Awesome... thxs for sharing--great update. Whoah, dude!

Congrats on getting the driver seat back and the steering wheel back of your mind. Kudos.

Obvious your kids thinks the world of you. Super I applaude you for being a great dad, setting a great example of strengh, chillin and modelling to them how real men ride tall in saddle.

In the long run, your teaching your boys to seperate a real man from a boy such as the om.

From what you descibe the other guy has no presence. He just plays a cold, cold game of spades and plays the game to win. Remember you have a royal flush in your hand.

Nothin like a rodeo to keep everythin in perspective.

Though things are bucky right now. Hang on, keep your spirit strong, stay calm, it's a wild ride!

Suggestion, you might want to rent the movie the "Horse Whisperer".

Cheers

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Want My Wife Back???:

what caused the change? Is it fog? Did she just dive back into the fog bank??? And if so, what caused that? What did the @sshole say to her???? I mean after he pulls up and I’m there right next to my WW and holding our son while joking with her… then I am nothing but sweet and nice to her while he is standing there 20 feet away… I can’t help but think that this dude must be rather insecure about the R with the WW… so I expect this stuff to bother him… hell, that is half the reason for doing it! But wow, what causes the change in the WW? How do I deal with it? If I’m plan A-ing… how do you respond or deal with the angry outbursts and revisionist history of the WS? Any thoughts here…???

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> My thoughts: Your Plan A is working. Though your wife is fighting it, you are making headway.

The OM doesn't like you asserting your place as father of his girlfriend's children. He wishes you would disappear. When the kids show their love for you, it really highlights what a lowlife he is to meddle in your family and have an affair with a married woman.

I'm guessing your wife is being angry with you right now and setting arbitrary rules and reciting her revised history of the marriage because she is afraid she made the wrong choice. The OM must have sulked, pouted and growled at her about your behavior (which was golden, by the way!) You really made him look like what he is - a cur.

So, the fallout from the lover's quarrel is that she mustered her bad feelings and dumped them on you.

She's justifying her bad actions. But she's conflicted. I think you're doing great. You're wearing her down with your manliness, your excellent fathering, and your assertiveness. Even setting the sprinklers is a plus.

You are caring for the nest. The nest she left, yes, but you have a history there. And it's the nest where your children have their home. It's symbolic even if she doesn't really want to admit, that you WERE a good husband.

Keep on!

Sounds like things are going very well!
You hit the nail on the head - she is very uncomfortable right now - and I'll bet OM is putting a lot of pressure on her. I am sure that every time you are nice to her he just twists it into some type of "game" you are playing.
keep up the good work. After awhile she will get tired of hearing OM try to make you look bad, when in reality you have only been nice. You are making that ba$[censored] look really bad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
In April my sister died - she was only 44 and died unexpectedly in her sleep. My ex called me the day before the funeral to say that he wasn't going to attend funeral because he would be uncomfortable around my family. I simply said "she was your sister for the past 18 years - this funeral is about her - not about you and how you might feel uncomfortable. But if you can't see that, then by all means, do not bother coming"
In the end - he did come. Came in late, sat in the back, left early. But at least he came.
Now (post fog) he tells me that OW had really put a lot of pressure on him to skip the funeral. Kept telling him that it would cause a big scene - that he wouldn't be welcome, you name it. But he came, and there was no big scene. It was one of the defining moments - he could see that she was trying to stir up crap, and that me, and my fmaily were still the same old nice, genuine, sincere people we had always been.
You are doing great!

Hey guys, thanks. The words of encouragement are wonderful…and needed. The stuff you all have said is exactly what I was thinking… well hoping was going on behind the scenes. It is nice to see that I’m not alone in how I see this.

I talked to her last night when I called to say goodnight to the kids. We talked for about 10 or 15 minutes… which doesn’t sound like much, but given the past history of her letting the kids answer and then hanging up without saying a word… this is a HUGE improvement. And she was extremely nice and cordial… almost happy to be talking to me it seems.

