Ok. Haven't posted in a while b/c I've been darn busy and also powers that be @ work have been as we suspected monitoring any internet usage so we're kinda flying low under radar. And when I get home from work I am soooooo darn tired I just take bubble bath and maybe go for a jog and then zzzzz.

Son is doing well. Doing good in the kids camp I picked out for him. He has a blast. Just got back from Jethro's 2 days ago. We are going to a zoo night/safari night at zoo atl tomorrow evening and I am soooo excited.

Now here's the cruddy vent part. Ok. I have been seeing the cute PA...RR, now for three months. There has been NO firm talk of exclusivity although allusions to "if I were to marry you" and stuff like that from him. He does mention he wants to go and meet my sis and bro in law (close by in AL and he's also a doc so they will have alot in common and they're my closest relatives in distance and at heart too) and we are considering doing a weekend alone in september.

The other night he came by late after he was on call and we hung out. I have a tropical bird who happens to be excact same breed of bird as his xgf (very longterm and ended 3 years ago..she really hurt him and he thought they'd be married by now). He fell asleep on couch for a few minutes and my bird started talking again in the other room...In his sleep he told my bird to be quiet...but said the name of his xgf's bird. It's like he still has something going on in that head of his. How wierd. Usually you get called the name of the xgf or xw. But not the bird getting called the name of the xgf's bird.

Ok. It's been 3 months and going pretty good. When does one think the committment talks should begin? I don't know. I haven't dated in ten years basically until this year. We get along good and haven't really had any big disagreements yet.

And I have to admit...I really like him alot. And I know he really likes me as well. Am getting antsy and wondering if this is normal? Got a call from the cute resident also this week and he's attempting to try to get another date. We haven't been out in a while but maybe I should do so. RR knows about the resident as well. RR admitted 2 weeks ago when we had a small disagreement which resulted in my not speaking to him for 2 days (when the tree limbs fell onto driveway after biggie storm remember?)..He said that he hoped we'd develop something but that things shouldn't be rushed and that he knew that he was at "risk for losing me" and wondered if the cute resident was "somebody he would have to worry about". And he added after that "who knows. Maybe that Idiot (cute resident) might make me rethink things and do something".

ARrrrrrrgh.

Ok. So RR has been seeing me for 3 mos. We have no firm committment but we seem to be dating quite regularly. He mentions name of xgf's bird during a late night nap. He mentions 2 weeks ago that he might be at risk of losing me to somebody else. Asks if cute resident is somebody to worry about. Our date sat. night goes great and we end up the next day going to brunch together. During brunch (he lives about thirty min. away) he says "this is a nice end of town. Although it's a heckuva commute, A-town is great." Maybe I should look for a house here." (I live in alpharetta or A-town to locals).

What in the heck is going on? How long does this kinda limbo go on? SHould I go out with the cute resident again? He was nice and we had a great time as well...he is cute and is a good person. What is the natural progression of things after 30? My sister says that it's faster...the dating to marriage thing after 30 and that "time's a wasting and your clock is ticking".

Deep down I think both guys are marriage material. Very much so. And both I consider friends. Although RR I consider to be a close friend. We have good conversations and he is always confiding in me what goes on @ work and cares about me as well and same with regards to me. What irks me is that RR can go for over a day; sometimes as much as 2 without calling when my son is with me. He says "he doesn't want to interfere w/time w/my son". And he does want to go to my sister's and bro in laws to meet them fully knowing my son would go as well on that trip...And don't get worried, my sis and bro moved into a huge lakefront home in AL and my son and I will have own room and RR would have his own room down the hall...a bit down the hall ok? He has met son once and that went smoothly.

