Hi all

It's been along time since I came here but I once got some good advice so I thought I would try again. I've been divorced for over 9 months and during that time I have tried to move forward but for about 2 months now I feel like I'm going the other way. I've been thinking alot about when I found out my ex-wife was seeing her personal trainer and the things they put me through during the 6 months leading up to D-day. I have a lot of hate again a lot of it focused on him. It's like I just found out and to add to it I dream about it. I also started a new relationship but that ended the other day when I got a phone call from her saying she found someone else. It was never a serious relationship I wanted to take it slow but I realize I was scared of showing my feelings and I pushed her away. And now I find my self missing her. Not only did I lose her and the friendship we had, but her room mate was my friend and now she won't talk to me. I use to be able to make friends easily but I just seem to lose the friends I have. During my separation I had 2 friends move in with me. That lasted 3 months they drove me out of the apartment that we rented. I thought I was going to have a break down because of them. We are no longer friends.

I hate being alone I try getting out and doing things but I alway feel lonely. I'm tired of spinning my wheels and having the past bringing me down. Any advice on how to block out the past and the hate I feel for the other man. And find happiness while being single and alone.

thanks
sixchut

Newsweek's cover story is on infidelity, and has a sidebar story of a personal trainer. Interesting reading.

Do you go to a counselor? It sounds as if you need someone to help sort out the feelings. Also, try to locate a divorce support group in your area, these can really help in the recovery.
And if you can't find one, there are many helpful books. A great one is the FreshStart Divorce Recovery Workbook which helps to guide you through your healing.

Your post seems like you are focusing more on others, than on yourself, your needs and your recovery. Blame hinders recovery and means that you accept no responsibility for the problems in your M. Just my opinion.