I am currently 4 1/2 months pregant with our first child and my husband got caught cheating with this gilr who is a member of the same church. I realized the relationship when I checked his cell phon ebill. They had been communicating over the phine since Jan. I found out in April. I told him that I could not take anymore and I told him that he had to leave. He came back later that night and said that he did not have anywhere else to go and could he stay. I told him that as long as he is going to respect me and not mistreat me then he could. He later left that week. He took all of his clothes, he refused to talk to me and has refused counseling. He told me that he just wanted out. We went to a preliminary hearing for our divorce on last week. We cannot get one until the baby is born for insurance purposes. I really wnat my marriage to work and I do not want a divorce. We have been married for two years and we dated for 7 prior to getting married. He was my best friend. We had been trying for more than 3 years to have a baby. I had some medical problems and the Lord blessed us. I cannot believe that he would leave me in a time when I need him the most. We do not communicate because I am so hurt. He does not communicate with our social group of freinds because they have all told him that he needs to go home. He has refused counseling several times and will not entertain the accussations agianst him. He is a very stubborn man who has a lot of pride. I need help.

Kyshia:

I'm so sorry because I know how you feeling wright know to the t. I found out I was pregnant of my 3rd child two weeks after my h left to be with the OW. In my case my stbxh ask me for an abortion, and later to try to humiliated me more ask me for a paternity test which we never did because he only ask to make me feel bad.

I wasn't so fortune to have access to this forum so I make a lot of mistakes, my son is 15 months and i am still trying to find out which is going to be the best decision to make to divorce or try to
recoverd and rebuild my m, but i'm starting to believe that is not much I can do anyway if he don't want to try also.

It is hard but if you can please focused wright now in you pregnancy. Nothing that you said or do for the moment is going to make ANY effect in what your husband is going to do, he is confused wrigth now. In my case I only drive him more apart because we only figth and down the rode it was worst.

Believe me is hard but please, the best thing that could happen wrigth now is that you do not talked to him.

You should concentrated in your pregnancy, eat healthy, sleep a lot, believe me you are going to need the rest. Keep your appointments and enjoy the fact that you are going to be a mother which is one of the most beutifull things that can be happening to you wrigth now.

I used to cry so much that I asked my doctor if that would afect the baby, I was so scared.

Believed me wrigth now your hormons are like crazy and you need to think in you and your baby, if he calls just try to be civil and happy, just talk about the baby, the appointments, try to not talk about the ow or the cituation unless he addrresses. (I now sound imposible but try). Read about plan A.

I'm praying for you.

PS- My baby is the most beutifull thing I ever had or dream of had. He gave me so much joy and happines evreyday.

<small>[ July 14, 2004, 12:55 AM: Message edited by: Majoli ]</small>

Honey,

I feel for you, and tears come to my eyes. I am so sooory. The circumstances don't seem fair. Your situation, touches in triggering so many memories of my being in your stages of pregancy, marriage, and my husband acting out so wierdly.

Two years later learning he had an affair one nighter before 3 weeks our child was born. The relationship shattered and for us it didn't get better. I am proud of you for taking a stand. You and your baby don't need the agony and hurt. This is one of the most blessed,beautiful time of your life.

Hugs,,,

Kyshia-

My heart goes out to you. I was three months pregnant with our fourth child when my now XH left me. At the time it was two months later when I discovered his affair. An affair that had started before I got pregnant.

As in Majoli's case my then WH asked me to get an abortion. When I refused he demanded a paternity test, only to refuse it when I called his bluff. He took a lot of heat for his actions so to compensate he started to tell anyone who would listen that I had been having a affair and he wasn't sure the baby was his (I was never unfaithful in our marriage).

My then WH did basically everything he could to ignore the pregancy. Luckily I was surrounded by a great group of family and friends. Still it didn't make up for the fact that my husband was treating me like garbage at a time I needed him most. My father was also diagnosed with cancer three months after my WH moved out.

After too many tears and a whole lot of praying I accepted the fact that I was in the pregnancy alone and made up my mind to focus on the baby, as you know not an easy task. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Her father and I then divorced. For almost the first year of her life he had very little to do with her, but has since turned around.

To this day she continues to be a miracle. She is simply beautiful inside and out and there will always be something special about her. She may have lost her father in the traditional sense of the word, but she in turn became everyone's baby. To this day my family and friends are protective of her and they fall all over her. Her wonderful older siblings have done great as well and together we have rebuilt our lives to better than we were before.

When I look back I wonder how I survived that time in my life, but it is obvious that God was with me and carried me through. I also know that in spite of everything that surrounded my pregnancy and her birth that she is truly a blessing and it is her father's loss.

I wish you the best with your marriage. Read everything you can on this site as it is full of great information. First and foremost, take care of yourself and this baby. It will be difficult, but try to lessen your stress. Pamper yourself and surround yourself with family and friends. Come here often to get the support that you need. There is another person on this forum named GodisinControl who was also left when she was pregnant. We went through our situations together. Hopefully she will chime in and give you some advice as well.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Trust me, you will get through this and will have a beautiful baby to love.

Take care and God bless!
K

Well the last week has been a little better. He came by the house and asked if I needed anything. I told him that what I needed was for my husband to be a husband. We did talk and he told me that he was sorry for the pain that he has caused me. He aslo asked why did our marriage end up like it did. I told him that a lot of it had to do with him and then I played a part in it as well. He asked to see my stomach nad he rubbed it. That was very emotional to me and I started crying. He later left. He came on Sat. to remove a bedroom set from the house. I was upset and very emotional there as well. His female freind called my cell phone while he was there and I have had to change it ofr the 4th time in three months. I just want some peace. All of his friends say that he wil be back when the baby comes. I want him back becasue he wants to be there. It's sad that I still love him. I just honor my vows, for sickness and health until death us to part. We were both invited to a [rty on Sat. I know that it;s going to be hard. This is our 1st time attending a function w/o going with each other. But I am prayed up and I know that God is in control of this situation. I have given it to him.
Thank you all for the responses. Keep me encouraged. I need it.
Am I crazy for wnating him in spite of all that he has done?

NO,

Well then i must be crazy too, because after my husban asking me for an abortion, DNA, Not paying the whole CS, Insulting me, Disrespecting me, lying to me to no end, I still want to try to fixed my marriage and be the family we should be, but then again, maybe that is not was is best.

No, you are not crazy you just are in love with your husband, the person that promise to be your partner and the father of your child.

Do not matter if you think you wasn't the perfect wife, No excuss is aceptable to cheat on your spouse. And please ask your husband to tell the OW, that you are pregnant and need your rest and to be as calm as possible and NOT TO CALL HIM AT YOUR HOUSE, They should at least have that consideration with you.


Please take care, you both need it.