Also, his best friend who is finishing up same master's degree program (PA also) and is also a single guy, might be moving in with him. At least he mentioned it to me last week. His bf is short on money but always up to go out and is in still much the college mode basically. Although there's only four years separating us, I was outta college 11 years ago. He goes out with his bf all the time and when it's the weekend with my son, sometimes he will go without calling for a day or so. Gives excuse of "wanting me to have time with son" but what's a five minute call to say hi in a 2 day period? When the following monday rolls around, he calls like clockwork in the am and proclaims how much he's missing me etc.

So...here's what I am thinking...he uses the weekends I have my son as party time going out with his bf and bf's single guy buddies too. Doing guy stuff. Single guy stuff. And I know that his bf has a potential new chick too so that means the potential chick may be trying to get RR to meet her friends as well.

So...1)how long is reasonable until one should have the "c" talk?
2)should I go out with the cute resident as well?
3)Is RR most likely going out with other girls despite our three months dating and reasonable stability ...going out when it's my weekend with my son?
4)am I being taken for granted?

Gosh. I never thought of any of this before when I was single pre-Jethro. Life was easy then. Dating was simple.

Hey Peachy,

Hate to be the one to tell you this, but you may have to kiss an awful lot of toads before one of them turns into a prince. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Rebound romances are train wrecks looking for a place to happen. Slow down a little, enjoy the single life, allow yourself to heal. You've been through an enormous amount of heartache, difficulty and stress. Take some time out for you, maybe a couple of years. Enjoy your time with your son. Date twenty or thirty guys casually, don't get serious too soon.

Yes, you are being taken for granted. The in between time is a time of using and being used until the healing is complete. So think about this, you have a whole lot to offer, don't let it go too easily without something in return.

Ms. Peachy,

Just my thoughts here! Take it slow and follow your heart. Just take it slow girlfriend - and follow that great big heart of yours! You never know! I don't know if you listen to country music but listen to Reba McIntires new song "Somebody"!

Be good and just <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

P.S. Have you told the RR that he can call you when you are with your son?

Peachy,

The ladies are tunned in... maybe enjoy the guy. You just don't seem to be really in love. I just don't feel a deep soul vibe comin from you. The deep connection doesn't seem there.

Slow train, waiting for the right one to come on by and have the ticket to your heart. The guy has to win your heart and your son's heart.

After the battle you fought, scars that need healin, it's time for chillin, maybe lite datin, romance, the heart needs time.

Ricky Martin screen scream... that moves u in the right direction.

I really liked your going on non dates. Maybe, at this passage of the journey you might need more guys that are your friend, brothers. A sister gotta have loz of brothers. Cause they often have a bigger multiplication pool of the cutest friends.

Definately, you need a man this time around. Chillin with the boyz is one thang, and chillin with nice men is an entirely different experince.

Chillin and groovin... It's just gotta feel right in the soul and I think one has to be comfortable with that potential partner initimacy history.

Takes time, to do a slow dance, partner with the right person, at the right time.

Take care,

Peachy--

Go out with the other Resident--don't think anything about RR--and just have fun--

Until RR mentions he is ready to only date you exclusively--you can date whom ever you want too--

You can even go out with two or three different men in a given weekend--but just because you go out to dinner, and a movie, or meet someone for brunch doesn't mean you have to have sex with any of them--and you don't have to introduce them to your son either--until your both ready--

If he doesn't call you for a couple days--so what
it's not a big deal--take that time to enjoy yourself--

Right now--after what you've been through--use this time to go out with DIFFERENT people--make mental notes about what you like and don't like about them--

One of the first men I went out w/ I'd known since high school, and no I didn't date him in high school, we were just good friends--we met for dinner and went to a movie--after that first date
and a couple of phoe conversations later--I knew I didn't want to go out w/ him again--He was nice enough--but--he was possesive--he'd get mad when I talked to another man--he got mad when I wasn't home when he called--no thanks--I wasn't married to the man--nor was I dating him--

So your clinginess--and and wanting to date someone exclusively--may scare him away--

This whole relationship sounds A LOT like the one I was just in. A LOT.
And people will all say "go slow" date a lot of guys, etc. all good advice - but what the heck is it supposed to mean? I have a hard time dating "several guys" at once - for one thing - I don't even know several single guys! And I don't really enjoy dating all that much. I just want to have a very good friend, who is male. Someone to sit in a restaurant with. Someone to take to company picnics, stuff like that.
I think you are like me in this respect - your mind knows what to do - but your heart feels differently.

