I saw The Notebook today. It brought a rush of emotion. My XH and I were married ten years and talked often of how we were the ones that were going to make it til death do us part.

We talked so often about how our relationship was the best relationship there was, how compatible we were, so forth...

His mother moved in with us about 6 years into the marriage and that's when things started to go downhill. I was constantly stressed and felt no privacy. I know that I put him in the middle all the time because he loved both of us. But when it seemed things were getting better, he tells me he wants a divorce. And I find out he's having an affair. Even during the affair he was telling what a great marriage we had. I was caught totally off guard. I knew when she was putting pressure on him though because he became downright nasty to me. He couldn't decide which one he wanted. I finally said enough and moved out. That was a little over a year ago and the divorce is now final.

I really felt that he was my soulmate. I loved him deeper and truer than anyone else in my life. I never felt love like that before and I doubt I will again.

I believe that he was my one true love and I will never have that again rather than from me not opening up or just that you get only one chance at true love and if you fail it is not meant to happen again.

So why did this movie hit me so hard? I thought I was over mourning this relationship, and this man. What's wrong with me? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I don't know, really what's so wrong with all of us? I feel so touched, and relate to your situation. It's just all sucks doesn't it.

Where and how did your XH meet the OW? It does seems so odd? If you had such a strong bond.

Maybe she drugged him?

Life sometimes just sucks.

I hope were not all 99 still tryin to figure it out. Why don't they make movies that have figured it out.

Or is simply half the planet going stark raving mad? Maybe it's the flouride in tooth paste? Has anyone done a study possible link on people loosing their moorings.

I think though this week is a good week to buy our self some flowers!

Smiles,

Thanks sky diver.

I think the bond that we had was just fiction. I think he told me things that he thought I wanted to hear just to keep me in the relationship until he found someone else and was ready to get out.

He and the OW met at work. She was going through some marriage problems also, so it started with him "helping" deal with those problems.

I guess by talking to her and her telling him things like "you take my breath away" and how handsome he was, things that after 10 years of marriage I just didn't say as much as I should have, he figured our marriage just wasn't what he wanted anymore.

I know that I was not a very easy person to live with because I had a hard time dealing with his mother living with us, but like I said, it was getting better, but the damage was done and he wasn't willing to work on it before having the affair. Once he told me about the affair, I couldn't deal with that even though I tried really hard for months. I just couldn't, so I left.

Hey Kar,

I am very sorry to hear about your situation.

Truth is stranger than fiction. I hear what your saying. I believed everything my XH said.

I guess it's taking someone a face value and beliving them. Why wouldn't we otherwise.

How sad that he couldn't deal with his mother, and left you holding the bag.

Did he tell you she was saying all that to him? Wow that's pretty aggressive stance on her part.

If only some one told us that there was expiry date to our relationship, I think we would prepare ourselves, or do things differently or leave ourselves.

Seems ever"thing" and people sometimes become a thing" in our disposable recycled culture.

The work environment seems to undo the knot for many marriages. I am really, really sorry.

You give me the impression, you are a romantic?

We have many lessons of the heart to learn...

Hugs

Hi Karma--

I'm sorry to hear about your D, and your situation.

My X too, left our home for a woman that he works with. They are living together now, and I still have dreams that he is telling me how he messed up. However, to this day, that has not happened.

You are right. These women do tell the men everything and more, that they want to hear.
In my case, she talked Porno to my XH, and that spoke volumes to him, not to mention telling him the same. How attractive he was, his body....
Rumor has it, she has had more than 1 affair, so I guess she knows how to play the game.

As for my XMIL, she supports my X all the way. Which, I understand to a point, that is her son. But, the fact they broke up two families, and are now living together, floors me that she can agree with that.

As far as The Notebook, and all other books by Nicholas Sparks. Love the movie, and the author!
I would love to have the life that goes on in these movies.

I have been given the advice to read the book Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, Starting Over.
It is helpful, and does talk somewhat about these fairy tale endings.
I believe there is a happy in the end, but maybe it's not as easy as the movies make it out to be.

Something I read that SkyDiver wrote was, if we only knew there was an end to relationships, would we do things different.
If you listen to country music, the song by Tim McGraw, Live Like You Were Dying, says it best.

Anyway, thought I would chime in. You are not alone.
We have all stumbled in our marriages, but, it does not give the WS permission to have an affair.

Take care,
K

Thanks for your responses. I have good days and bad days with this whole divorce thing.

I truly felt that he was my one true love. I was going to be with him until the day I died.

I'm doing better now. Seeing that movie just brought a rush of emotions that I had surpressed. I'm really good at that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

oh man Karma, are you sure we aren't the same person?

My H found out about my A on him back in Oct. After that he told me how wonderful our M was, how we were different than everyone else, we had this true bond no one else could even come close to.

Then things changed and he moved out, this after meeting a woman at his work going through the same thing and he "helping" her through it. Now the two of them are together ::

He too was telling me how he wanted everything to work between us, meanwhile seeing this OW. I was devistated to find out. He told me of course.

I filed for D. He too was trying to decide which woman he wanted, and took her over me. He said he would take any woman over me. What was left for me to do?

Anyway, I feel your pain girl and I'll chat at ya later when I get home from work in the morning.