I have a question and I was hoping someone can help me to understand. My EX has been with the OW for 3 years and he still to this day has not mentioned her to the children. We (The kids and I) know he lives with her but keeps all information from them. Meaning he lives in the same town but all we know is that he lives at the lake. My EX-FIL (bless his heart) told my oldest son that he meet the other woman and didn't have much to say about her. My EX mentioned her name to my D and said that OW was his girlfriend but that is all he would tell D about her.

EX took our D for fathers day over to his parents house. My D tells me when she got home that when my EX-SIL walked in the door she asked EX-MIL if OW was there. My D asked who OW was (knowing full well what her name is) and my EX-SIL and EX-MIL both told her it was some cat that had adopted them. GIVE HER A BREAK! She is one smart little girl and said she just laughed at them.

So my question is this - After 3 years why is the EX still making this affair a secret. Well only a secret from his kids. The 2 oldest are over 18 and the youngest is 12.

Well I don't know your story but I'm guessing that OW is what brought on your D.

If thats the case then I would say that he is either ashamed of what he did and doesn't want to admit to your kids that OW is why your M ended.

Or he is just uncomfortable with the thought of them thinking he OW Replaced you in his life and doesn't want them to hate or blame her.

JMHO
WIWH

Those are pretty good answers to my questions. And in reality they could be the right answers. But what troubles me about the SECRET is that we have been seperated and divorced for almost 3 years and the EX spends NO and I mean NO time with his kids except on Christmas Eve. NO KIDDING! HE lives 20 miles away mind you!

So Are the kids an embaressment to him? Does the OW not like children? When he sees them is he reminded of the fact that he had an affair?

I can ramble on and on! I just don't understand why? I won't ask him because I feel that his life is his life and none of my business anymore - but the kids should be his life too but are lied to not just by him but by his family also. Hence the "Secret" that his kids already know about.

Hi Bladybug,

I doubt that your XH has the courage to own up, to the damages he has caused. Adultery is a family affair, it hurts everyone.

Each person situation is difficult and complex. In my situation I would only wish that my XH would keep his degenerate lifestyle and women out of my children face. He exerts so much pressure for my kids to be party to his lastest conquests.

For the sake of my kids, spiritual, emotional and mental health. My XH deserves to have his parenting rights stripped, should have to earn them back.He is a negative and bad influence on my kids.

Why am I so upset, well for one thing my XH is modeling irresponible sex, sexual diseases HIV, AIDS, STDS.

Teaching my kids people are "things" not human, only good for self gratification. He has taught them how to be an alcholic, drug user, be irresponible, reckless, careless about other people lives, theirs and how to be a bully.

Additionally, falsely teaching my kids that they are not important, worthless, unlovable, unvaluable. His women simply reinforce such negative messages.

Importantly, adultery is a serious breach of the 10 commandents. Many people belive that those commands, which are made for human interaction for protection are not just options, suggestions.

So maybe there are blessings of greater unseen protection here to protect your kids from greater harm.

The women probably wouldn't have sensitivity towards your children, as they possibly see you as a greater threat to their shaky card house relationship.

It is obvious the women are deeply insecure as to take away their father from them. If they can keep him distracted, he doesn't have to look at himself, what he has done, kids are the reminder.

Your kids will never forget that his rejection wasn't only about you but them as well.

Knowing the truth, helps the kids see that Dad is one hurting, messed up person, with deep serious problems.

While there sensitive hearts, souls are being sheilded, protected from further harm, by the all the love, care and committment you so provide for their benefit, so they can grow, develop on solid ground.

I am a little bit sensitive today, as my friend called me yesterday telling me she had a serious situation on her hands the other night, with one of the neighbor kids. Who showed up at her door step several nights ago at 1:30 am crying, in a disorientated, state with her wrists slit, and bleeding. She had good sense, to seek help. My girlfriend ended up taking her to the hospital.

The poor child is only 14 and took a mega over dose of ritalin to take her life. Mom, was away at her friends for the night. She was in so much pain, dad didn't say goodbye.

Dad lives in another town, focused only on his women. Think the poor child internal pain speaks volumes about parents who deliberately abandoned their kids and think there are no negative consequences.

Sounds like your XH clan, possibly have loads of skeltons in their family closets, and your XH could possibly be reinacting the unresolved dsyfuctions in his family. Heavens, should everyone have to face the truth, and lift the garbage lid off their own trash cans.

Hugs,take care.