The guy I was seeing - we were dating since December. I spent the first couple of months wondering if we were exclusive, and whether or not I should bring the subject up. Its not that I was looking for a serious realtionship so soon - its just that I truly enjoyed his company, and did not want to date others, if he wasn't. Plus, I only had a couple of offers to date during that time - and I was not really interested in either one.
One day - I honestly don't even remeber how it went - we finally had a short talk, and came to the conclusiont that we were in an exclusive realtionship. Even after that he would sometimes go a couple of days without calling. On weekends when he had his kids, he did not call. But as soon as he took them home, at 6:00, he would call me at about 6:05. And never did I ask "why has it been two days since you called?" because, frankly, I have plenty to do around here myself, and do not want the type of relationship where they are asking you where you were the other night or why you weren't home when they called. I would have been perfectly happy to continue at that pace for another year. You may have seen a recent post of mine where I tell "the "rest of the story". Last Thursday,we went out for a walk - we were having a nice conversation, and then he drops this bomb: he says he has a problem with my weight. He says that he is not asking me to lose weight - he is just trying to be honest, and he is mad at him self for having a problem with my weight.
I am almost 40 - I have two kids - yet I only wear a size 8 - and that is a weight problem? I could stand to lose 20 pounds - but did not consider myself "over weight".
I am still crying about this whole thing today. I know it was stupid on his part, but I am so hurt. (by the way he has called 4 times since then - apologizing for hurting my feelings. I told him that I would have to think about what he has said, and pray about it, but I don't think we can continue to be friends after that commment. He is going to call me Sunday, at which point I am supposed to let him know If I even want him to call me anymore)
anyway - I have no advice. I just know your story - I have been living it.
I do think you should date the other guy - at least once. I would hate for you to have regrets later.
Hang in there Ms. Peach.

Thanks guys...

I really appreciate your thoughts and advice. Am taking all of it to heart. But must clarify this one...I have had 2 years now to get on with life and spent the loooooong separation finding out who in the heck I am/was/will be. And it's still a work in progress. So I have for sure had enough alone time for a lifetime I think.

It's sunday and still no word. And sure, he thinks its perfectly ok to not talk every day but there is a distinct pattern now that he doesn't call when I have my son and it is really bothering me. I will talk with him next week and bring it up and just deal with it..And here's the worst part...I do really feel alot for him and am not probably openly letting on b/c it would mean admitting something I hadn't thought I would feel in quite some time. years in fact. But I have for sure decided that I need to get a bit more objective and go out w/the resident. He hasn't called either but he seems to be perfectly fine with my son being home when he calls so that's cool.

Bumperii-You are so sweet and I am going to date around and have dated a few guys already this year...Five to be exact. I'm not exactly rebounding as it's been 2 years since separation now and 7 mos. since divorce. But I will for sure date around.

Blady-I will have to listen to that REba song. Also, you bring up an interesting point here...Yes, RR knows it's ok to call when my son is home and does call from time to time...but pattern is NOT ON WEEKENDS.

Sky-Yep. I am going to date around but like before, I fear and really fear that I am and have fallen for this guy. And I have alot of guy friends and one of them came over last sunday and we went swimming together. And yea, Mr. Martin sure gets me going, but he is alas five hours by plane away and most likely not hetero...lmaorotf!

ThornedR--Thank you for the ever so gentle 2x4. I will for sure dump my clinginess and get on with dating. And you're right. I can see who I want to see when I want to and as many as I want to now. You hit it on the head.

