I've been married almost 20 years. We have 3 children - 8, 14, 16

Everything was going well until about 5 1/2 years ago when my husband was laid off. Instead of getting a new job, he decided to start his own buisness - software development. It's now 5 1/2 years later ..the software is still not completed, we are $65,000 in debt, our savings is gone and we are barely making ends meet. Our finances are one step from bankruptcy. I've pleaded with him to "get it done" .. and all he tells me is 10,000 copies is $1,000,000

I'm not sure I can even get out if I wanted to .. I can't afford to support 2 households on my salary ...

HELP!

See my answer in the other thread.

You want to end the marriage because of 65K in debt? So you take your half, and he gets his half of the debt and you part ways?

Huh? I guess marriage is really disposable and those vows about for better or for worse are just for show.

I was ok with this in the EN, section, but contemplating divorce over debt and a late software project.

Sheesh, makes my WW seem angelic by comparison.

Tony

It's more then money .. I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I'm tired of the constant struggle to make ends meet when I know he could be contributing. I'm working 60-70 hours a week - at one point holding down 3 jobs. Plus taking care of 3 kids and a household.

I'm angry at where we are. My children are without health insurance, as am I. I pray nothing happens because I can't take care of my kids if they became sick or hurt. I don't know how my son will be able to go to college next year ..

This is situation is self-inflicted! He choose to put us in this situation. It wasn't because of illness or injury. It wasn't because of the economy or misfortune. It was because he wanted something diffent. He didn't want to work for "someone else" anymore.

He has a completed project which he refuses to market. He's not ready yet. ..

Yes this is about money .. but is is also about responsiblity.

So I guess I have to continue to support him & my family and he doesn't have to do anything???? I guess that is the worse part ....

StuckInWV

Have you looked into county or state assisted health care for the kids. There may be something that is available to you to help out until this passes.

Have you been to Marriage Counseling. Your H needs to understand how this is affecting you and your Marriage.

Ouch-- I am sending u big hugs. That's way to much of a crushing load to be struggling under.

I can feel the extreme exhaustion, over loaded systems, discouragement setting in. Sounds your shouldering way far too much for normal compacity.

Your concerns are very legitmate-

Remember you are a human being and not a machine.

Time to get third part support (male) involved in assisting your husband in the process of returning to his senses. (Male pride thing)

Wondering if he may be buried under huge boulders of guilt, fear, shame, sense of failure. He needs someone to help take the boulders off one at a time.

I have been there and let me tell you it can get worse. Especially, when your own well of emotional reserves become depleted and chronic exhaustion sets in.

As women we are not designed to carry entire heavy loads for too long, without it effecting our entire being.

The infrastructure of your marriage/family is very fragile and worth getting help for.

Important thing is trying to start doing some stress reduction for your self.

Warning flashers should be on-- Bridge out uphead.

I think that's what your trying to tell your husband head's up, turn this ship around.

I've thought about asking his brother for help. Especially since his marriage broke up last year. Although his situation was much different .. she walked out with someone else. Leaving him & the kids high and dry.

I'm asked by my friends .. why are doing this? How are you "putting up" with the situtation. Why aren't his friends asking the same thing?

My kids even ask .. when is dad going to get a job? They know that they have gone without as a result.

Stress sucks ....

I have a very similar experience. H laid off, developing software with no end in site and I am working to help make ends meet (we pay health ins. ourselves since I don't have coverage at work!)
We have a ton of other issues in our marriage with we are working to remedy together. I have told my H that this lack of seeking employement for us is a huge stress factor for me and he has finally moved a bit in the direction of searching (a tiny bit <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

I don't know when it is time for you to end it. You have to look at the big picture of what you get from your H that is still good vs what you are not getting from him. You have to look at if there is potential for things turning around for the two of you and how much you want to convince him to do his part of whatever there is to work on.

I hope you find a way to make things better soon.