had another teary call from Ex - how he is so sorry, he screwed up, what can he do to help me, etc.
I spent all day crying.
Then I get a call from the man I have been seeing. This man is a christian, kind, thoughtful. We were going slowly in our R - saw each other about once a week. He generally calls every day - or at least every other day. But this week I saw him Sunday - and then he didn't call until Thursday at 5:00. Given the fact that my life has been in turmoil with the ex, it was probably best that he didn't call until then - but it was still strange. So I asked him "is something up" Do we need to talk?" and he said "yes, we need to get together and talk" You can imagine how I felt at that moment. Not now. Why is all this happening at once.
He picks me up from work, and we go for a walk. The talk starts out fine - he says that he has been an emotional wreck lately (just started a new job, his Dad passed away recently) and feels like he is just a mess. He feels bad becuase we have entered into a physical relationship (I'm sorry to admit that - but its true) and he knows that he is not right with God in that aspect. That while he is praying to God for guidance in his life - here he knows that he is doing something terribly wrong. Of course I was relived to hear this - after all, I agree with him fully on that. He says he still wants to be in a relationship with me, just not physical. I was thrilled!
We contiunue to walk - and talk, and I am feeling really good about the whole thing until -
he says "is there anything else you would like to discuss, as long as we are being so open?" and I said "no, how about you?"
Yes, he says, there is one other thing. I am really struglling with something - this is not your problem, it is mine, but I have to admit that I have a problem with your weight
He says that he is very upset with himself for "having a problem with my weight" that he knows he is just being shallow, but he can't help it.
Here is the truly odd thing - I am not fat!!! Don't get me wrong - I don't think he should have said that even if I was fat - but the strange thing is I'M NOT!. I weart a size 8. I am sure I could stand to lose 20 pounds - but no more than that. And the real sad thing is that I have been dieting this past week, and lost 3 pounds, but now I am just devastated by his comment.
I didn't know how to respond.
He says "I am not asking you to lose weight for me, I just wanted to be up front and honest with you. Believe me it wasn't easy for me to say that.
We parted ways that night. I was still too stunned to respond. he called me later that night to see if I was ok, and I said "Why did you say that about my weight?" and his reponse was "is that still bothering you?" I said, "I can not figure out why you even brought it up - what good could possibly come from that?"
Again he just said "I was just trying to be entirely honest with you - this isn't your problem - it's mine - I am being shallow and I hate that about myself"
I cried all night. That day I felt so ugly.
The next day I woke up, looked in the mirror and realized I am not fat! I still want to lose a few more pounds - for my own sake - but I can not get past feeling deeply hurt by what he said.
He called again, just to see how I was. I was polite, I told him I was fine. He said he would call again real soon. He has his kids over this weekend, so typically he calls me before they get there (which he did) and again, on Sunday, after they leave.
I think I am going to type him an email, and just tell him that in my opinion, good friends do not say such hurtful thigs to each other, and I simply do not see how we can contniue to be friends. He justifies his words by saying that it is just him "being shallow Hal" as if that makes it ok. But it doesn't. Here he confesses that he was not right with God in our physcial realtionship - yet how can he think he is right with God when he has deeply hurt one of Gods own children? God does not want him to judge my outside appearance.
I am a 40 year old woman - with 2 kids. I am active and a lot of fun to be with. But all he can say is that he has a problem with my weight.
As I was driving home that night - Ex H called. He could tell I had been crying. He asked what was wrong. I told him what happened. He kept saying that I wasn't fat and he thinks I am very attractive, and he feels bad now becuase he knows that his leaving, and his A have made me feel bad about myself. That if he had not left, I would not have been in a relationship with this guy and would not have heard those awful words.
I can't help but wonder if this is all Gods timing? I was feeling so good about my realtionshiop with this guy - the only way I would have decided to stop seeing him was if he said something so awful that I knew I needed to move on. And he did. I would still feel like I was in a relationship with him today if he hadn't said that - but he did say it - and I know I can't even be friends with him now.

OHHH WOF--
Big hug to you.

How can this man have said this to you?
I feel like I am you.
Our D's were final same day.
I'm 41 and have two children.
I also wear a size 8, but I'm not a true size 8. Some days I could be a 10 maybe. But, by no means is a size 8 fat!
I could stand to lose 15 easy, but it's not easy.
I can only imagine how hurt you are.

I don't know the guy, but I'm mad at him!

For me, I probably couldn't get past that comment.
My X was very particular about my body.
He wanted me to look just right. While I was pregnant, he even admitted to me that he was not attracted to me. I know the pain you are talking about.

I wish you happiness, and I don't know you, but I do not believe for a second that you are fat!

Take care of yourself.
K.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{womanoffaith}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Weight issues - or rather "Attractive Spouse" - or needing to be with someone you consider attractive - are noted by Harley as an EN. While it doesn't make a lot of sense to those of us who do not have that value system, I guess we have to at least acknowledge it exists in some people.

Now know that God is always in control, and He always has a good plan for you.

STAND STILL AND SEE THE SALVATION OF THE LORD.

Amen.

Humor? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

There is nothing funny about hurting someone's feelings but when I read your post and do a little of my own selective editting this is what I come up with.

You are a young attractive woman full of energy and he has a problem with your physical relationship and your weight.

Tell him to get on top once in a while and your weight won't be a problem in your physical relationship anymore <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Some people are shallow and everyon'e idea of attractiveness are different. The bright side is that he is being open and Radically Honest with you!!!!

WIWH