Womanoffaith--I am soooo sorry for you. I know you must be hurting from this and all I can say is that you both must sit down and talk about this. And no a size 8 is not big by any means. Especially after having children. It might not be weight, but I struggle myself with being toned. I am a size four now and still need imho to get better toned up and maybe that's what he's saying rather badly. But I also read an interesting essay in Glamour recently about how women are waxing, getting lazered, getting plastic surgery now so that we can become more like the ideal of the porn industry that became so mainstream in the 1990's. That we are doing things to ourselves, liberated intelligent females, because some bald guy with a beer-gut who we happen to be married to or in a relationship with says we need to do...all because he's been brainwashed by the porn industry to think that's what is beautiful. I think shooting for healthy and toned is best. And most of all, if you decide you want to explore this, do it for YOU NOT FOR HIM. You're not married, this is not something he has a valid stake in at this point. Is he saying in passive terms that if you do not become a certain size that your relationship will not progress? I am wondering. I will pray for you and keep you close in prayers b/c it's hurting enough to go thru divorce hell only to enter into a relationship w/somebody who wants perfection without turning the mirror on himself.

But he may just be honest and want to share his feelings and you have EVERY RIGHT TO SAY IF HE NEEDS TO LOSE A FEW TOO. Or maybe you could compromise...COMPROMISE..and both begin exercising or running or hiking together and both benefit from shared time together and the end result...being fit and happy.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ July 12, 2004, 04:37 PM: Message edited by: xpButtercup ]</small>

The darn internet thing works!

Been bombarded by emails today...one is cute. Former ATL braves dude. What irks me is the age range. I specifically give age range and my wish list and the guys are still older than what I want.

But it works.

Like clockwork on the way home from work, RR calls and I don't answer. He leaves vm and says "i have really missed you". He calls my home about five forty five and I answer the phone and say "hello". He says "hey. How was your day?" I reply: "Who is this? Do I know you? Your voice DOES sound familiar..." He gets it right away. Launches into a spell about "I respect your time with your son and had some things to do." Me: "Yea, but a five minute call over the span of four days isn't excessive." He then becomes all nice and sweet again and gets it and asks me out for this weekend. I then tell him how myself, my son, and my best girlfriend and godmother of my son are going to Destin FL weekend before son's school starts. How we're just going to dote and baby my son and have a blast with him but how one night we will get a sitter (we will be there four days...yippee!)and have a girls' night out. Now RR knows that my best friend is also a model (note: REAL model, not fake buttfloss one like family values) and has masters' degree to boot. And is single too like me. We are total opposite in looks and we always seem to get into good kinda trouble when we go out of the house. So he starts askin' the questions. And then he ironically brings up the topic of why didn't I solidify things w/the cute resident a few months back? He asks about the cute resident. As if he knows I am about to do the thing he's been dreading. I say that He's a nice guy and that he's doing great and loving his new rotation in surgery @ Childrens' Hospital. He kinda gets quiet and I think he got it...that I've spoken with him.

Gosh I can do the 180 great now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for the hello XPB...love ya <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So all of you out there...oh, what a difference a DAY makes. You can stay at home and get dates without trying. I am all about the lessened effort thing now.

And so RR is doing his usual thing and is coming around again. But I ask you...what WAS he doing this weekend? Suddenly he said he had "things going on". I suspect he knows I am not going to continue down this same path or else I will be outta there in a NY..or should I say ATL minute?

Hi Peachy-

Hang in there and take your time. Enjoy dating, there are many fish in the sea and contrary to what your sister has told you, your biological clock is far from ticking so don't settle for a toad!

As for RR, four days without a phone call is unacceptable. I am not buying the uninterrupted time with your son either. He needs to get his priorities straightened out and if not, see ya!

Good luck and keep us posted!
K

Day 2 of internet thing. Got some not too cute ones today...alot of winks though. Some really cute.

