Hello. My H got his lawyer yesterday and couldn't wait to blurt out that he's logging everything that I do regaurding our daughter, that I'm making a big mistake with a sly grin on his face.

I'm doing as my lawyer advises, and I'm sure he's doing what his lawyer advises. I can't help but frear that one of the lawyers is giving bad advice. Who's right and who's wrong?

Will I find out on the court date or is there any advice that I can get letting me know that I know what I'm doing. My lawyer says to trust him, not to worry about a thing, but how can I help that?

I want my daughter, my daughter wants to be with me, and he's fighting for custody because he doesn't want to pay support. Before he was served with support he could care when he had her or didn't, now it's a totally different story.

Anyone else have the same problem? Anyone that's been through this, please give me a little help here. Thanks

Chastesin,

Yes--I did--most custody cases are this way--

My ex didn't see the kids until his lawyer suggested he do--and that he fight for custody--

So basically--if you allow him to see your daughter liberally--your doing fine--if you are preventing him from seeing her for whatever reason (other than abuse) your making it more difficult on yourself--

they ask questions like--whose your childs best friend--what are their teachers names, how are they doing in school--who takes them to the dr. dentist and so forth more often--

How is child support determined in your state? I know here--my lawyer had a computer program based on the state guidelines--my ex's atty did not--
so his atty was telling my ex that I was asking for WAY to much child support based on what the state will require--so he continued to fight for custody--

My ex asked me one day why I was fighting for so much child support--I said--fighting for?? My lawyer used the state computer program to determine child support--based on both incomes--
so what I'm asking isn't more than what the state guideline says--I suggested he ask his lawyer if he has the state program--he asked--he didn't--

My ex realized his lawyer was only after more money--every phone call, every letter, every e-mail, every piece of paper that has your name on it--that passes on their desk--they bill you for--
even if it's just to pick it up and move it to another pile--My lawyer on the other hand was not like that--and was actually doing the case pro-bono--which I explained to my now ex--so I wasn't the one being bilked out of all the money--
he was--

So when he realized I wasn't trying to screw him out of more than what the state says he was required to pay--the battle stopped--

So that may be the case here--your husband thinking he's going to have to pay more than what the state says is required--

And not sure how old your child is--but in most states at a certain age--they do have a say in who they want to live with--

It occurs frequently. Previously uninvolved parents learn that if they don't get awarded overnight custody, they will pay more in child support.
Many states are moving toward 50/50 custody unless they have reason to give less. It also depends on the age and sex of the child. There are many great resources. Make sure you buy the book "Mom's House/Dad's House".

Hello-

I too had my lawyer go by the guidelines of the state to figure out support. H though, wants me to pay support to him and take custody of our daughter so he doesn't have to pay, and I keep supporting him as I have done through our M. He also knows that it's by the guidelines.

I am letting her go see him liberally, but he wants her overnight and I told him that that will not occur until custody guidelines have been set, then she can go stay with him whenever she likes.

I have two weeks to get through this and then we go to court over it. So far his lawyer has made no demands through mine, so we don't know what he's going to ask for exactly, only what he's told me.

I have a compiled list of reasons why I should have physical custody of our daughter.

I'm just unsure what's going to happen, I've never been to court before, or in any trouble so I don't know what to expect at all.

Thanks for your advice.

Chastesin-

I really feel for you. I am currently going through a custody battle with my XH and I know how stressful it can be. We also are fighting because of support. My XH has nobody but himself in mind as he puts us all through this.

If you aren't keeping a daily log of everything you do for your daughter and any contact you WH has with either you or her, please start today. If nothing else it will keep you prepared and on top of things. It also gives you a written log should your WH make any allegations, etc.

Custody laws vary from state to state, but you should be able to access them and find out if your lawyer is doing things correctly.

Above all keep the best interests of your daughter first and foremost. As newly has told me multiple times throughout my struggle, parent out of love not fear. Trust that the courts will see through to the truth and that they will blow your WH's attempts to escape paying support.

Keep us posted.

Take care and God bless!
K

Chastesin,

In reading your profile here--your the WW--so your husband will probably try and bring this up in court--and it won't matter about his seeing someone else--if he had already moved out of the house when their relationship started--

So if your lawyer doesn't know about your A--tell him--that way it won't come as a surprise when your in court--and will give him more of a heads up of what he may expect--

Does your h know the man is? if so--he may be called into court--as a witness--


--I am letting her go see him liberally, but he wants her overnight and I told him that that will not occur until custody guidelines have been set, then she can go stay with him whenever she likes.

TR--Why aren't you allowing over nights at his place at this time?

What about your relationship with OM? is he still in the picture? or have you stopped all contact?