Well, I have to prepare for my meeting with the custody evaluator tomorrow… which will be tough because I will, in the course of advocating for my kids… for me getting custody, have to be citing how bad of a person and parent she has been as a whole over the last 10 months. I don’t like that I have to do this… I wish we could put everything on hold for awhile. But… I guess I need to look at it in the sense that I didn’t choose for this to happen… and as uncomfortable as it is to do, I have to for the best interest of the kids.

WMWB,

I do have great intrest in how you make out tomorow with the custody evaluator. I will be meeting with the law guardian for my 2 children in about a week and very nervous about it. Please either post here after and let us know how you did or or e-mail me at jpham66@yahoo.com. Thanks

Another quick update…

Last night was great! I was working late and WW calls my office around 8:00 to have youngest son say goodnight and to tell me that oldest son has already fallen asleep. WW and I talked for over an hour! Everything under the sun… her work, my work, her parents, our kids, school and daycare… it was nice. I don’t know what to make of this. I am trying really, REALLY hard to not get any hopes up about her coming to her senses or wanting to come home. I honestly still don’t know if it would even be a good idea for her to come back should she even want to. It seems that we are sure headed in that direction though.

Ok, here is the million dollar question for today…
I think pride and fear of looking stupid will be MAJOR hurdles for WW to get past for her to even admit she made a mistake and wants to come home. Would it be a good or bad idea for me to simply tell her the following:

“WW, please do me a favor…you can blow me off if you’d like, you can take this back to you’re circle of friends and make fun of me if you’d like… I really don’t care. But do me the favor of at least knowing that I mean what I’m about to say…

If you ever, EVER even think for a second that you may want to come home, that you think that we have something worth saving, that our kids deserve better than this, that we owe it to the institution of marriage, whatever… if you ever want to discuss our relationship… please, please, PLEASE do not be too proud, or too scared to do so.

I’m not saying we can save it, I don’t even know if it would be a good idea to try. But please feel free to talk to me about it if you’d like.”


Is this a good thing or a bad thing to do? Should I say nothing and just continue to flirt and be nice? I know that I should NEVER be one to bring up the relationship talk… and I don’t intend to here either other than to help her feel safe in talking with me about it should she want to. Of course…. Reading what I wrote, it really appears to be a huge serving of cake for her doesn’t it!?!?!

James:
I have had two meetings with her already, and will likely have two more individual meetings with her. Then there will be meetings with me and the kids, the kids alone, my references, neighbors, ect. This thing is supposed to take 3 months to complete. We agreed to hire an independent third party evaluator rather than a guardian ad litem or go thru the county. None of the attorney’s nor the mediator wanted the county involved… they all pretty much jumped out of their chair when WW suggested using them… including her own attorney! It was pretty funny.

If I had to give you any advice in meeting with these folks who are supposed to be advocating and looking out for the kids, it is this: Focus. Put the focus on your children and NOT your W. This is what my attorney has told me from day one… You answer every question with “My kids…” not “My wife did …..” You need to show this person that you are really focused on what is best for the kids…. Not you or WW. You can aire your concerns with WW’s behavior and actions, but you gotta frame it with how you are concerned about your kids. What WW does on her time, with or without the kids is not your concern. You need to show maturity and acceptance (even if you don’t accept it at all…), you need to protect stability and humility. Being a single custodial parent is TOUGH. They expect you to be a little overwhelmed. You need to be humble and concerned for the kids. This is not about your WW… and the evaluator does NOT care about your feelings concerning what she has done, you feelings of the morality of what she has done, or how you feel about the OP being around your kids. Period. Now, if he is a legitimate danger to them… then of course the evaluator ought to know.

Just remember… keep the focus on your kids and you’ll do fine.

The obvious disclaimer follows… I am NOT and attorney, don’t play one on TV, don’t want to… all I can do is relate the advice I’ve been given and what seems to have worked for me. Do with it what you will, but remember… you get what you pay for!

<small>[ July 14, 2004, 09:14 AM: Message edited by: Want My Wife Back??? ]</small>