Darn it, last night RR calls back at 11 pm when I am doing my laundry. He says basically that he is proving to me that he cares and wants to talk to me it's just that he's a guy and he and his guy buds only talk when they have something to say. He isn't a big fan of the phone call. He was on phone w/me for 40 min. until we both got so zzzzzz.

At work today, he was nice and sweet when he came up to see me. I made it a point to go to lunch earlier than usual as it would be more of the 180 thing. So he comes up at his usual time and there's a drug rep lunch so I am finishing up eating and almost ready to go. In front of the managing doc/partners and the reps, he gets his lunch and moves over to my table where I'm sitting with a girlfriend of mine. Walks over sits down and puts his hand on my neck and leans over to sorta hug me. You could have heard a pin drop. One of the partners says..."hey she's almost done so why don't you come and sit with us...?" He replies "no offense, but she's cuter than you...ok, she's much prettier than you.." (although partner is a guy).

Last night on the phone, he said before getting off that "he was sorry if he made me feel wierd and didn't want me to be wierded out anymore and worried about somebody's bad intent just because of the stunts Jethro has pulled over the years." He then said "maybe I am just not good at saying things, but I think you should just relax and not worry about anything between us and if you knew how things are with me, you'd feel well...rather secure and comfortable ok? I'm trying hard and will try harder to make you feel secure."

Back to lunch...I get a diet coke to go and am walking out and he gets up and sits with the other 2 partners who are sitting with the drug reps...FYI..I am not a huge fan of reps, as my xh had and is still having an affair with Ms. MOnkeyho, a drug rep and serial misrtress...

Anyway, as I am walking out he says while whipping his cell out, "I want you to see this text I got..I know this is NOT your number and just thought you should see it." It is from a number I don't recognize either and it says "so...where do you register from 1-10 on the "Rick-ter" scale?"...Ok, that's his name and I read it and just stare at it. He says "well I want you to know everything and damn well don't know who sent this to me." Then one of the partners says "ok Peach. Now it's your turn to give him YOUR cell now that you're both at that place where you can read the other's text messages. You might should give out your email pass too." What a smart A.

But that was good <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

He was being honest and open and showed me his call log and his phone book and there were no other calls from that number and he said he'd call it this pm and tell me who it was that sent it. Actually, it sounded like a joke to me.

No, he has NOT looked at my cell either. And I just rolled my eyes at the partner and went off w/my diet coke to finish up my last 2 patients.

So...now I am now wondering if I should take the pic off the site and just leave things be for a while? Seems it's hit that stage of either we move a bit on, or we back off alot.

He also already asked me out for the weekend.

See? THE 180 WORKS LIKE A CHARM. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Bleeeeech.

Just got email from JEthro. Seems the man was 9 days late paying us this month and I had to send him a nice reminder email as if he didn't soon, by day 15, I'd again start contempt stuff up. He's good for doing these things.

He emails and says he's now at the bank and that "there was some mix up" last week and instead of depositing it directly into my account, he accidentally wrote the check out to "cash" and didn't put my name on it. But the idiot banks at another bank and he couldn't even get cash out if he tried at my bank. Thus, another whopping Jethro lie.

In retaliation of my email and his being held accountable yet again by da notorious Peachster, I get sent an email entitled

"Blondestar".

It's a voice clip and actually was funny. If somebody else had sent it to me though. WAs a takeoff of "onstar" system in cars. A girl (blonde) calls onstar and asks how to get out of her car. Seems her doors "suddenly" locked and she can't open them and in the end finds out that she has her keys in ignition. It is sent out to a few people and me. I am the only blonde, at least only real one, on his short email list.

Now here he goes again sending me crapola about things again.

Arrrrrrgh? Why in the hades does this man do it? I don't get it. It's wierd and we have NO relationship other than separate parenting and only run into each other at drop offs or graduation or school functions. He did NOT send it to Family Values, btw...(and also a former blonde..she's held many hair colors. now's she's strawberry blonde/brown).