I'm asking because it could be brought up--and depending on the judge could be used against you--
not that it will be--but it could be--especially if he is living with you--or if he's staying over night at your home--and your daughter is not allowed to stay over night w/ her own father--

So again--is there a reason your not allowing her overnight visits with her father? was/is he abusive to her or not responsible because of addictions? Those are really the only reason I would see as to not allow the overnights--


--and I keep supporting him as I have done through our M--

TR--Was he a stay at home dad?? Is that why you were supporting him? or was he going to college?
that could play a part in this as well--

ok, according to my lawyer regaurding his current A, it does come into play during the custody battle because it's considered "unstable environment" for our child, especially since we are not divorced and he started the A before D was filed. I have talked to the OW's H and he is willing to come to court and testify as a witness to his current A.

As for me, no, I haven't seen another man since Oct. of last year when H and I started working on things. I was giving 210%, but it wasn't enough for him, he was already involved with the OW. He has been with her for 5 months now which is nearly as long as we were "working on it."

Why she can't spend the night. This is also lawyer advised. It's a custody matter, a law in MI that where ever the child sleeps is her residence. And since I want custody of her, she can't spend the night at his home until custody lines are drawn, then it won't matter. She can go stay with him as many nights as she wants.

Another matter about overnights, for the past five weeks she had been staying with him from 10:30pm-6:30am during the week while I was at work. Pretty much a night time babysitter. She was asleep while she was there and with me all of her waking hours (I work 3rd shift). And he didn't want her at all on the weekends.

Now, since he's been served, he's fighting for custody just to get out of paying and I think pretty much to try to hurt me because he thinks I'm insane for filing for D, even though he said he wants one and he's not coming home ever.

He doesn't want our daughter, he only wants her when HE wants to play with her, not full time. Now he's fighting for joint custody so I would still have to pay him child support and I'm pretty sure he's going after the night time arrangement again so that he's just babysitting her and I have to pay through the nose and be the one actually taking care of her needs when she's NOT asleep.

The lawyer does know about my A's, and says that it will be brought up in court, but it really shouldn't be much of an issue, since he's having one too, I quit and started working on our M, and he continues, scrapping our M. It also looks bad on him that he left us for another woman and didn't make any arrangements to help care for our child.

Supporting him through our M, no, he brings home just as much as I do, only I paid for everything and he had all his money as play money for himself. I paid 1200 a month in bills compared to his 300. Now he's mad because he has bills he has to pay, less spending money, and right now I have 4 bux left at the end of the week after paying bills.

I am logging everything as my lawyer has advised me. He is too, he was more than happy to blurt that out to me to try to get under my skin.

Yes, he knows who all 3 A are. That was part of me telling him everything so that we could fix our M. I kept absolutely no secrets from him, but he decided to keep his from me. It does hurt, but there's nothing I can do about it now.

I just have to focus on what's best for my daughter, and that would be staying with Momma, in her home, in her school district, able to see her Daddy whenever he has time for her, and being able to do all the things that Momma does for her, like dance classes, soccer, playdates with friends, going fishing and to the arcade and all that fun stuff that I have always done with her and he hasn't.

I don't think my daughter would have a very enjoyable life living in a 1 bedroom appartment with her father and his girlfriend, whenever he moves her in with him. I don't like it at all. He doesn't even live in her school district and it's not a very good neighborhood crimewise either.

I am sacrificing everything for my baby, and I will continue to until she's torn from my arms cause that's the only way I will give her up.

Ok, I'm going off on a rampage here, anyway, I hope that answers your questions. I should be hearing from his lawyer today (or mine actually) on his demands as he told me last night that he's going to see the lawyer today.

Be strong for me, I'm being strong for myself.

Dear lady, you are paying an awful lot of money to that lawyer, don't ignor him.

I really recommend that you use this forum to vent your concerns, maybe even to prompt questions you might put to your lawyer, but please, get your legal advice from your lawyer, not from this board.

There is a word you are going to learn to hate. That word is TIME. These things all take time to get resolved, but they will be resolved. Meantime, stay here, share your feelings and concerns, but let your lawyer be your legal adviser.

Bumperii,

I agree--which is also why I posed the questions I did--so that in case it hadn't been covered--she could make sure it was--

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ThornedRose:
<strong>
I agree--which is also why I posed the questions I did--so that in case it hadn't been covered--she could make sure it was-- </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TR, I think you do a great job on this forum. It just concerned me that Chastesin sounded like she was shopping for answers. It is kind of a human thing we do, we keep asking different people for advice or opinions until we hear the answer we want. Well, that isn't always what we need in divorce matters. Most of us are bettter off to let just let the lawyers carry the battle. Then when it is over with we can go on with our new relationship as co parents of our children.