my husband filed for divorce several months ago. We lived separatly for 4 years but often got together for trips, family etc. Reason for separation was husband said he had anxiety attacks in house and couldn't stay. It turns out he had affair and is now living with her. I believe the mental health problams as he has major sexual abuse, post traumatic issues, head injury, personality disorder and learning disability. He is claiming to be suffering from stress and a breakdown. He said he wants divorce. I don't. I love him and enjoy being around him. Problem is I can't talk to him. She prevents it. there has been several times I have tried to talk, He said he wants to. She prevents it. He lives in an unknown place. She does not allow him to talk to any family including our grown children. He says she is protecting him from emotional issues. However his brother just died and he spent last couple of days with brother as he died. Has told his parents that he plans to leave her. but has not as yet. But says he wants divorce to continue. My problem is I feel that if he needs to be protected from stress, how can he do a divorce which is extremely stressful. He isn't working now and I get the bills all. It really sounds bad but I think most of the problem is her. She is controlling him completly. My question is should I continue with the divorce as he wants or should I proceed as he is too sick to know what to do? His father is a psychiatrist (retired) and has admitted that he needs a full Psych. eval. Do you think I should abandon ship or stay for the long haul. And how do I stay for the long haul when he doesn't want to be with me? But then he says he wants to see me. I am confused. thanks for any ideas.

Hello carrie, and welcome to Marriage Builders.

I'm sorry nobody has responded before this, but the weekends are very slow and sometimes the problems are so big (like the mental illness in your situation) the people don't know what quite to say to offer comfort.

My post to your thread will give it a bump to the top and I'm hoping others will join in and offer you some hopeful advice.

I have had some experience with mental illness, and it's a toughie. Dr. Harley himself speaks of the difficulties when partners have mental illness.

Read all you can here and post to other's threads too... get to know a few people here. It will help just to feel the loving support.