OMG!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />


The games, the games. UGH! I HATE the games. Sheesh!

Peachy:
If you have an interest in seeing someone else then by all means don't play the game with RR. If your on a dating site then by all means stop sending mixed signals to the poor guy.

womanoffaith5:
Hey you! Your guy sounds like someone you should avoid. Granted honesty is a pretty good policy, but he has to have ABSOLUTELY ZERO common sense. Any guy having gone as far as second base knows without a doubt that any conversation about weight with a female is verbotten! I bet he'll even tell you your butt looks big in those jeans! I can't believe he did that and even more... HE BROUGHT IT UP!

Dumpsterize him!

(note, if I'm ever asked about weight in any way I suddenly get short of breath, roll my eyes back in my head and grab my chest and if that doesn't work I start slapping my head with a handy salmon)

Someone else cannot make you feel secure. You have to feel secure. BTDT. Same with happiness.

Secure was RR's use of words.
As for me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> am ok, secure and happy. It was his exact words and I don't know why he chose them. Quite possibly b/c he knows what happened before with the divorce. Funny thing is, I am secure but trust is a completely other issue. In general I completely trust my friends, family, and I'd say about 90% trust him. It used to be so nice years ago, before this divorce crud, b/c I was almost rose-colored glasses viewing the whole world. But now I am somewhat of a skeptic, but that's better I guess.

I think he was trying to be the "sensitive male". Today we were swamped @ work and our patient load more than heavy. His was as well. Our two schedules did not in any way be condusive to seeing each other so he cut his lunch short and came in to visit me inbetween my patients. Had a good talk. He said that they told him he's got ER call on saturday night but that maybe we could do something friday or else after call's over on saturday too maybe...like midnight or cosmic bowling? Something goofy for people up that late.

He's putting up most of the effort now and that's good. Dating profile online is now in "hidden" mode b/c I think it's best until this is a bit more clearer.

This one is funny...

This am before work @ 7, was designated switch-off and Jethro came to pick up son. Mind you, he's a cfo and supposed to be well...going to work today. He leaves tomorrow for a 5 day vacation and is taking son to FL (and he has given me full disclosure of where they will be, phone numbers, etc so don't worry). Usually the man is on his way to work at 7 or so and when he picks up son, they usually head to McDonald's for breakfast together. Son loves to do this. Well this morning, Jethro comes to my door wearing some blue jean shorts (nice ones not faded or anything) and no shirt. Nice tennis shoes too but no shirt.

Now I know this guy and couldn't help it when this blurted out..."Now c'mon., you can't go into McDonaldland like that can you?" He then says, we'll hit the drive thru. Just was out for a morning run. (he doesn't run). I say "where's the jogging shorts?" He says they have to go. It's hilarious. I have yet to see many if any men at seven am on a workday wearing nice dressy shorts with no shirt and nice shoes. He had gotten back into shape a few mos. ago and I guess he wanted me to have "a little somethin' to remember him by".

What is with this stupidity? What is with this? In all the years I knew this man, he would never walk outta the house like that. Not even to get the morning paper. It was hilarious. Like he was saying "see me? See how your x lost 20 pounds and how I am still the chick magnet? Look at Jethro the stud muffin."

On the way to work I called my sister to tell her this. She and my bro in law laughed hysterically over breakfast. As my bro headed out the door he said to my sister "don't be surprised if I stop traffic this morning Lynn..it's a bit hot outside so I am going to take off my scrub shirt for the commute in. Oh ladies...Dr. Feelgood is on the way!" My sister and I laughed so hard we almost busted our gut.

I bet he took the shirt off in the car <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

LOL This thread's for me!

I identify with Jethro <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Well at least from the showing off aspect. A couple of times I went over to WW's and did a few chores for her. Got all hot an sweaty, thus requiring me to strip down. I never used to do this, but I guess I just want a reaction from her.

