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#774087 07/09/04 07:18 PM
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The court date has finally been set and I have to say that I'm so relieved. We weren't meant to be together and I got that sense but I had a real hard time letting that dream we had of spending the rest of our lives together go.

The one thing that bothers me now is that I have no real record of that life--she has all the pictures of our time together and I'd like to look back at my lifetime during my 20's at some point down the road. I mean I don't want to block that period out because I did and learned a lot about myself and relationships.

It's funny that now when I look back, I know, my heart wasn't really into it and as much as it should have been. I tried to convince myself that it could work but it wouldn't have been permanent. We would not have made eachother happy for the rest of our lives. That's been proven.

I hope and wish that we can be honest with ourselves about our feelings and think back to when your relationship went sour and the real reason behind it. You can't change anybody to be something that they don't have the capacity for and trying to is just a waste of energy. I'm focusing on what I need and what I want out of a relationship and if I don't find it with one person then I'll try and find it with someone else. And if I never find than that's o.k. to. Atleast I know what I want which is more than I can say for most people.

I still wish her the best and I'm sorry for how it all went down but I know she'll bounce back just like I have. "Coughlin's law: Everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn't end."

#774088 07/10/04 08:05 PM
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Hi Coughlin,

I am very, very sorry the situation has come to this point and can appreciate the closure relief.

You seem to have doing a great deal of soul searching.

Why do you think your "heart" wasn't into the relationship?

What was goin on with you at the time?

Where was your "heart" ?


Where did it slide down the slope?

I hear your need for the photos memories of your journies, history.

I wonder if there is any possibility of her being somewhat civial and making double copies, which you could pay for?

Fair/Fair resolution. She has a set and you have a set. Fair, reasonable and equal.

Or simply requesting this from your lawyer to hers. I don't think the whole process needs to be so adverserial.

As angry, I was xh, I packed all his belongings, keep sake memories, memento's and secured them for him all very nicely, moved everything into the gargage for him which sat there for three monthes. He choose to end the marriage so I respected his choice.

I didn't think it was right to be destructive with things that belonged to him and part of his life history. I don't think we have to get so ugly in court, we can get the same results being fair and civil for the most part.

Mind you, I did have thoughts to chuck everything out, did cross my mind a few times, but really what did nasty really solve.

Like you, my xh and I were simply mismatched. Bad marriage coming to end that was long over due.

I will pray that court goes reasonably fair. It does feel better to have it finished, move on. I hear you.

Take care,

#774089 07/13/04 06:41 PM
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Hi Skydiver. Sorry for the late response but to answer your question my heart was in the right place but with the wrong girl. I desperately wanted to settle down and fit in and I saw something in her and our close circle of friends that made me feel secure. I wanted to feel loved and admired and she gave me that. In return, I thought I could blend our value systems despite the huge differences and make the most of it. We didn't have enough in common to sustain us and I began to realize that when I found other people more interesting. Women like her are a dime a dozen and I wanted something more special and after realizing that she couldn't change, I began searching for it in other people and it wasn't hard to find.

#774090 07/16/04 03:46 PM
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Hi Coughlin,

No problemo, I am in a middle of a move-- so if I understand you correctly are you saying that your goals, values and visions were worlds apart?

I don't understand your whole story--but what her different values that produced such a wide chasm?

I do understand that underlying need to adapt, to fit in and belong. That's makes us human.

In my situation, my heart too, was in the right place but with the wrong person- my xh had too, much negative baggage and refused to take responibilty for it.

Don't think it had to be such an extreme uphill battle.

I do feel so relieved it's over. I am glad that I saw it through to the end!

Any process with getting your photos? How goes that? I hope she can soften her heart on that issue! There has been enough pain...

Talk to u later...
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

#774091 07/17/04 10:48 AM
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Edited out my comments, see post below.

Edited to add this quote:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Zig Ziglar writes:

I have no way of knowing whether or not you have married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I'll be the first to admit that it's possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could very well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or the wrong person is primarily up to you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

<small>[ July 17, 2004, 02:13 PM: Message edited by: trustntruth ]</small>

#774092 07/17/04 02:11 PM
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WOW am I sorry..... for your situation.

I went back and read some of your old posts, and I am SOOOOO sorry! I am going to go back and edit my post. again.

You are the Betrayed spouse, and you were trying plan A. I am sorry. You are trying to reconcile what happened to you in your mind, not justify in your mind your right to a divorce.

I can understand wanting pictures. Can you ask WW if she would please protect those things until such as a time that she is ready to give them up? Do you have a relative that she is friends with that can ask her those things on your behalf?

I am sorry for responding quickly to your original posts without reading all the rest of your posts....

TNT


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