Looks like Jethro got his reaction. Mine went about the same. WW looked me up and down, shook her head and went inside. It's a guy thing, we just want to be oogled. Lacking oogle we go for shock value. Lacking that we start thinking about alternate lifestyles.

(working on my lisp now)

Had tons of fun last night... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Giant severe thunderstorms rolled thru my town and seemed to hover over about a half mile area in which I live...it was hilarious sorta when I was watching the live reports how they'd zoom doppler radar down so far to show even streets and intersections and whaddya know? There was Peach's street!

Got nickel size hail for about ten min. and put dog and I in the closet and covered up the two birds and put them in cages under heavy dining room table. Was a low kinda sound like thunder that went on for about 20 minutes and couldn't even hear the sirens for it. Couldn't even hear as my patio table and cafe umbrella went sailing thru my backyard. But they're actually ok believe it or not. Wind wasn't that fast. Maybe between 30-50 mph.

I was scared at first so I got my cell and my home cordless and went into the closet with blankets and my dog. Called my sister and she just talked thru the whole thing to divert my attention.

It was well-known that my area was in a warning for at least 2 hours b/c it was on every station. And ironically did NOT talk to RR last night.

This am after patient #2 has vaso-vagal reaction and passes out, RR shows up and goes in to eval the unconscious guy. My patient load is more than heavy today btw. So John my coworker goes in there with the unconscious patient too and I remain and keep the patient flow going and procedures going as well. Shortly after, RR walks in and says to both me and John "so how are you doing after last night? Is the dog ok? Are you fine?" John looks at him wierdly and says "I know you're not talking to me b/c I don't live in A-town and have a cat ok?" I smile and say in my 180-best, "oh, I am just fine. That happened about 14 hours ago. Thank you for asking today". and I turn my head and go back to my procedure immediately. Inbetween patients I walk into the narrow hallway and he's standing there (I had to walk by into my lab and go get some supplies to start another IV or I would not have gone close ok? I am somewhat angry and back to 180 mode). He then says and is *trying* to be funny, which actually made me madder. "Look, I just wanted you to know that I am so glad the dog is all right." I glare at him and keep walking. I walk back and am getting my prep area ready for next patient and he walks by and says "John...what's up with her? Do I need to bring some chocolate up here? It's not the pms thing is it?" I take the file in my hand and swat him (not hard) but it makes a noise on his shoulder and walk out. John tells RR "that was not too cool my man".

I work nonstop until one fifteen pm when I stop for a short lunch break. John and I are into overdrive mode now. John says "hey, I am not eating as J and I are going to an early dinner after work (his partner). You go and I will hold down the fort ok?" My blood sugar has dropped dramatically and I feel horrible so I go for about fifteen min. I walk by the break area and see RR sitting in there. He usually eats no later than 1230. Never. I see him thru the door and he looks at me. I decide to go back and work with John for 10 more minutes. I was mad and am doing the 180 ok? I walk in and he is getting up and is leaving soon. He walks over to me and asks how my day is going. I say fine. He says his is packed. He knows I am madder than hades at this point. One of the docs who I am friends with looks at the whole thing and tries not to pretend he's noticing it. RR asks why I didn't come in about 10 earlier and I made up something about finishing up some data for the study I was doing. He has to go back and I eat and run.

Later on he comes back to check on the patient we have fluids going in and he does a last eval before I begin the study. I walk by RR in the narrow hallway b/c I have to and don't look at him. I think he gets it that I am mad. Very mad.

Arrgh. I am mad again. It's like he will make one or two steps ahead and then take a giant leap backwards. Tonight is his night out w/guys doing the trivia thing and I am not going to make any attempt to communicate with him at all. One day he says how he's trying and how he's wanting me (his words) to feel "secure in this" and then the next day he just does the very opposite.

I am sick of worrying about this stuff. I am going to a party tomorrow night w/my club and it's going to be fun. He's on call saturday night so I will have early pm plans as well with friends. Am gonna make him work for it.

On way home got call from cute resident. I was so tired and exhausted that to stay awake, I cranked up my evanescence cd and couldn't hear the phone ring/vibrate. Wouldn't you know it? He's going to Naples this weekend to play golf with his brother, but asked me out to the new restaurant in A town that just opened (his favorite)...The Atlanta Cheesecake Factory. I say ok. Yep. Said OK. Their desserts are soooo good, it's worth a trip alone there imho <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dating stinks. I am not going to be available forever and am not going to wait forever either. RR needs to get his act together and figure out what he wants...and in the meantime I am forging ahead and doing what I want.
Hey Jacky...you know you're probably right about the shirt.

I'm sure he's figured out that you're mad, but like me he is probably wondering why.

Very wild day. Got call at 7 am from coworker who gets there 30 min before I do...says he'll open the lab but is leaving and having to go to neurologist again as he's vomiting and severely in pain w/another headache. Had an mri last week but nothing showed up. Bless his heart, he was almost crying it was hurting so bad.

Had 11 patients today and did it alone. The exercise physiologist was out today so wouldn't you know it....practice rearranges RR's clinic so that he will be the one filling in for exercise physiologist as I am too busy to do that either. So we work around each other for seven hours. He tries being all nice again and caring and that stuff. I think basically that I have gotten mad b/c of the discrepancy between his words and actions and I go by actions basically.

I could go on and on with stupid details, but we have a ten minute break in which he brings me 2 slices of pizza hut pizza and we sit down and basically talk a bit. After what we talk about, I almost threw the second slice across the room...My cell makes the beep noise indicating I have a text message. He asks "who text'd you?" I say that I don't have time to look at it. He asks again. I say what the heck. It's the resident. RR then goes on to say after seeing it that it's ok if I go out with somebody as long as (and I almost drop kicked him out of my exam/office area at this one) there's no p.d.a. or in his words "stuff we shouldn't be doing". I say "whaaaaaaat? ?" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> He says that he doesn't want to do that and I shouldn't either. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I say that "Are you on crack or something? If we're seeing others then we can do what we damn well want to do and that is the DUMBEST thing I've ever heard...except for stuff from Jethro.. I can't believe YOU said that to ME. You have absolutely NO grounds to say that or ask that of me without any form of a committment." I walk out of the room. Meanwhile, there has been no talk of what we're doing tonight and I would infer from that he has plans. Or is feeling guilty for something that has not yet happened or that he is roped into. He has enough nerve to later on before I leave the upstairs office to ask me what have I planned do do (think of the wording ok?) tonight? I say " going out". I say nothing else. He then says "well I am on call in the er tomorrow night but will be off hopefully at eleven". Again, I walk out and say nothing.

As I am bringing my patient charts and results downstairs into reading room, RR is in there and one of the other partners is there too. I say (to partner) that "I had 11 today and here's their charts for billing...I'm outta here." He says thanks and then RR chimes in like we're all warm and fuzzy with each other..."bye hon." He is smiling at me and all nice acting like we're doing just fine and imho, that gives the incorrect appearance that we are exclusive.. I glare at him and say "have a good weekend" in my not exactly warmest voice and walk out.

Sooo...I am screening calls on cell and basically not taking his calls as the 180 is back completely in force. Am going to a party with my friends from the club I am in and am going with another doc I am friends with (just friends and nothing more). Imho, I think RR has a double date tonight w/his best friend as best friend is dating a girl and most likely it's one of the girls' friends. Fine by me. It's so funny after seeing what and who's out there in Atlanta singledom that I am NOT worried. I think it's time for me to date around and have more fun. Tie to explore other options and make damn sure I am not available. Again, he's gonna have to work for it. And now he understands just how damn hard he will have to. One thing I learned from the Jethro thing is this...if you're too nice or too availble or too understanding it's not good. Better to be a bit of a challenge and stay that way.